Do I have a Disease or Am I Just Getting Old?

Are you old? I'm not. I'm not sure that I'll ever be, but right now I'm either having a heart attack or the fried clam strips from Mulligans are burning through my stomach lining.

I have this pain on the side of my neck that feels like what I would guess Muscular Dystrophy feels like, but it also could be from lying on the couch for 2 hours instead of sitting on it. Is this what getting old feels like? If so, then I refuse to continue to age.

All day my left eyebrow was sore, like maybe I have a tumor, or maybe all the shit-heads that surround me are giving me a headache, or maybe both. Every year that passes seems to bring more morons and derelicts and I think its giving me a tumor.

Yesterday for most of the afternoon my right upper eyelid twitched like it was trying to flee from that prick below it. That's old people shit right? WebMD says that this can be caused by stress or too much caffeine, both of which I consume. Then again, checking WebMD might be old people shit too.

While I type this my fingers in my right hand are tingling from typing-induced carpal tunnel syndrome. Goddamn it! Anything that includes the word "induced" seems like it should go away when you quite inducing it right? But I can't stop bitching so I can't stop typing. The inability to stop bitching is also gerontological phenomenon I think.

Nope. On second thought I feel fine, because I'm still 38 for a few more weeks and 38's not old!

The Chief
Ah, This is Bullshit. I don't want to get old!