Give up breathing for Lent! A.K.A. Do us all a favor and just piss off!

Not being of the religious persuasion, I'm shocked every year, but especially this year being that where I work I'm surrounded by it, when people smear ash on their foreheads, and walk around for the day looking like a zombie out of a George A. Romero flick!

This tradition puzzles me so greatly, that I decided to do a little research.
So..... Here goes....

Lent, as most Christian dogmas, was stolen from the Pagans. That's just for starters! "Awe fucking quit it all ready," you say! No, fuck you! I have to exist in this culture too! And I'm sick of some Christians blathering on about being discriminated against! That's a load of Dingo kidney's! I honestly never met a group of more discriminating individuals in my life (this goes for most organized religion)! But for today, I'm picking on Christians.

On with the story!

Lent is a three-fold process, supposedly ,but as most traditions go, it gets bastardized and watered down!

1. Give penance (desire to be forgiven). Pffft!!! I'm sure you're all thinking of this one as that palm ash is smeared on your pious forehead!

2. Alms giving (justice towards all) NOT ARMS GIVING! Most of you are probably thinking Old Testament (also a good death metal band) shit here. Well think what you like; if justice were truly meted out, most of of would be up the proverbial "Creek Without a Paddle".

3. Prayer (justice towards God). Like he needs a little juzztize...

Moving on... Lent is supposed to be forty days. Culminating in Easter!! Weeeeee! It's funny how we humans need things driven into our skulls! Numbers and patterns and the like! What the fuck is he talking about you say?! 'Viddy well me brother, viddy well' i.e. 40 days Jesus spent in the desert. God made it rain for? You guessed it..40 days. Elijah spent on Mt. Horeb,40. The amount of time the Heebs spent being Red Sea Pedestrian, 40 days. Jonah gave Nineveh to repent or face the wrath of your "Loving God", 40! For fuck sake! Need I continue? I needn't.

Let's just put it this way; how many of you really realize that by looking like you just got off the set of Serpent and the Rainbow and scaring the shit out of little children and humble story tellers, such as yours truly, what Lent truly means?!

I watch a lot of these people come from Lenten Mass, get in their car, and proceed to smack the ever-loving shit out of the "fruit of their loins". Talk about self-hatred! Or maybe they partake in the Lenten season and proceed to convince themselves they are "Good Christians", and happily send their "loved ones" off to kill brown-skinns in the name of "JUSTICE" and maybe a little oil!

Listen! I've got absolutely nothing against Spirituality! As a matter of fact, I whole heartedly condone it!! I know, I know, your saying "this fucking looney supports that. Yeah right!"

Honestly, I just play an asshole on t.v.

Let me tell you something. THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SPIRITUALITY AND RELIGION!!!! One is feeling it and one is the dogmatic process that's supposed to get you to the former!

Wouldn't that be a novel idea?! You mean I can be spiritual and I don't need some fucker telling me how to attain it? And I don't even have to tithe my way to the promised land? You mean I don't have to go to a man-made house to talk to the spirit of the light? WTF you say! You mean I can develop my own conception of a Universal Connectedness? Holy Dick and Balls! (this is beginning to sound like a scene out of Life of Brian!)

My advise, not that you are asking, give up the dogma! Dance to your own tune! Give up the McReligion!

Free your mind!

Well if you've read this far and don't want to search me out and pull a "Rambo" on my ass, congrats to you! You may well have one or two open-minded brain cells left! Pat yourself on the back and stay away from those morbid death cults (another good band, BTW)!

Peace be with you my brothers and sisters, or if you must, go to the title of this little rant and follow those instructions (if you really must be told what to do!) Or, go pound sand! Just stay in your own back yard. And to use a term of a very close and true friend... Don't shit in my bed!
Enough! Latter!

Angry Brady
Sent from my iPhone