Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Dirty Darril Needs Milk

So I'm at the local grocery store.I only need a gallon of milk.I've just had a very strenuous 12-hour day. My goal is to get in and out of there as quickly as possible so I can get home and relax.
So I trudge all the way to the back of the store, grab my milk and proceed to the front.What's the quickest way to get out? Of course, the Cash Only 10-Items-or-Less line.That's what you would think. But NO!I get in line. There is one woman in front of me. Should only take a minute.
After more than 10 beeps from the checker's scanner I start counting the items she is purchasing. Grand total? 32 items.We're not talking packs of gum or peanuts. We're talking produce, liters of soda, frozen dinners, canned goods.I start counting out loud, "15!" *BEEP* "16!" *BEEP*"17!" *BEEP* "18!"*BEEP* "19!" *BEEP* "20!"*BEEP* "21!" *BEEP* "22!" "What the fuck!?"The clerk says, "Excuse me sir. Do you have a problem?"
"No. You have a problem. You're fucking letting people come through this line with more items than the should." "Aren't you a Ten-Items-or-Less, Cash Only checkout?"
"Well, it doesn't really matter at this time of night, SIR."
"Well, you know what, I come in here just to get my milk and I have stand for this bullshit while you let it go on? This is your job."The 32-item lady turns to me, "I'll be right out of here." Then she takes out her checkbook. Her mother fucking checkbook.I say, "Mother Fucker! You've GOT to be fucking kidding me!" "Do you see the CASH ONLY sign, lady?!!?"The clerk says, "SIR. Can you relax a little?" "We don't need that type of language in here."
"Are you fucking out of your fucking mind?" "You're going to correct me while you're the one not doing your fucking job?" "I have to stand behind this fucking CUNT while she writes a fucking check in a Goddamn CASH lane?"
"Fuck You"
"Sir. You will not be able to check out at this store. Really? Fuck you and this fucking store."
Without breaking eye contact I fling my precious gallon of milk over my shoulder and give the fuck-you finger to the cunt who couldn't do her job properly in the first place.As I strolled from the lane to the exit door. Hearing gasps and whispers (and the gallon milk landing far away) the security guard walks towards me as I leave the store."You have no idea what kind of day I had. Don't fuck with me."He walked off. Face down.
Four days later I needed a loaf of bread and they wouldn't let me in.It sucked. That was the closest grocery store to my house.

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