QUICK HIT SMILE - All The Way From Egypt

Sometimes it says "greetings, I'm happy and my people love me!!!"...

But can quickly turn to "GET ME OUTTA HEEEEEERRRRRRE!!!!!"



The Rev

The Rev's 1st Annual "IF YOU" List



If you...

1. Have a stereo in your car or wheels on your car that are worth more than your car...
2. Wear camouflage in public and you aren't hunting or in the military...
3. Think that your outer self is more important than your inner self...
4. Spend any time at all interested in celebrities' lives or celebrity gossip...
5. Believe in aliens, UFOs or think you have seen either...
6. Love animals more than people...
7. Think because your rich, life is perfect...
8. Think because your poor, life isn't...
9. Don't vote but complain about your government...
10. Put clothes on your pet, carry your pet around in a designer bag or think you should be able to take your pet in any public place...
11. Voted for Barack "Hussein" Obama...
12. Think that alcoholism or drug addiction are "diseases"...
13. Have read more than ten books but not the Bible, whether you believe in Jesus or not...
14. Embrace Socialism...
15. Drive the speed limit in the fast lane...
16. Wear your shirt tucked in but don't wear a belt...
17. Still write a check in a store while people wait behind you...
18. Think marijuana will ever be legalized...
19. Get plastic surgery to look younger...
20. Believe in Evolution or the Big Bang Theory...
21. Think it is better to receive than give...
22. Are continuously stocking your armory in preparation for war with your government...
23. Go in and out of the gas station in hopes the scratch off tickets you keep buying will pay off big...
24. Have a collection of Star Wars figures and you display them for all to see (What up Darth Taco? Shout out!!!)...
25. Are a man and are on Food Stamps...
26. Are anybody and try to sell your Food Stamps...
27. Smoke cigarettes...
28. Smoke a cigarette and talk on your cell phone while driving...
29. View Lady GaGa or Justin Bieber as "groundbreaking" artists...
30. Don't agree with The Rev's "If You" List...

You're a friggin IDIOT!!!!!

Yours Truly,


The Rev

Google, Groupon and The Take Over of The Internet? - UPDATED!

UPDATED AT BOTTOM

Do you know what Groupon is? If not than leave this site and go back to reading the newspaper. 

Yesterday, rumors began to stir in places like the New York Times say that Google is offering Groupon $5,000,000,000 - $6,000,000,000 to acquire the company. (Thats $5 - $6 billion) As I write this they are talking about it on NPR's Market Place.

Groupon is one of the coolest "new" ideas on the internet. "New" in that is a fairly new service, starting in 2008 and "new" in that although I'm sure someone could dig up a earlier version of its services, Groupon was the first that penetrated into as many markets as deeply as they have.

Ok, if you really don't know what Groupon is; its a group-buy type service wherein consumers buy a "groupon" that gives them access to some product or service at a significant discount, typical 40-50%. The group part plays in by the fact that we only get the groupon if enough people buy in.

Now, do you know who Google is? 

If you read here with any frequency you know that Angry Brady would tell you that they are the devil. 

I don't know about that. I typically don't subscribe to the demonization of really anything. I tend to doubt that any company or person is as evil as they can be portraited...

but...

I really don't want Google fucking up Groupon. I don't want Google or any one company in charge of every-fucking-thing I do online. I don't want to hear my kids refer to the whole of the internet as "Google" like my mom calls it "Facebook".

This acquisition will be the biggest Google has made yet, but I don't think it will really put a dent into their piggy bank. If they are ready and willing to spend that kind of jack to increase their long-term ad revenue potential, how far will they really go?

Is Craigslist or Wikipedia next? I read that Amazon might be. Or how about Microsoft, eBay? Not to mention all the european and asian service/sites that most of us are not even familiar with.

They have the resources and the greed to buy them all.

The question is, even though we are a free market and capitalist and all that, should we (Americans, Europeans and Asians, et al) let one company buy up all the innovation in the internet? Do we really want to have one company decide which sites we have access to, because obviously the potential take overs listed above are friendly, for-profit ones, there is nothing to say they couldn't buy up a site to later shut it down.

Yes, yes, I know that the SEC and the Justice Dept. have jurisdiction to prevent that, but only if the merger would constitute a monopoly, which in case you haven't noticed, they tend to let just about every merger go through.

So, what do you think? Do you want Google to control the internet?

UPDATE

On Friday, Groupon announced that it REJECTED Googles take-over offer and that it plans to remain an independent company. It may make an Initial Public Offering in 2011, but will wait until after the first of the year to make any such announcement. YAY! Suck it Google.

The Chief

Happy Labor Day, Now Get Back To Work!

Happy Labor Day Everyone

Well, everyone except for 9.6% of you.

You know who you are, you unemployed bastards.

Why are we celebrating Labor Day? Because we do such a great job working? No. Because we feel we're entitled to take a day off.

But do we deserve it?

Here's a little background on this holiday.

Labor Day has been around for over 100 years. The Federal Government (idiots) made it an official holiday in 1894 to honor its workers.

Now, I'm all for America, but wouldn't you say our "workforce" is dwindling? When was the last time you saw a factory or a production company go up? The newest construction I notice is another fucking bank being built or another unnecessary fast food joint springing up.

We've become a country of consumers, not producers. Just look at our automotive industry and how it's in the tank.

How many people do you know that have lost their job in the last 10 years because they're work has been outsourced to India or Brazil?
Or Mexico (thanks Al Gore!)

I Still Hate Street Cyclists

Can we do something about assholes riding their bikes on busy streets?

First of all, when I drive in to my office and there's some dipshit on a bike in his ultra queer spandex cyclist getup, I wonder why he is not at work or going to work? I imagine that most, if not all cyclist are these weird; too much time on their hands, fitness douche bags; probably some kind of consultant or independent agent with nothing to do most of the time. They fill their day with crap like cycling because deep down they want people to see them exercising because it makes them feel superior.

Penises Grown On Rabbits

I've been saving this one for a while. Back in late 2009, about November I believe, Dr. Anthony Atala of Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center's Institute for Regenerative Medicine announced that his team have successfully grown penises on the backs of rabbits that had their peni previously removed.

This story provides many easy penis joke starters, but the gravity of this work is truly important. They grew these penises on these poor friggin eunice bunnies, I believe on their backs, and then grafted them back in place, with no rejection since the new penises were grown with cells from the little bunny patients themselves.

And apparently what they say about rabbits is true, because all 18 of the new rabbit penises were put to use within 1 minute of being caged with female bunnies.

Out of those 18 horny couples, 4 became pregnant.

You Are Never Going To Win The Lottery

Let's just face it. You are most likely NEVER going to get that Ferrari, buy your parents a house or move to somewhere tropical.

Those magic numbers aren't going to come up. Just quit buying the Powerball tickets and scratch-offs. You may win $20 bucks here and there and justify it as "breaking even" but we both know that isn't true. At least you're getting something from the cigarettes you buy at the same time when you're done filling up at Quik Trip.

Quit waiting for the weekly drawing to solve all your problems (Most of which you've probable caused yourself). Pay your bills, quit buying shit that you can't afford and most likely don't need.

Here's a staggering statistic: 70% of all lottery winners will squander away their winning in just a few years. I hear what your saying to yourself, "Not me, I'm smart. I'll invest and save."
Who are you kidding? You'll blow your money on retarded shit and then you'll see your relationships with your friends and family deteriorate. That is what happens in most cases of lottery winners.

How Do You Know It's Really...?

When you order a decaf non-fat latte, how do you know its really decaf? Caffeinated and decaffeinated coffees taste the same, more or less, particularly true of espresso.

So how do you know?

Do you know because you don't get the jitters 15 minutes after drinking it? How do you know that you don't get the jitters because someone told you that you get the jitters from too much caffeine, a kind of waking hypnotic suggestion?

Do you know because you saw the barista use the beans from the "green" or "orange" box of beans which have because the international colors for decaf? How do you know that she didn't run out of decaf an hour ago and filled the bin up with whatever beans she still had? She could have. What does she care? It's not like you're going to call in an USDA analyst to sample and test the beans.

CITI CARDS... UTTER BULLSHIT!! Oh! Hi I'm Back!

It's been a while, hasn't it?! I'm sure the 17 or 18 people that read this blog that aren't directly involved in it, missed the ever-lovin' shit outta Angry. Right? Heh...
After a sabbatical, theres so much I've done, seen, been amused by, angered by, and...well been very confused by. BTW, does anyone know where to get some cheap adulterated oil?! AHH... That's a different issue all together! Just think though, that whole area, Missouri with a Beach, wont need to worry about sunscreen. Beside, sunscreen gives you cancer.
The actual reason I write today is CITI/Bank/Cards/Lousy-wretch-of-a-company is really pissing me off!! I've always known they were crummy and should've listen to the wife. Hindsight is 20/20 as it is said.
I have 3 other credit cards, all from different lenders. All are what they are as far as mega-global corps. go. None have given me the grief that CITI has in a VERY SHORT TIME! Two of my cards have $0 balance on them and the other has a minimal balance. The one that has around $1000 bucks on it is the reason I got the super evil CITI card to begin with. All of my cards have relatively low APR's on them ranging from 7.5% to 10.99%. All were acquired the same way the devil CITI Card was, 0 interest for 12 months. I have excellent credit and have taken advantage of the benefits of that credit score.
Anyway, I applied for the Psycho CITI Card to transfer that now 800 dollar balance to the shempy 0% for 12 months credit card. That's been how I have been able to borrow money for the last couple of years for free. So, I get my card and am directed to poop-smack CITI's website to set up my account. Firstly, the website must have been designed using ANS COBOL on a fucking UNIVAC computer! It's clunky, it is buggy, and it seems to even confuse itself!

Irritated Rambling About The Gulf Oil Spill

"Holy shit! Well there goes gas prices!"

"What the fuck is a blow out valve and why don't they test them?"

"Goddamn that is a big ball of fire."

Even as a degreed chemist, I still find it amazing to see a huge fire burning on the surface of a body of water.

"How close is it to Playa del Carmen?"

I remember watching the news the first day of coverage and thinking that it probably wouldn't be that bad because it was at the bottom of the ocean over a mile down, so surely the well would collapse from the pressure. I don't know where I got that but it seemed logical at the time.

Ardi Rizal - Smoking Baby Buddah

Yes, I've been gone for a while and no I'm not sorry. I've been distracted lately by the rest of my life and have not felt the urge to express myself on our pages.


Until today, when I saw the video of this little fat indonesian kid smoking a fag like a 50 year old bar fly. Name, Ardi Rizal. Habit, 40 smokes a day. Life expectancy, about 20 years, with the last 5 or so breathing like a 90 year old women with a 2 pack a day habit for 70 years.


Watch this video and you'll quickly see that Ardi has the technique of a long term smoker, complete with deep inhales and puckered lip exhalations. He even twirls the cancer stick between his fingers and points with his coffin-nail and laughs with what one could describe as a baby smokers voice.

Goo-Googled

I'm not sure if anyone paid attention to word that Google got haXXord a few months back, purportedly by someone in China or quite possibly China itself. No big things happened we were told. Funny that Google asked the NSA for assistance in the matter, which is kinda like having the fox guard the chicken coop!
Two days ago Google came clean and said that its prized "Gaia" authentication program had in fact been also compromised. This is potentially a HUGE fucking deal for not only the self described " ad agency", but even more so for the end user! People that bank, pay credit cards, apply for home loans, and generally store WAY more info online than they should will potentially suffer the most.
This is why I have abandoned my gmail account. It's not shut down...YET. Oh no, I left some nice little surprises in there for the Shemp-witted Spambots and real live Spammers to deal with. I hope they like infinite loops!! Fuck sticks!
The news that was reported wasn't what tipped me off that something was going seriously awry in Goinkleland. It was of course the MASSIVE amounts of spam I had within the last couple of weeks had just started to receive. When I say massive I'm talking in the vicinity of 25-75 separate pieces of spam a day!! I have had this account since 2001 and never got this kind of spam! I've had several filters in place on top of that! NO...I'm not perusing porn sites or signing up for every piece of shit website I see!! I have other mail accounts for that kind of nefarity anyway ;-)!!!

Work

Well it's been awhile since I've posted... That's because I've been working like it's going out of style, and it's long ago become 1994, Everlast workout pant wearing, neon armed glasses sporting ass hole-ery for Angry! Working is one of those necessary evils, I understand. But this is ridiculous!!!
My boss, who's only there 2 days a week anyway, had a massive heart attack about 4 weeks ago. So, the only other guy that works with me, also 2 days a week, have much more on our plates. I am the only full time guy... Needless to say, when the bossman's heart throttled this ass, who took charge?? Not the guy (me) who he hired to take his place, but the guy that also works 2 days a week! Not that I mind not being in charge: I just don't like being told what my priorities should be by a guy that is only there a couple of days a week and has continued to state he wouldn't want my boss's job. Now he has been there much longer than I, but that's why I was told I was being hired!
That all being said Angry is completely drained and exhausted...
I will have more posts to come. I have also been doing some electronic music experimentation, and building a website that I will be able to host my creations, free for download and licensed under Creative Commons, so that anyone (except Mondo-corporations and their lackeys) can remix/alter/sample or just fucking delete if so inclined. That's that!
Hope you all have fun out there in Big Bad Web-Land!
As #6 says in the Prisoner, "Be seeing you".
ANGRY BRADY

Stop Reproducing!!!!

So I'm at my nieces basketball game and I'm just noticing the over abundance of cretin-parents.

My sister-in-law is 36 and looks pretty good and stylish for a 36-year-old mother of a 10-year-old. Therefore I can't help but take note on how bad everyone else looks. My wife and I are forty and the three of us are the best looking people here.

I understand that it's an early morning game and most of the people here just threw on a hat and rushed out the house to get here but guess what? So did we.

This leads me to ponder "why?"

Did everyone else wait until they were in their mid-thirties to have kids and now they're really old to have 10 year olds? I'm not saying everyone should have kids in their early twenties. Christ NO. Most people in their twenties are morons. I was. They should concentrate on college and a career. And by that I mean drinking, fighting and getting laid.
What I can't stand are these old fogies that wait to have kids until their careers and finances are established then they can't relate to their kids when they start getting older. Not to mention the fact that they'll be grandparents when they're 70 and then they'll die.

Speaking of grandparents.
I'm sitting next to one of the many grandmothers at this game and she's cheering on little Ashley to hustle hustle then the game ends and Ashley runs up to grandma, hugs her and says, "Mommy, can we go to McDonald's for lunch?" WTF? Mommy? Unfuckingbelievable.

Anyway, back to the terrible looking people. That covers the old ones. Back to the ugly and unkempt.
Have some of these people really just let themselves go and abandoned all self-respect because they've "been busy raising kids"?

That's no goddamn excuse. Show yourself (and those who have to look at you) some respect.
Is it that fucking hard to make yourself look decent when stepping out in public? There's only one way you're going to catch me in public in sweats: when I'm heading to the gym. And that's not going to happen. Seriously, I'm naturally built like an adonis.
How about how overweight everyone is? It's been ten years since you've had that kid? Why do you still look pregnant? I'm not going to pick on just the ladies. You men look like shit too. Your guts are hanging over where your cock should be. It must be very dark in that room that you make babies in. Jeez.

Am I the only one who notices this? Is it the midwest? Is everyone on the coasts in shape and youthful?
Most people are cretins and they won't stop reproducing!

Or maybe I'm just an egotistical asshole who thinks I'm better than those around me?

Na.

-Darth