Angry’s Favorite Director (or how NOT to get ahead in advertising)

While chewing the fat last weekend with Darth at The Chief’s shin-dig; We got to talking about movies. I happened to mention some of my favorites, including my all time favorite director David Lynch. Darth made the suggestion I review either some movies or the like, which is rather out of character for me.I know, I know...I think he’s right on this one.
For those of you not familiar with Lynch, he wrote and/or directed such greats as: Eraser Head, Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, Lost Highway, Mulholland Drive,the most non-Lynch-like The Straight Story, Twin Peaks, the list goes on.
In addition to these he is a jazz musician, sculptor, painter,and all around strangely sanguine, even nerdy sorta guy born into a family in Missoula, MT. unsettlingly familiar to some of the “Leave it to Beaver” type families, ‘with a twist’, Lynch has in his cinema.
One needs to understand the impression he had on me at a very young age to be able to fully appreciate why his movies are burned into my psyche’. I was probably 12-13 when my Pop brought home this video called Eraser Head. He probably said something like, “Come on boys! I’ve got the new Rambo flick! Only better!” My dad was that way, always fucking with our young brains. Don’t get me wrong. My dad was a great guy, brilliant too, I think even Darth and The Chief would concur on that one. Anyway, there I was swept into an entirely, not just new and strange, but absofuckinglutely twisted and enlightening new universe!! Lynch busted this boys Amygdla and Thalamus wide open! Ain’t been quite the same since.
Eraser Head is too fucked to try and explain here. WATCH IT!!
Blue Velvet was the next movie I watched. This is probably still my favorite Lynch film. A Brief synopsis: College boy visits quite home town. Boy finds ear. Boy gets involved in the dark and dangerous underbelly of said town. Boy gets to meet Frank Booth, a twisted cat that likes to huff Oxygen( yes, Oxygen,Lynch interview said so) then get really schitzo and run amok! “Don’t you fucking look at me! Daddy wants to fuck! I’ll fuck anything that moves!!” Dean Stockwell (Quantum Leap fame) plays a freak called  Benny... You Gots to Check it Out!! Good times will be had bay all!! Especially that first date. wink-nod.
Wild at Heart is another great piece of cinematic glory. It stars Laura Dern and Nicholas Cage,(yeah before he started smokin’ that big time Hollywood producer Pole! Shithead!) This is, I do believe, the first movie I took my wife,at that time still girlfriend to. A rockin’ good time was had by all!! It’s basically a re-telling of The Wizard of Oz. Except only as Lynch could do it. Lots of cameos. Lots of good music. Lots of 1/2 dimension away from ours weirdness! Check It! Mulholland Drive: This is one of Lynchs’ newer films. It stars Naomi Watts(who plays two roles I later gleaned), and Laura Herring. Those two have probably one of the hottest sex scenes I’ve seen!! Fuck-O! Oh, and a briefly encountered Billy Ray Cyrus! Mullet and all. Basically, a starlet is riding in a limo. Her drivers try to kill her. Instead they get into an accident and she stumbles down the Hollywood hills with amnesia. She gets befriended by a wanna-be ‘starlet’. Things go Twilight Zone shortly after that. The scene in the diner, where these two, totally unrelated to the story, guys are talking, one  is telling about a recurring dream he has, that has to do with the diner that they are in presently. A walk ensues, to behind the building. The story teller is reliving his dream. He gets to a corner where the garbage bins are, and is completely horrified by what starts to peer around the corner back at him.....FUCKING CREEPY!!! I shit you not!
The movie on it surface, seems one of Lynchs’ more approachable, by the casual viewers of the usual tripe that passes for cinema. It has me firing all 8 gerbil wheels at once, more times than not trying to come up with another theory 'bout what's actually going on.
To put things a little more cut and dry... Lynch is like taking your brain to a swinger party only to find out, all in attendance either have no genitalia,or the ones that do, remind you of your first pet you loved so much, that died; Only to be brought back from the dead with messages of good will from the god Quetzalcoatl, provided you make a small sacrifice..
Long Live Lynch!!!  I hope you give his work a try. Besides, haven't you seen Monsters Inc.35  or  SAW 700 enough???

AnGRy BraDy

Stop Trying To Kill Halloween

Oh No! Look Out! Little Satanist Are Coming To Your Door!

As kids, we all remember the excitement that the end of October brought; pumpkin carving, costume parties, "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown", and Halloween episodes of your favorite 80's sitcoms. Every store in town had an aisle dedicated to costumes, all of which were in cardboard boxes with clear windows on the top so you could see the hard plastic mask inside and the vinyl costume underneath and the aisle with more candy than you had seen all year. The school Halloween parties where each kid wore their costume and paraded down the halls and through the classrooms to show off your bitchin' Darth Vader outfit or you Bionic Women kit.There would be half a dozen haunted houses that teenagers would stand in freezing rain to go through and bon fires for the adults to stand around in half-ass costumes while inbiding on Pabst or Falstaff.

All of this Halloween fun went on year after year my entire childhood and believe it or not...

We didn't all turn into Satanists!

But now, the elementary school kids in our school district (Rockwood) can't have Halloween parties. There are billboards in several parts of St. Louis adverstising "Realty Houses" as an alternative to Haunted Houses and today I saw signs available at a gas station in Kirkwood that say "NO TREATS! BAN THE GLORIFICATION OF SATAN!"

Really.

People have lost their minds.

Who the hell really thinks that Halloween has anything to do with Satan? No one but an idiots, and well you know the world is ful of them. Halloween comes from the traditions of Samhaim which was a day to celebrate the honored dead and remember family members that had died and to wear scary costumes to ward off evil, not call for it. I'm sure you know who to thank for the Satanic slant on Halloween, I don't think I have to name them, but it rhymes with Tristan.

Now and for nearly all of modern history Halloween has been about two things; candy and pretending to be someone you're not. There is nothing else to it. You crazy churchies can give up on all the Satan crap, we're not buying it. Anyway, Satan, really? Give me a break.

The funny thing is that the more churches try to stop Halloween the more people start to see how ridiculous churches are. To give you an idea how far they will go, there is a baptist church in Eureka Missouri that is doing a "reality house" that is a spin on the Hell House concept wherein the house displays scense of tragity and violence and attempts to scare you into thinking that if you don't drink their kool-aide your going to go to hell. The concept is really disturbing and uses fear to prompt people to convert.

Isn't that sort of against the very basic ethics of Christianity, just sayin'.

I've included a clip of a documentary on a hell house in Colorado that should fully illustrate my point.

I say, leave Halloween alone! Stop trying to turn everything kids have into some kind of mind control and keep your religion out of my fun!

With all due respect,
The Chief

Five Great Places to Eat within 5 Minutes of the Lone Wolf Coffee Company

Being a West St. Louis County resident presents a dining dilemma; where to eat/drink/hang that isn't a chain restaurant. In the Ellisville/Ballwin/Wildwood area there are many places to eat, but really only a few that offer a quality, varied menu and good service in a atmosphere that makes you feel like your eating a place that loves your community. We've lived in the Wildwood area for 17 years, and have impatiently waited for the menus to grow with the population. There have been some great places come and stay, and a few that stayed too long and we've tried them all.

As you may have read, a couple of our readers think that I am unsatisfiable. I am critical, picky, a bit harsh and sometimes downright nasty, but I want something other than Sysco re-heats and Sam's Club products for my dollar. 

To remove any concern that I "hate everything" I offer this "cluster-review"of my favorite places to dine, with your family, within five minutes of my least favorite place.

5)  Peppers Deli and BBQ - near Summer Winds Nursery, close to the corner of Clarkson and Manchester
     36 Clarkson Rd
     Ellisville, MO

After 11 years of serving some of the best smoked and barbecued meats in the area, Pepper has our vote. The location may not be glamorous, but the food kicks ass. My wife is the real Peppers fan. We get a big tray full of their smoked chicken quesadillas for our annual Halloween Party, about 50 and they are usually gone within first 10 minutes. Almost every year we have people ask us where they come from and we never hesitate to tell them.

We love to stop in for a quick and simple dinner during the week and typically split the Southwest BBQ Wrap with pulled pork. Its huge and filling and delicious. They have a big menu with everything from their 11 different wraps to 10 salads and gourmet dogs and sandwiches. Best of all though is they have like 11 different meats that are rubbed and smoked to perfection. Anything from angus brisket to buffalo burger to half chickens and most if not all of it is ready to take home in the coolers or can be order for pick up.

Like all the places in this review, the service here is as good as the food. Its a small place and there are usually just a couple of people working, but they knock out the orders in minutes and have the time to chit-chat with you while they do it. They even have a little patio area to the side, which is where we usually enjoy our wrap when the weather is decent.

Best of all, this year the owner called my wife to make sure that the quesadillas met her expectations and to thank her for her business over the last few years. He didn't have to call, we would have ordered next year anyway, but its nice to know that he noticed.


4)   Senor Pique - in front of Marshals and Homegoods
      14870 Manchester Rd
      Ballwin, MO 63011-4620

I am a mexiphile. Love the country, love the food, y la gente.  My whole family does. There are lots of mexican joints in the far West County area, but for my peso this place is the best. They don't sell you ground beef tacos and bland chicken fajitas that taste like your Aunt Edna made them with a Lowrys Seasoning packet. Their flavors are strongly authentic and their offerings are well beyond the standard Tex/Mex style of many of their competitors. They offer plates you just don't find anywhere else that I've been; like Tacos de Chicharon Verde - small "open face" tacos of porkloin cooked in jalapenos, or Tacos de Cameron - spicy grilled tiger shrimp tacos with chipotle cream and avocado or my personal favorite Chile Morita con Puerco - porkloin simmered in the house chile morita sauce that will burn your frigging eyes out but god its good.

As good as the food is, the service is better. The wait staff are all super friendly, super attentive and all seem to be having a good time. I've never had the opportunity to meet the owner/manager, but I've seen him in action. He always seems to be smiling and having a good time as well. Speaking of good times, they love to party at Senor Pique because they throw huge outdoor parties throughout the spring and summer starting with Cinco de Mayo.

And BTW they were voted the Best Mexican in St. Louis in the RFT for 2007. Great place.


3)  Sarah's Cafe and Bakery - by Elegant Child and Zick's Nursery
     505 Strecker Road 
     Wildwood, MO

I love breakfast. I love cupcakes. My wife does too.
We love Sarah's

I think we have been here almost every Saturday morning since sometime in March, with the exception of the past few months due to early morning 6th grade football games. I've had every scramble, the wheat germ pancakes, the waffles and the Southwest burrito. All crazy good. 

They serve espresso drinks as well a good cup of coffee and they keep your cup filled which I love.

The bakery stuff is ridiculous, -ly good. There are a lot of cupcake places in St. Louis all hoping to cash in on the Sprinkles craze and to be honest they all pale in comparison to Sarah's. These cupcakes are the right size, they have just enough frosting and the cake is high quality, not too sweet, moist, yum. The other bakery items are excellent as well like the cake truffles, the cookies and the bars. My wife is partial to the apricot bar which when they don't have it she almost cries.

They also do lunch but not dinner and the lunch menu is very good as well. I've only been there once for lunch and I had the Provencial Salad. The flavor and ingredient quality surpassed its $7.99 price tag.

Again, the service here is also excellent. You never wait for anything, your coffee cup is always full, your water glass is always full, your food is always hot and your order is always right. 


2)  Mulligans Grill - next to Gaffneys Sports, behind Pizza Hut
     11 Clarkson Road
     Ellisville, MO

21 beers from across the world, killer martinis, hot wings that call your name and burgers that could be served to royalty. Not your usual sports bar. I hate to even call it a sports bar because to me they're not places I usually want to go, but Mulligans is different, yet still a sports bar with TVs at every angle with every game on and the requisite Golden Tee.

They have honestly the best wings around. So good in fact, we have friends that come back to St. Louis three times a year after having moved to Wichita and always stop at Mulligans for wings, and take some home. I can't even imagine the way their car smells when they get home. Actually I doubt they make it home without eating the wings anyway.

My personal favorite is the Divot (all of the food items have golf related names) which is a huge albacore tuna fillet grilled with sautéed mushrooms and provel cheese on a kaiser roll. Its something that I can only go about two weeks without having to have it again. My wife craves the PGA wrap with their buffalo chicken strips, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and green onions. When she doesn't do the PGA she does the house salad with their homemade ranch. Simple and delicious.

One of our family's most requested items from Mulligans though is their waffle fries, which really are the best I've ever had.

All of this great food, served in a quaint Pub atmosphere that's super family friendly and served by people that say things like "great to see you guys again" and "welcome back we missed you" make Mulligans a place that my family will always return to.


1) Faraci's Pizza - right in front of Shop and Save in Ellisville
    15430 Manchester Road
    Ellisville, MO

The Faracis; Joe, Dorothy, Vince and Pete are like family to us. We have been regular customers since 1994, eating there every Friday night as a family or with friends and sometimes Saturday too. We bring everyone we know here, especially people that have never had St. Louis style pizza.

Now, if you don't like St. Louis-style pizza they have great pastas a killer house salad, great sandwiches and heck they even have a burger that my picky-ass son loves. But seriously what's wrong with you? St. Louis-style pizza is like heaven and makes Chicago-style look like the overweight, greasy mess it is. Thin crisp crust, provel cheese, square slices, ahh St. Louis style pizza is the best.

The thing though about Faracis Pizza that brings us back is the people, the owners and the staff. They are just really good, friendly, caring people. They love what they do and it shows. The Faraci elders, Joe and Dorothy are there to greet you at the door, ask how your kids are, how's business, how's life, et cetera. While the boys, Vince and Pete, yell "hey guys" from the window between the counter and the kitchen. The wait staff, Rene and Michelle have worked there forever and bring you your usual beverage without having to ask. Its that kind of place. Their back up crew, Tim and Anthony, are right there with whatever you need and are always hustling. And everybody is having fun. Lots of laughs, lots of smiles even when they place is completely full and has a line out the door.

There are other places in the five minute zone that are good too, but these are our favorites. If your favorite is not here, sorry, but feel free to say so. 


With all due respect,
The Chief

HEALTHCARE REDUX(WELL IN THIS CASE THE FIRST CAUSE THE LAST ONE WAS "LOST")

I’m going to attempt this one more time. This time this fucker is backed-up, locked-up, and Shemp-proofed!! If it goes away another time, well I’ll just post the Goddamn thing again and again until the servers ‘splode! As I attempted to say the first time about this whole “debate”; If you’re one of those “get the government out of my life”, neoCon, Wall Street can do no wrong, Ubber-puppets’. Your head is so far up Zombie- Reagan’s ass, that the fumes are starting to affect your judgement! If you’re one of those Patchouli oil huffing, Birkenstock adorning, past life channeling, “Government knows whats best, cause it only has my best interest in mind”, dipshits. Your head is up Pete Seager’s foreskin, and the smegma is becoming  too comforting!! You’re both wrong, and in some ways right!! Why does it always have to be such Polar fucking extremes with you people  Did any of you ever think that maybe there are possibilities coming from both ends? Before you jump down my throat; No we don’t always have to have the extremes to get us back to center! You see, if we do that here, we will end up with a watered-down, cater mostly to special interest groups scenario that’s too Goddamn important to fuck with this time! How about some stats???

1.National health care spending is expected to reach $2.5 trillion in this year alone!! Accounting for 17.6% of GDP. By 2018 $4.4 trillion!!

2.National healthcare expenditures are expected to increase faster than GDP from 2008-2018. 6.2% vs. 4.1% of GDP!!

3.Of the $2.1 trillion spent on H.C. in 2006, nearly $650 billion was above what the U.S. would expect to spend based on the level of wealth versus other nations. $186 billion of that being administrative costs!!

4.In the last 10 years employer-sponsored H.C. premiums have increased 131%!!

5.The cumulative increase in employer-sponsored H.C. premiums rose at 4x the rate of inflation and wage increases during the last 10 years!! Health insurance costs are the fastest growing expense for employers. Employer insurance costs overtook profits in 2008.

6.The Congressional Budget Office estimates that job-based H.C.  costs may increase 100% in the next 10 years costing a family of 4 $25,000 a year!!

7. 62% of all bankruptcies filed in 2007 were linked to medical expenses.

Small business will pay nearly $2.4 trillion over the next 10 years in H.C. costs for their workers, 178,000 small business jobs will be lost by 2018 as a result of such costs. $840 billion in small business wages will be lost due to high H.C. costs. Small business will loose $52.1 billion in profits due to high H.C. costs.

    

**Im not even gonna type any of this shit out, but if your interested go check these people out and do a little deductive reasoning and maybe some math and tell me if someone hasn't flown the coop at this site....

www.cc.org/health_care_fact_sheet

Or you can check this out....

www.healthcare4centralpa.org/us-healthcare/facts-a-figures

Or many others for and against...

BTW... Those stats were from The NCHC. For the other conspiracy buffs out there this organization is bi-partisan ranging from the likes of former prez’s George (the 1st)Bush, Jimmy Carter. Senators and Rep’s Robert D. Ray(R-IA) and Robert W. Edgar(D-PA). And a shit-ton of other starched collar types that some find impressive.

Listen, I know the whole thing Twain said about statistics, and I know everyone chooses to believe that which they do, mostly for illogical reasons, but when something smells rotten....You’re not just in Denmark!! This isn’t only about ‘the government’ running something else poorly: Although do some research on Medicare (not everything UNCLE SAM puts his mits on goes to shit). This is more “Swift Boating”, for lack of a better term, by BIG business (the super colossal type)so that they can keep their hands on the Administrative pie and not give it to the other la’ CosoNostra!! This is not about fairness!! Again it’s about power!! 

From a business stand-point, would you rather invest in your fellow Americans health? Or would you like to keep investing in his death? i.e. the 9 years of funding a worthless war at $2 trillion+ and counting? And would you like to bail out some more Wall Street Fucktards to the tune of at least $10 trillion and counting???!!!!! Get a fucking grip people!! Are most of you as stupid as you look??? 

I'm not saying this is a simple issue. It is an important issue that requires much investigation on all our behalves. More so than making decisions based on what some lunatic in Washington says, or what some talking-head pundit tells you, or for that matter what some goofy-assed dude, on some Shempy-assed blog writes!!! In other words, stop watching "America's got Tourette's" for a couple of nights and honestly make an effort to understand something for once, instead of being force-fed  your thoughts for the day!!

ANGRY BRADY

Open Letter to Richard Heene

Richard Heene, 

We completely understand your situation. We know how it feels to watch people on the television, acting like total asses, doing things that you would like to do, going places that you want to see, all the while thinking, Damn it I could do that!

Some out there in the real world don't get how frustrating it is to build really cool stuff like weather balloons and no one cares. Or to do really cool stuff like ride a motorcycle into a tornado and not get noticed. Or have your kids fly with you into a hurricane. Its a problem that we all can relate to. But don't despair. 

And no one knows better than we that the World is Full of Idiots and they are really easy to trick, but we also know something else.

NEVER TELL YOUR 6 YEAR OLD STUFF YOU DON'T WANT REPEATED. THEY ARE CRAPPY SECRET KEEPERS.

I have to hand it to you, the drama you created and your performance therein was pretty spectacular. When you came running around the balloon as it landed like you were the Road Runner or something with the cloud of dust kicking up around you I thought, "Man I hope that friggin kid is OK. His dad is freaking out."

Then I thought, "Hmm Uh oh, no kid. Whole Shit he fell out!" I never once thought, "I bet he's hiding in the garage because HIS GODDAMN DAD PUT HIM UP TO IT!"

Well done, but you really should have just knocked the little creeper out or something because he really blew it for you. Yet you still entertained me, like when Falcon says " because you said it was for the show" and you looked like you just crapped in your pants, but then pulled it together with a great bit of herumphing and mumbling. I couldn't stop laughing.

At you.

Or when Falcon puked on the Today show and you went on with the interview. Priceless. Now I have to admit the babble that you came up with after the "is this a hoax" question was a little Off Broadway.

I guess its like they say, The Show Must Gone On, right Rich?

We here at WFI were wondering though, could you give us a few pointer on how we can get our 15 minutes too? And if you have any suggestion on how to parlay that into a realty TV show that would be great.

With all due respect,

The Chief

Scary Movie Time!!!

It's that time of year.
Halloween.
I get more excited for this holiday over any other. I get to dress up. Get drunk. Vomit and roll down a hill.
Anyway...
Since we're on the subject of Halloween let's review some of the scariest scenes in movies and television.
These aren't necessarily the scariest movies of all time (with exception to The Exorcist) but the scenes that really jump out at you and make your eyes get big when they come up in a conversation.
And away we go...

The Exorcist
There's a ton of scary shit going on here. It's too hard to pick one scene. If I had to pick I'd have to go with the initial Head-Turning-All-The-Way-Around Scene.
Very unsettling to a brain-washed Catholic School Kid.
Jesus Christ. I'm creeping out just posting this photo. (plus I managed to find the crucifix picture)

Next!








Poltergeist
The Clown Scene. I never had Coulrophobia before this movie. This would have to be the one that started it all. Clowns have always been scary but this flick made you shit your pants over them. This is before Stephen King invented Pennywise and way before Killer Clowns From Outer Space (classic!).
This classic scene unfolds as little Robbie is going to bed and notices that the clown doll at the end of his bed is missing (who get's their little boy this thing in the first place?). He looks around then goes to peek under the bed. Lifts the sheets. Whew. Nothing. He sits up. HOLY SHIT! It's sitting next to him.
Finally, people witness the evil of clowns on screen!





The Amityville Horror
The 70s had some scary friggin' movies. The Exorcist. The Omen. The Amityville Horror. Like The Exorcist this movie was based on actual events.
The scene I found scariest was when the daughter is talking to Margot Kidder (before she became a homeless troll) about her imaginary friend. Margot humors her then turns to the window and sees a set of glowing red eyes looking at her! Geez. I just about pissed my pants. Of course, I was 10 when I saw it. But still...







The Ring
The very beginning of the movie when the girls are talking about the video tape and the following phone call. It all starts happening then cut to the scene where they find their bodies in the closet and the one girl's head tilts to the side.
For me this was the scene that really made you jump. But, when they play the actual tape and you see all the creepy images and the girl coming out of the well...All of that is classic creepy shit.









The Shining
The Stanley Kubrick version from 1980 didn't follow the book exactly but there was some creepy stuff going on here. I had the opportunity to stay at the hotel King based this on, the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, Colorado. I wandered around the halls at two in the morning just to creep myself out. It worked. If only I could have opened the doors to see weird shit like the picture to the left.
I mean really, WTF?









Signs
You would think that if I were to pick an M. Night Shyamalan film I would have chosen The Sixth Sense. But no. We are talking SCENES here folks. Without a doubt the Mexican Birthday Party footage scene takes the cake. (no pun intended)
You know what's coming. Aaaannny second now ... then BAM! Joaquin Phoenix's reaction is priceless. It perfectly mirrors what you're feeling. As that footage shows the alien it is one of the most perfect scenes in cinema timing.





And then there's these:

Any scene with the little doll from Trilogy of Terror.










These little bastards from The Wizard of Oz.










And of course, anything from HR Pufnstuf.











-Darth

STREET JOGGERS REVISITED

Street Joggers
Revisited...

Well this is a post i will reference the reader to all the way back in january or February, I do believe. this was a brief little ‘bitch’ about the people i was encountering on my way to the daily grind.
Things have not only gotten worse they’ve become down-right dangerous, bordering on the laughably dangerous!
FOR THE LAST 3-4 MONTHS NOW, WHETHER IT BE RIDING MY SCOOTER OR IN THE CAR, I HAVE ENCOUNTER ONE WOMAN IN PARTICULAR THAT DEEMS IT NECESSARY TO TAKE UP AT LEAST 1/3 OF THE RIGHT HAND LANE WHILE PERAMBULATING WITH HER ‘COMPANION’ AND IT’S DOG! MIND YOU, THE ‘COMPANION’ WALKS ON THE SIDEWAlk with said animal, while this bitch does what she does, with impunity!! did i mention this all transpires well before 7 a.m.? no reflective material. no blinking, “i’m a dirigible”, lights to be found! I’ve started this little game of yelling “sidewalk”!! to her. the first couple of times it made her stop and look. now it’s completely ignored. dumb ass is going to be on the news some day, with her not watching of course. her family lamenting on “what a good christian she was”, or “i can’t believe this could happen!”



This problem has gotten so out of hand that I’m now seeing hordes of these self righteous assholes running/walking/biking/crawling together, that i’m starting to wonder if george a. romero has new flick he’s shooting, or perhaps some of those 55 gallon drums filled with reanimation fluid have fallen off the railroad tracks and are leaking into the watershed!!


Again, what do these people think sidewalks are for? Are they afraid that if utilized for their intended purpose they will somehow make them walk? “ooohh, better not get on that thing. might screw up my nike+ipod workout!” dummies!!

this problem has bled over even into my lower middle class neighborhood! just the other day, some of the ‘punch the clock, would rather be punching the boss’ yokels were sauntering down the middle of the street in my ‘hood. i thought, jumpin’ jesus, this must be a fucking disease that’s spreading!! that’s the reason for the revisit. this is becoming a plague! I think this needs to be taken seriously, or some of you shitheads are going to be taking up way too much time clogging up news hours with more important details like, what blingy new rap eminenima is gesticulating about or, which of the olsen twins will loose so much weight, that when she turns to the side, she disappears!!
the moral of this story kids: unless you're a car, or a bike, or motorcycle..... use the goddamn sidewalk!!!









AnGry BrADy

First the Moon, Then Iran?

How else do you explain why NASA bombed the Moon on the 8th.

They say that they where looking for lunar water, trapped just under the Moon's surface. This little experiment carried a $78 million price tag too.

Did we find 78,000,000 bottles of Aquafina under the lunar landscape, I don't know they haven't said yet, but what I do know is that the timing of this test is interesting, follow along.

On September 25th, we announced that we know about a hidden uranium enrichment facility in a mountain top cave near Qom, one Iran is not talking about. Not only do we know about it, but we HAVE known about it since before the inauguration of President Obama. Not only is it a hidden facility but its a facility hidden in a military base of the Iranian Republican Guard.

October 1st, the G-20 meets and tells Iran that they are in big trouble. Big deal. Ahmadinejad didn't seem frightened. The Russians said that Iran better open its doors to inspection and Iran said "back off assholes".

Iran's response to the US announcement wherein we accused them of hiding the facility was one of indignation, not to be unexpected. However Tehran says they told the IAEA about the facility a year ago and that its not operational yet and won't be for 18 months.

Seems to me that ol' Makmaud made Obama and the G-20 look a little foolish, or at least they look like they've been hiding something themselves.

All the while, for the last year, the military has been developing a "Bunker Buster". A bomb that can blast through solid rock before it explodes. Its proported to be able to penetrate as much as 400 feet of mountain or concrete, just about the right distance to carry a payload into say a mountain top uranium enrichment facility.

So comes October 8th and the big NASA test to find water on the Moon. Why? NASA has equipment that can turn piss into drinking water, so they really wouldn't need to spend $78 million to find water for future lunar bases. But what if some smart accountant at the Goverment Account Office (GAO) realized that "Hey we need to test this bunker buster and we need to do this water finding experiment on the Moon and the President wants to freak out the iranians, why don't we shoot the Moon with the Bunker Buster?"

No doubt that Ahmadinejad saw the test and though, "hmm maybe we need to build the next facility a little deeper."

With all due respect,
The Chief

Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Ask What?

This week our President promised to lift the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy in the United States Military. Personaly, I think its way passed due but I also believe he's going to have to do a lot of convincing to get the old farts in the upper echelons of the Services to go along with it.

There are so many things wrong with this policy that I won't even bother to go in to them.
Ok ,I can't resist so, I'll just list a few that come to mind:

Can't a gay guy kill an enemy combatant just as well as a straight guy?

If you were pinned by insurgent rocket and gun fire in a house in Mosel, would you really refuse cover by a bisexual infantryman?

After being shot at and watched your fellow soldiers getting blown up all day, do you really think the gay corporal is looking at your junk in the field shower?

If a gay soldier bombs out an entire village of Taliban, are they any less dead and don't you think that Osama hates it when gays blow up his villages?

Besides these more or less obvious questions, I have to wonder are there other things that we should Not Ask and Not Tell, like?

Don't Ask the President why Israel can have nukes but Iran can?

If you suspect a guy worships someone called Xenu, Don't Ask him if he's a Scientologist and he won't Tell you that he carries an E-meter in his field pack.

Don't Ask how much we spend on our military presense in the Middle East per day and they won't Tell you it cost $228 million per day.

Don't Ask a Marine if he knows what language Semper Fi is from and he won't Tell you that he thinks its Spanish.

Don't Ask General Petareus where Osama bin Laden is and he won't Tell you that they have no goddamn idea.

Just because you suspect that the Lietenent is screwing the nurse in your base med station, Don't Ask because he might Tell you that she uses forcepts on his rectum.

Don't Ask the asian guy in your platoon if he's Chinese because he's probably Korean and they hate the Chinese.

Besides, isn't this the Land of the Free where someone once wrote, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Unfortunately I doubt that the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell will end homophobia and life-style discrimination in this country but its a start. While you're at it though, I'd limit the Gay Pride Parades for a while, they don't help much.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Another Reason to Hate VH1

A big trend lately is Lists.

"Top 10 Greatest Movie Villains"

"Top 50 Greatest Albums of All Time"

and, of course, "VH1's Greatest One-Hit Wonders".

You've heard me go off on One-Hit Wonders before and how there were way more in the '90s than '80s.

This time I will be removing some bands from this classification or at least educating you on the shortcomings of the VH1 staff (who only know how to make reality TV these days).

Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Conner

Was this Sinead's only hit? Yes. It hit #1 in 1990 and overshadowed her career. Of course she also got a little nutty, Prince threw her out of his moving limo, she ripped up the Pope's picture on SNL, she became a priest. BUT she had some great music. The album this song came off of, I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got, had some great songs on it. Her debut album, The Lion and the Cobra, is one of the greatest alternative albums of the 1980s. Anyone who listened to college radio or kept up with post-punk-new-wave-whatever had this album. Some of great songs: Mandinka, I Want Your (Hands on Me) and Troy. Go listen to Troy right after you read this post. Really loud.

A-Ha - Take On Me

This was, without a doubt, one of the greatest videos of all time and it was a huge hit back in 1985. But they had two other songs that were realeased and had moderate airplay; "Hunting High & Low" and "The Sun Always Shines on TV." I remember the album being pretty decent. They remain the only memorable rock band that hailed from Norway.

Crash Test Dummies - Mmm, Mmm, Mmm

No one really heard a voice like this guy when they came out with this song. Somehow it worked.However, these guys put out some good music after that song. They were spotty, album-wise, but I can list a handful of great songs they did: Superman Song, Afternoons and Coffee Spoons and a cool cover of XTC's Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead.

The Cardigans - Love Fool

They also had a few songs that had airplay; My Favorite Game and Erase/Rewind. But the coolest song they ever did was a cover of

The Talking Heads' Burning Down the House with Tom Jones. Sounds crazy but it is totally awesome. You can't knock Tom Jones. He took down Martians.

Big Country - In a Big Country

Big strike against them: their song contains their name. Double whammy.
Despite this song being so big, the album it came from was actually a really good record. The Crossing also contained Fields of Fire, which was a moderate hit.
They had another record, Peace in Our Time, which was an all around great album. Not a bad song on it.

Devo - Whip It

This is probably the biggest travesty on this retarded list. Devo is one the greatest pioneering bands ever. Those who write them off as a OHW shouldn't be able to give their opinion.
They had one of the greatest covers of all time. Satisfaction.
Let's not forget their classics Freedom of Choice, Beautiful World, Girl You Want and Jocko Homo.
Not bad for a bunch of guys from Akron, Ohio.

The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony

This was a very big hit. Do you know anyone who doesn't like this song?

The Rolling Stones maybe? The orchestra sample that runs through this song is lifted from their 1965 track "The Last Time." Long story short: The Stones sued them and Jagger and Richards are now credited as 100% songwriters. The Verve didn't make a cent on this song even though they wrote all the lyrics and accompanying music to the piece and negotiated to sample the music before they recorded. Jagger and Richards felt they over did it once they saw the song become a big hit. This is similar to what Queen did to Vanilla Ice for swiping "Under Pressure" for "Ice Ice Baby". The difference being he never got permission of any kind from the band.

They did have another hit on Urban Hymns; Luck Man. Great song. I just heard it while watching "Marley & Me." At least Jagger and Richards won't get any money from that.

The Waitresses - I Know What Boys Like

Not one of my favorites on this list but I have to point out that they have one of the most popular Christmas songs of the last 20-something years, Christmas Wrapping.
Admit it. You like that song.

Metal Stuff
I was never a big metal fan but I have a lot of friends who are and to be honest it's really grown on me over the last couple years. Nostalgia? I don't know.

Twisted Sister - We're Not Gonna Take It

They also had "I Wanna Rock". Both videos featured the Niedermeyer guy from Animal House. That alone makes them cool. Speaking of cool. Notice the one guy in the band who said "Fuck it. I'm not putting on the makeup. I'm just wearing shades and a goatee." Right on.

Ratt - Round & Round

Lay It Down was pretty big as well. They also had Back For More, You're In Love and Wanted Man.
I feel dirty for knowing these songs. Must Shower.

Quiet Riot - Cum On Feel The Noise

This was the first heavy metal song to make Billboards Top 5. The album, Metal Health, hit #1. I think I was one of the only kids to NOT have this thing on vinyl. The title track was a big hit as well.

I remember kids wearing that retarded mask from the album cover at halloween.

So there you have it. Yet another reason to hate VH1. They can shove all their lists up their asses. While they're at it they can also take their reality shows and every "I Love the..." bullshit show. The last good thing they did was Popup Video. At least they showed MUSIC videos with that. They just brought back "Behind The Music." But who wants to watch that when it covers Kanye West and Jay-Z. Those episodes should be retitled "Behind the Guys Who Talk Over Music."

-Darth Taco

And the IgNobel Goes To....

A Big gelignite Packed

e-vite to

alfred bernhard nobel

As most of you out there know, celebrities do so little for me that I’d gladly take a beating with a rusted tire-iron. So I’ve made the decision to only do e-vites to those that are deceased, or that are soon to be. Ahhh... The cheerful satisfaction of the “Great Equalizer”. She don’t just come to you and me. Even the most plasticine marionette Sony/Fox/MGM can envision, through endless focus groups, age group profiling, Neilson ratings, or mass bombardment of one’s senses; WILL ALL CEASE TO BE. Just shuffle off “This Mortal Coil”. What a reassuring thought!

I thought it would be apropos, considering all of the awards being given out to various human types across the globe, to give a big ‘ole Angry shout out to a man probably quite near the top of the food chain when it comes to being responsible for quite a shit-ton of human misery and carnage. This man is none other than Alfred Nobel...

Mr. Nobel; chemist, engineer, armaments manufacturer, and last but not least inventor of Dynamiteand Gelignite A.K.A blasting gelatin. This fuckers legacy has been the bane of many a poor ‘Hop Sing the rail road builder’ and ‘Stanley the unsuspecting hostage’ types for well over a century now!! Hell!! If it weren’t for Nobel the Mangler, that barrel full of laughs Phineas P. Gage may have gone on to pressing flowers in children's books and waxing poetically on the finer details of Autoregressive Conditional Heteroskedasticity, embeded derivatives, and portfolio separation theorems.

I know of many situations where the use of Dynamite could have been completely avoided, but was also quite inappropriate! The painting of the Sistine Chapel by Leonardo D’Crappio, or the development of the Pan flute and Lyre, or most musical instruments for that matter! Or how about the beginning of a multiple colored sunset who’s light is diffused through Cirrostratus clouds viewed from an isolated beach?! I mean why use that shit for those destructive purposes?? Instead, the inverse of such perversion, ingenuity and careful reasoning, was fully utilized for situations as mellow and loving as: The Peloponnesian Wars. The 100 Years War. The Boer Wars.The Ottoman-Habsburg Wars, The Crusade’s, The Muscovite-Lithuanian wars, The War of Mantuan Succession, The Rum Rebellion, The Arakanese Uprising, The Gurkha War, The Seminole Wars, The Missouri Morman War (although a little more ingenuity and careful reasoning would have been nice on this one), The Sicilian revolution of independence ( they lost that one cause they kept sliding down the hills and couldn’t hold on to their weapons), and of course WW1&WW2, both of which had some of the most loving, caring examples of Human-hood ever seen!

I know, how silly Brady! Well Mr. Nobel, I see through your thinly disguised veil of Altruism! Just ‘cause you feel bad about inventing something that killed a few Injuns, some indentured servants, and quite a few lower class Euro-Sweat rejects; You think giving all your ill-gotten gains at your demise will save your soul... Them’s fightin’ thoughts!! So put up or shut up you dirt-napping Humo-Jerky!! I dare you to respond to this e-vite you soil wasting Necro-Tard!! I bet you don’t even have the gutsssss never mind ‘bout that one. You boney oxygen depleted deadbeat!! Your mortician dresses you funny and you smell like peat!! Where’s you Dynamite Messiah now wrinkle-boy? You couldn’t debate your way out of a wet pine coffin!!

I Don’t expect to hear from you any time soon you Swedish bomb dealer!!

ANgry brady

Buy The Way, I’m still pissed at my last 800+ word treatise being “Misplaced/Electro-mechanically pinched”