Yes, it's Easter-time and that means its time to dye eggs and not eat them. Time to eat chocolate eggs but not understand why. Time to wonder at the magic of a bunny that lays eggs. Time to hide eggs and send kids out to find them only to later have them refuse to eat them as well. Time to sit on two-legged, giant rabbits that live in the mall and think to ourselves what the hell is going on.
My kids have asked me for years, "Dad, why do we dye eggs and is the Easter Bunny Jesus?" In their early years I played along and settled for discussing the ridiculous nature of this holiday with my fellow Illuminati, but now that they are older I am free to say: NOTHING, ITS BULLSHIT. THE EARLY CHRISTIAN LEADERS USED A PAGAN HOLIDAY TO SUBVERT THE CONVERTED!
Come on already! Pink and blue hard boiled eggs? What do they represent? Do they mean to suggest that Jesus was a chicken? No. They represent fertility and the rebirth of spring. Duh! And please don't try the whole "the egg represents rebirth as in Jesus' rising from the dead" thing because I don't think He emerged from a giant egg like Mork.
So folks watch out for the Holy Bunny and remember where you hid all the eggs because even Jesus would say "what the fuck" if he found a 3 month old egg in the spoon drawer.
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