So you are all wondering why Jesus is drinking and smoking a cigarette. Let me explain. Long ago, God created, sorry, that's too far back. I'm sure we all have heard the "let there be light" story. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, and God gave his only begotten son...blah, blah blah so that we may have peace on Earth. What he did not know was that we were going to rape and murder and steal and lie for our own personal gain to the effect that our way of life has become nothing more than a sick and twisted rat race for a piece of cheese that by the time we get it, it's hard on the edges and half of it has to be cut away so now we still don't have enough.
Do you think that Jesus thought for one minute that there would be women cutting babies out of other women's stomachs? Or his own clergy jerking off little boys? What about the guys with the candy bars melting in their laps sitting by the playgrounds? Do you think he thought of slavery or world wars? Was Jim Backer a thought? How about Two Girls One Cup? Let's ask him if he thought about abortion (which by the way is next weeks story, so stay tuned). You already know that he didn't think about pollen. We obviously know that he thought out no plan for america because Obama is President. Of course I could be wrong, he did allow Clinton a blow job, that's heaven sent, but he did disguise his helping by making Monica ugly and stupid. Did we touch on David Koresh? Manson?, Falwell?, Rush?, And that purple fuck, Barney?
How could you create such a world of complete bliss and watch it turn into a great big pile of shit, and not pick up a couple of bad habits? By the way, should they be considered bad habits? If I mow the lawn, I reward myself with a beer. Can't imagine what I would do if I created the world! Maybe you people should look at yourself and ask what you have done to turn Jesus to drinking?
If you asked that last question to Jesus, maybe it's you I should be bitching at because you are the douchebags that keep this Jesus character alive so you have somebody to talk to when everyone else passes out!
Bottom line, Jesus drinks, smokes, does the occasional line.
AND
He surfs, watches porn, and jacks-off.
Your feelings hurt?
WHATEVER!
Call Dr. Phil, he's a dick, but at least he's real!
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Dirty Darril
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