Other People's Kids and Other People's Dogs.
Come on you know I'm right. Of all the irritating shit we put up with everyday, in all the stupid, fucked up ways that the universe torments us, with all the gougingly demented methods at the unwitting disposal of the retarded masses that flood our streets, no two things are more universally disliked.
Other People's Kids
Probably the most frequent offender, other peoples kids are something that must be stopped. There needs to be laws protecting my right not to listen to stories about or be subjected to other people's kids. Kids in general are a pain in the ass, but sorry folks your kids are not:
1) Cute
2) Funny
3) Clever
4) Smart
5) Interesting
6) Unique
7) Talented
or Special. No they're not special no matter how many times you tell me about how great they were in their last hockey game or how many back flips she can do, no matter how many books he is reading right now or in what languages, no matter how big the laughs were at his retarded skit in the school talent show, I DON"T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FUCKING KID!
Please don't tell me about how many boys call your house for your daughter. Nothing you can say makes that sound anything other than pervy. I don't want to hear about all the baseball tournaments your little pencil dick jocko-homo is going to be in this summer. I doesn't matter, he's still going to end up a fat, bald prick just like you. I DON"T CARE! SHUT UP ALREADY!
Other People's Dogs.
Or cows, cats, or horses or whatever. They're annoying. The stories about how your dog can say "outside" and how she brings you the morning paper and your slippers and your heroine needles are not interesting. They're boring. They're boring because you tell them all the fucking TIME!
Also, don't make me pet your fucking dog. I don't want to. I don't care that "sees gonna det her feewings hwurt if I don't". She is a dumb dog and all she knows is that humans rub on them and feed them. She doesn't care who does it. I don't really care that your cat never comes to strangers. It probably shouldn't anyway. Because strangers don't want fucking cat hair all over them!
While we are at it, don't pet my goddamn dog either. I don't need to hear about how much he likes you and how he's knows you now. Shut up. Its a fucking dog.
Leave your dog at home please. Don't bring it with you to Starbucks. We all know why you do it. You crave the attention. You're an asshole. The rest of us just want to drink our coffee and eat our sweet crap and be left alone. I don't need your 200 pound mountain lion/giant monster fucking dog sticking his wet nasty nose in my neck trying to eat my food. I also don't want to have to worry that your pitbull/doberman pincher is going to eat my kids either.
Then again, it can eat that other guy's kids though. They won't shut up anyway.
With All Due Respect,
The Chief
1 comment:
One of my friends at work just had a baby. Nothing wrong with that but before she had her baby she freakin hated kids and had no problem letting people know it. Now i have to listen to her stories and see every picture she has taken the over the last few months. Like i really give a shit. I am glad she is happy, but for gods sake leave the bullshit for the family!
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