I've been saving this one for a while. Back in late 2009, about November I believe, Dr. Anthony Atala of Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center's Institute for Regenerative Medicine announced that his team have successfully grown penises on the backs of rabbits that had their peni previously removed.
This story provides many easy penis joke starters, but the gravity of this work is truly important. They grew these penises on these poor friggin eunice bunnies, I believe on their backs, and then grafted them back in place, with no rejection since the new penises were grown with cells from the little bunny patients themselves.
And apparently what they say about rabbits is true, because all 18 of the new rabbit penises were put to use within 1 minute of being caged with female bunnies.
Out of those 18 horny couples, 4 became pregnant.
The little guys apparently missed their old penises and had to try them out. Imagine being one of those poor little bastards; one day your man-horn, or rabbit-horn I guess, is freely swinging in the wind and here comes a pair of big, ugly latex gloved hands that snatch you up and cut your dick off. Next thing you know some asshole has stuck something on your back that you can't see or get off and all your friends are making dick jokes.
These researchers had to be women.
All joking aside this is good news for guys with penis abnormalities, injuries or possibly severe erectile dysfunction and it also means that new noses, ears, and maybe even breasts can be regrown.
But I have to ask two questions; if you need a new wang, does it have to be grown on your back? What if you have a new nose grown and its too close to your ass? And finally, does this mean that Chaz Bono can finally let go of her penis envy?
Does this mean that when someone says, "grow a pair" you could retort, "oh, I am and they will be done in a few weeks"?
With all due respect,
The Chief
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