Everybody Sucks (on the Internet)

Have you ever had that person who you just shouldn't have given your email address to? Or Friended on Facebook?
I'm sure you have.
I happen to have a friend who sends about 15-20 emails a day. All worthless. The usual "forward to 10 people or something horrible will happen", cute pictures of animals and crap about friendship.
What I hate most is "cute" cartoons of this bitch:

The reason I hate getting these is because the lady sending it is not even 50-years-old. Can you really relate to these cartoons already?

What old lady wears those sunglasses? Only Jon & Ponch and the Uni-bomber wear those things.
Also, leave the bitching to us Maxine.

How about the cute pictures this person usually sends? Puke.
Here's what I see when they are forwarded to me:

In addition to these syrupy attachments I also get the damn emails about Jesus. Quit sending those. I'm not going to be converted. The Lord may work in mysterious ways. The internet is not one of them. It's the devil's playground, if anything.

Now, on to Facebook. I know that The Chief has done his share of bitching about Facebook but now it's my turn.

You know how when you first join you friend everyone? Only after about 50 friends and a month do you realize you should have been more selective.
Everyone has that one "friend" who posts nothing but how wonderful their life is and all the places they've been. Every 30 minutes. With pictures.
There needs to be more friends out there that post shitty things that happen to them to balance things out.
I have one friend who posted pictures of the aftermath of a dog attack:

Right on. There needs to be more of this shit. Less pictures of you in front of the Eiffel Tower and Big Ben.
Also, quit telling us how beautiful of a day it is. I want to hear how shitty of a day you're having. Misery loves company. You never see a post with more comments than "Today is a beautiful day!" Puke.

Or, how about these people who use pics of their kids and/or pets as their profile pictures? I want to see how decrepit you look these days.

Also, quit Twittering on Facebook. You don't have to update us every twenty minutes about where you are or what you're doing.
We could care less that you just had a steak at an overpriced, trendy restaurant. Not impressed.

Well, I'm done with last weeks article. Sorry I'm late. I was busy checking my email and fooling around on Facebook.

One last thing, I didn't use the word Fuck once in my post. It's a first.
-Darth