Why Doesn't My Car Fly - The Future Never Lives Up

I'm 39, almost 40.
I watched Saturday Morning cartoons on regular network TV.
I watched The Wonderful World of Disney, particularly the World of Tomorrow shows.
I watched syfy stuff like Space:1999 and Johnny Sako's Giant Robot.
Most importantly, I watched the Jetsons.

This morning though, I noticed something. My car doesn't fly. I don't have any robot servants and I still have to chew my food.

I think we all got fuk'ed.

My house is still attached to the ground, not 400 feet in the air with views of three states, my sidewalks don't pull me round, my briefcase does not expand into my computer and then into my desk, and my wardrobe does not include anything with rings around the sleeves or shoulders. I cannot roll out of bed and into my shower-matic to take a sonic shower followed by a six armed hair dressing. My breakfast does not come out of a Dispenso-matic and my kids still have to put their own coats and shoes on.

Hanna Barbera are a bunch of piss-poor prophets.

I remember using my dad's big stapler as a Space:1999 laser gun thinking that one day I would shoot all those as$holes that irritate me with a real laser pistol, shaped like a stapler. I remember sitting in our 1970 Jaguar and flipping the rocker switches, pretending to extend my landing gear or rotating the heater fan control to turn the takeoff jets from up thrust to forward, all the while knowing that my first car would not even need wheels.

Because it would fly in the frigging air. Like George Jetson's.

I used to make 7 foot tall robots out of cardboard boxes that I knew would look just like the ones that were going to clean my house, walk my dog and cut my grass when I was an adult. I knew this because TV said so. Walt Disney stood right there in front of me on our 27" Magnovox console TV with gold cloth over the speakers and a wired remote and told me about how the World of Tomorrow would be a World of Leisure.

BullSh!T! Walt. Good thing your dead because there are about 40 million other people in my age group wondering why you lied to us.

In a few short months it will be 2010. Where the hell is the Space Odessey? When will I get to do a fly by of Mars? When can I take a pill to grow a foot or shrink to 4 inches? Where the f*ck is my 6 foot tall gold female robot sex slave!

Ugh, Where the Hell is my Flying Car!

This future sucks all kinds of as$! I want a refund!

With all due respect,

The Chief