Facebook - The Biggest Doucheblog of Them All?

Unless you live between W's ears, you've heard of Facebook. And for those of you have not yet set up their profile or been invited to, you are probably better off.

Facebook is without a doubt the biggest time-suck since free porn previews or Craigslist personals and yet it has become the most pervasive communication platforms on the web. Social networking? I don't know what that even means. Facebook is a way to reconnect with people that you probably don't need to connect with anyway, but if it makes us all get along better then well so be it. There are exceptions for sure. I personally have found people that I am really glad to be ability to banter back and forth with, but at least 3 times a day people show up on my "People You May Know" thing that I haven't forgotten about but was trying to avoid. I'm sure you have the same feeling and if I'm one of them, do you really think I care?

I'm thinking about adding a page to the site where you can send in screenshots of peoples Facebook pages and leave anonomous remarks, because really isn't that what we are doing via private email anyway? We promise not to put your name on it as long as you promise to be cleaver. You can ever send in my profile if you want, I love a challenge.

As Darth Taco once said, Let the hate mail flow!

Do I have a Disease or Am I Just Getting Old?

Are you old? I'm not. I'm not sure that I'll ever be, but right now I'm either having a heart attack or the fried clam strips from Mulligans are burning through my stomach lining.

I have this pain on the side of my neck that feels like what I would guess Muscular Dystrophy feels like, but it also could be from lying on the couch for 2 hours instead of sitting on it. Is this what getting old feels like? If so, then I refuse to continue to age.

All day my left eyebrow was sore, like maybe I have a tumor, or maybe all the shit-heads that surround me are giving me a headache, or maybe both. Every year that passes seems to bring more morons and derelicts and I think its giving me a tumor.

Yesterday for most of the afternoon my right upper eyelid twitched like it was trying to flee from that prick below it. That's old people shit right? WebMD says that this can be caused by stress or too much caffeine, both of which I consume. Then again, checking WebMD might be old people shit too.

While I type this my fingers in my right hand are tingling from typing-induced carpal tunnel syndrome. Goddamn it! Anything that includes the word "induced" seems like it should go away when you quite inducing it right? But I can't stop bitching so I can't stop typing. The inability to stop bitching is also gerontological phenomenon I think.

Nope. On second thought I feel fine, because I'm still 38 for a few more weeks and 38's not old!

The Chief
Ah, This is Bullshit. I don't want to get old!

Quick Review - Shitty New Cafe´ / Coffee Place in West County

LOGO REMOVED BECAUSE SOMEONE GOT THEIR FEELINGS HURT


ALERT! This is a real review! Not the usual Bullshit!


Lone Wolf Coffee Company
15480 Clayton Road
Ballwin, Missouri 63011
Phone: 636-527-7027

They've been open for a month, maybe more and we've been twice. Both times for an early dinner and post-mangia coffee. The first night we arrived to a chaotic gathering of people, presumably friends of the owner or family maybe, and even though their numbers we less than 20, the FIVE people behind the counter acted like a circus train just pulled up. It was kind of funny, in a very irritating sort of way, like the kind of funny you experience when a clown steps on your foot.

We worked for about 10 minutes to order our food, two sandwiches, to only discover that they don't have a soda fountain. They only serve 1-liter bottles of Pepsi products out of an open-face cooler next to the register. Very tacky and disappointing 1) because we hate Pepsi and 2) because duh! people usually want fountain soda not plastic bottled soda especially in an eat-in restaurant.


Once we had finished our order, we sat at a two top by the windows near the register so that we could watch people coming in and out and to see their reaction to the place. The reaction was pretty universal; a mix of "what do you mean you don't have fountain soda" and "how fucking hard can it be to order a sandwich" with a touch of "hey a new place!".

My wife and I sat and watched and looking over the decor while we waited and waited for our food. It was maybe their second week so we expected it to take a while. The ambiance is, well not particularly appealing unless you like eating in a cycling center. Our guess is that the owner Ralph Pfremmer is a cyclist. (Refer to an earlier post on "Ah This Is Bullshit" for our opinion on cyclists) There are pictures of dickfaces in those stupid skin-tight cycling outfits all over the place. These pictured are scattered among framed racing numbers, because you know they're artwork, and photos of mountain landscape that they got at a starving artist sale. The walls are clad in fako-stone as to give the feel of a mountain lodge I suppose, but it really just doesn't make any sense with the rest of the cycling shit. There is a fireplace in one corner with a stage set up for a two piece band, which might be nice at some point, but I hope they stick with improving the food and service first.


Speaking of the food, once it came we were overwhelmed with boredom. I had the Mt. Fuji ($6.95) which is thinly sliced house-roasted beef with red pepper, cilantro, red onion & a wasabi sauce. Its served on split baguette. My wife had the St. Helena ($6.95) a swiss, cheddar & mozzarella cheeses w/ grilled pepper sandwich, served on balsamic-rubbed baguette. Hers came with house-made chips and mine the Paradise Lake salad. My sandwich was really just a dry roast beef. The red peppers were nearly untastable and the wasabi sauce tasted like little more than mayonnaise. The cilantro and red onion were represented by a single sprig and two rings respectively. The best part of the sandwich was the bread, which was actually very good. The salad was decent but drowning in its dressing, something that I really hate. The St. Helena was equally boring and tasteless. The cheeses were ice cold so they tasted like nothing and the grilled peppers were bland and kind of oily. The bread was clearly rubbed with something as evidenced by the oily stain on the slices, but it offered little to tickle the tongue. The chips were regrettably overdone and tasted like that nasty burnt Lays that you accidentally eat when you're not looking.


Once we finished the sandwiches, which took 15 minutes to get, I orders the coffee. They pour Kaldi's coffees which are in my opinion some of the best beans in the St. Louis area, if not the best. The barista (funny word) was very competent but under supported by his fellow counter-staff. I had a brewed cup, which was good, but then again its Kaldi's coffee really al Lone Wolf did was brew it. My wife had a caramel macchiato which should have been excellent given the coffee, but it had that burnt taste that espresso takes on when it's over-expressed or burnt in the grinder. Again it was early in their run so we figured we'd come back.


And we did about three weeks later (maybe two) This time we were the only people there. It was about 4:45pm and we had the place and staff to ourselves so we expected a different experience. Instead we were met with two different counter people that didn't know the menu or how to operate the POS machine. This time I had the Marrakesh ($6.95) Harissa-grilled chicken breast with lettuce, tomato, onion, spices and yogurt sauce, served on grilled flatbread. My wife did the St. Helena again. She wanted soup because it was ass-cold out, but all they had was some kind of beef stew soup that just didn't sound appealing. I had the salad as a side again and she the chips; we're predictable like that. When I read the description of the Marrakesh my first thought was of savory spiciness and tangy yogurt sauces, the flavors of Indian and Moroccan cuisine, all held in a soft buttery naan. Instead what I got was a shitty, dried up cracker with room temperature chicken strips and lettuce. There was absolutely no spice, no seasoning, no flavor. It was so bland that I had to open it up and salt and pepper it. The flat bread was like a bad lavash that completely disintegrated when I tried to eat the sandwich ala an old Ortega Taco shell. My salad was floating in dressing again. My wife's St. Helena was a little better than the last time, but the chips tasted like they were fried in oil they'd been using since we were in last.


The best part of this second experience was that we were the only people in the restaurant for quite some time, except for a couple of guys that we know to be the owners. They didn't know that we knew, but we did. As we sat and ate these two walked around the cafe and talked to each other periodically, moved a table here or there but were definitely not busy. They were however too busy to bother to ASK THE ONLY DINERS IN THE PLACE HOW THE FOOD WAS or even say hello. Very disappointing. But the stupidest thing I have ever experienced in a cafe was when one of these dipshits took the idiot that couldn't figure out the POS when we ordered and started showing her how to fold cloth napkins AT THE TABLE RIGHT NEXT TO US. There are probably 25-30 tables in this place but the only one they could use was the little two top next to us and all the while he never looked over and asked how we were doing, ever. Total Asshole.

We did coffee again but it was the same shit they served last time, so I won't bore you with the details. The only remarkable part of the coffee this time was that it took nearly 15 minutes for the girl behind the machine to make a vanilla latte and when she handed it to me she gave a half hearted "sorry". I wasn't sure if she was sorry for the wait or for how bad the latte was.


Now again the place is new, but come on. This Ralph Pfremmer guy is supposed to be some kind of big foodie but his cafe is crap. I give it 6 months, 9 tops, unless Mr. Pfood has enough cash to pump into it and keep it open. In that case I'll give it a year, unless they (he) gets with the program.


-The Chief

Shit that Doesn't Work Like Its Supposed To

I have no doubt that everyone that reads this can relate to this particular post. You may not get my irritation over the anti-cellphone-use-while-driving movement or Angry Brady's complaint about joggers, but who has not felt their body temperature rise to near solar levels after spending hours dicking with some bit of software or piece of electronics or "build it yourself" desk that does not work like its supposed to.

Over the years I have thrown my weed-eater into the street after jerking the goddamn pull rope for twenty minute; screamed at a drawer slide that would not slide and nearly killed myself trying to get a surround system to make a fucking peep. So I know that there are things out there that refuse to work.


The past couple of days I have spent hours trying to get our blogs to show the comments you may leave directly under the posts on the main page. I have Googled every iteration of "comments on main page blogger" that I can come up with. I have spent the last 3 hours fucking with this, using every recommended hack that blogger users have posted, even the ones that the "expert" users have suggested and I'm sorry but IT WILL NOT FUCKING WORK!!!! (I need the double caps key again).


My question is, why does it seem that some things just will not work like their supposed to? Why are there so many things that claim to do X but never will no matter what hoop you jump through. Do you have a Tivo? Have you ever set up a Season Pass that periodically doesn't record the stupid show you so desperately need to see? Why does it do that? Is it some kind of bullshit joke that the Tivo-Assholes Easter-egg into the Tivo interface or is it gods way of telling you to get off the couch? How about those apple corer pealer slicer things? Only maybe 1 in 5 apples actually comes out pealed and sliced and not a sticky nasty pile of apple shit. How about universal remotes controls? I have at least twice in the last 5 years tried to program a universal remote to control a TV or DVD player that was definitely made in the last 5 years and no matter how many codes I entered the goddamn things would not work. It's as if the TV didn't exist or was built with a remote code that no one knows. Or course it's always the one that I own and when I call the remote people they just don't know what to tell me. They'll ask, are you sure its a Panasonic, as if I can't fucking read.


It's generally accepted that humans naturally attach human characteristics to inanimate object; for example asking the DVD player why it won't spit out the disc and on some level truely expecting it to respond "because I don't feel like it fucker!" So I suggest that when you are arguing with your computer, with Micro$oft Word or with your garage door opener remote ask it "Why are you fucking with me?" and see if you get don't get that same blank stare that you get from the idiot that forgot to give you your straw at the drive-thru. Because it IS thinking, believe it!


Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work


With all due respect,
The Chief

Al Sharpton - Cartoon Hater

While the smoke still floated from Sean Delonas' pen I doubt he thought that he had created such a controversial illustration. I also doubt that when the Washington Post ran the cartoon, they really thought that people would draw the conclusion that the chimp was our president. I also doubt that people equate black people with chimpanzees, or if they do, I doubt that anyone takes them seriously.

But there was one guy who drew these conclusions for us and threw his hands into the sky and thanked Jesus for another opportunity to grab TV time and get his bad afro-mullet ass in the papers, AL SHARPTON.

So we here at WeAreAssholes.com want to invite you Reverend Sharpton to join the other celebrity assholes at the biggest rally of them all, the AMERICA THINKS YOUR ARE FUCKING RETARDED march. Its happening right now as we consider the ridiculousness of your position on this cartoon, how by throwing a big shit-fit over it that you just confirm a dangerous stereotype that I am sure you wish would die, you know the one; the ALL RELIGIOUS LEADERS ARE FULL OF SHIT stereotype. Thanks though, every little bit of confirmation helps the cause.

By the way did it ever occur to you and the other douche bags that you gathered in New York and had sign a petition to demand advertisers stop using the Post that you are jeopardizing the jobs of 2600 people during one of the worst economies in 30 years? Probably not, because since you live off the tit of the stupid; the money you steal from the idiots in your flock, prevents you from directly experiencing the fear of job loss.

At any point in your screaming and yelling over the cartoon did you think that you are preventing all of us from forgetting and moving on from racism, segregation and stereotypes? Probably not because that would mean that you actually think ahead and that you are capable of giving a damn about people over your need for TV time.

Al Sharpton EAT SHIT!

With All Due Respect,
The Chief

Craigslist Spoiled

Craigslist...A once good thing spoiled!

As I'm sure many of you do; I too peruse Craigslist. Sometimes, I may be looking for that one special garage sale where I just know I'll get the .25 a piece copies of OUI, 80's hairy bushes and all. Or maybe I might want to sell my 1985 Cutlass Supreme with the 60% tinted glass, the rad Craigers, and the 5 1/2"chrome chain steering wheel. Or, quite possibly find a job.

AHHH! But alas! My once eager pleasure of getting home from my shit-box of a job, and sitting down to see what deals can be had, or what new connections could be made, have been dashed to pieces, like the Merrill-Lynch Bull in the fine china shop (well I guess the bull was never shown smashing anything, but you know what happened after those camera's were turned off!!).
In the last couple of months there has been some talk of UNDER-EMPLOYMENT going around the nation; me dost think!

Being in a state of general dissatisfaction ("general" being a rather light description, more like about ready to behead those around me with a 30 megaton hydrogen bomb) with my present job environment; I decided I would start looking on my once favorite website.

I am so fed up with the Spamming assed cock jockey's, promising get rich from my computer, while you shoot up too!!! Or 'Skilled Trades Person' needed, must have 745,368,254,900 years experience, every tool known to man including Gemini 6, be a TEAM player, submit to a follicle sample, a piss test, a D.N.A. test , a Stanford-Binet test, and produce a small alien society from the depths of your anal cavity. (Zat enough ,,,,,,,,,,,,'s yet Darth?) All for the low,low price of barely a pot for you and your wife and offspring, to barely piss in!!!! Oh and no insurance included. Better prove I'm not an illegal alien too....

FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK OFF, AND WHILE YOUR AT IT, GO FUCK NOT ONLY YOURSELF BUT YOUR WHOLE GODDAMN LINEAGE TOO!!!

---Just saw this one tonight! " Wanted: EXPERIENCED PHLEBOTOMIST preferably an LPN or RN. $12.00. First off, JACKOFF, damn well better be experienced!! Secondly--- awe, FUCK! Need I go further?!

This is but merely a slice of the veritable plethora of wonderful short-term careers that will stare you in the face and make you wish you could grab the cock-sucker who even had the gall to consider posting such rubbish, around their throat and throttle the ever-loving shit out of them.
Oh I forgot I probably have to have a PHD,MD,DDS,LPN,CNA, to do that! And they're prolly just phishing for my resume' and email address anyway.........
Prolly not even qualified to write this,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
ANGRY BRADY

Adventure at the Unemployment Office

So, before I start my crazy, astringent rant I think I'll lay out some foundation with an observation I made today.

Being the only unemployed Asshole on the site I should be using my not-so-unique status to offer up a perspective of what it is like to visit the local Unemployment Office.

I was in the area of Arnold this afternoon and stopped by to get some paperwork signed at the local "Career Center." First of all, before I even get out of the car, I notice the shitbombs parked everywhere and make sure to park my BMW far away to keep it safe from some inconsiderate jackoff dinging it with his multi-toned '87 Corolla door. Before you say it, yes, a BMW. What else would an Asshole be driving?

I walk past an old Toyota truck (color: primer) and notice that there is a flat tire on it with a cretin in the passenger side futiley applying makeup. I wave to her and let her know that she has a flat and she responds with a snotty "yeah, I know." I continue into the office, not bothering to offer the air pump that's in my trunk.

On my way in I'm assaulted by the stink of all the smokers standing outside sucking away.

While in the office, the stench greets me with the people standing in line at the help desk. Of course, it being winter the stink is worse than normal because everyone's jackets are saturated with smoke funk.

Christ! Are they handing out cigarettes as you walk in? Did I miss it?

Last time I checked everyone here does not have a job.

Let's get money from the government to assist us with our drug habit.

Now, before you ask, I have been tightening the belt since I was a victim of budget cuts. Anything that would normally be considered recreational has been put on hold.

But would a smoker ever say to themselves, "Well, times are tough. I better cut back on the cancer-sticks so my kids can eat."?

No. Not going to happen.

Let's do the math, a pack of cigarettes costs average $4.00, if they smoke a pack a day that can add up to $28 a week. About $1500.00 a year. Staggering. Of course, you're going to hear the typical Ultra-Logic defense from smokers, "Ya gotta die of something."

All I gotta say to that is hurry the fuck up.

Ok. So, I continue in and need help with some paperwork that a representative needs to sign. Not one person is willing to sign their name to verify that I am unemployed even though they just verified it on the computer. So, they give me a printout to prove my status. Hopefully this will be acceptable documentation.

Did I mention who was working at the help desk?

It was none other than Mimi from the Drew Carey Show and Mr. Rooney's Secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. But she wasn't playing the ditzy lady in that movie. She was playing her role in Planes, Trains and Automobiles as the Car Rental Lady. Of course, I was much nicer than Steve Martin.

That's my adventure at the Arnold office. If I'm still unemployed in 4 weeks I'll have to journey to other offices to see what they have to offer. Perhaps the one in North County. What a hoot that will be. I better step up my interviewing skills.

-Darth Taco

Not Quite an Invite - Kissing Cooking

Ok this may not be specifically an invitation to a celeb, but we have to admit it's right in there. Tell us what you think about this email we received this week.

Dear WeAreAssholes,

This will probably be my one and only visit to your site, though I suspect my younger siblings will enjoy it. Anyway, I’m a cook at a restaurant that’s not in Hollywood proper, but just outside the city limits. Let’s put it this way, it’s close enough that celebs frequent our eclectic bistro fairly regularly. While I know it’s against all basic rules of good conduct (and probably health code violations too), you’re site seemed the right place to spell out one of my questionable activities.

If I know I’m cooking for a celeb at a particular table, and only those celebs that are of particular beauty, I will do something like the following:
If Jolie were to order a Mediterranean Wrap for example, I’d likely touch my lips, just briefly to the tortilla, with the thought that my lips will basically be touching hers in a matter of moments. The excitement that brings to me is incredible. While I can’t watch the patron from my position in the kitchen, just imagining the action is good enough for me. Maybe I should say right here that I’ve never taken a leak into someone’s soup (as Pitt did in Fight Club), nor anything else that would involve a bodily fluid. But lip-touching the various orders of the super-chic is exhilarating to me.

-The Kissing Cook

Hang Up and Drive? No, Fuck Off and Get Out of My Way!

See the sticker, now look carefully in the side view mirror. Yes, he's on the phone. These stickers and all their variations really piss me off.

I understand and have observed that there are people that can't talk on their cell phone and properly drive their cars. As a matter of fact I had an idiot this morning driving with her passenger side tires in my lane down McCausland and almost run me into a construction barricade because she was too distracted by her conversation to control her car. And yes, I honked at her and called her a fucking idiot, and yes she continued to drive like that after I passed her. The thing you have to remember though is that she probably also can't talk to a passenger and drive or brush her teeth and look in the mirror without becoming confused.

What we need is a driver's licensing system that takes into account intelligence and your ability to multi-task. These fuckers that run off the road trying to dial would probably be handed a bus pass instead of a driver's license if I wrote the tests.

Face it, most people are too stupid to be allowed to drive; and yet they are also allowed to breed, but that's another post for another day.

Driving and talking on a cell phone, particularly with a headset, is no different than talking to someone in the passenger seat, UNLESS YOUR A SIMPLETON! Talking on your phone and driving should be a lot easier than driving and trying to smack your smartass little brat in the backseat or trying to find your lighter or getting a blow job; all of which I have personally witnessed in the last week.

What I didn't see though was a "Stop Getting Your Dick Sucked and Drive" bumper sticker, but before you get any ideas I've already order them.

The other thing that I notice is that these stickers are almost always on the back of a vehicle, usually a pickup truck, driven by someone that probably doesn't have the intellectual capacity to operate a cell phone or the money to buy one. And the stickers are frequently on the same side of the bumper as their Jesus fish thing and their Cowboy Up sticker.

Sure, texting while you're driving or trying to dig someone's phone number out of your address book while you're driving is stupid but, talking and driving should not be an issue. As a matter of fact, let me tell you dick-sniffers that bitch about cell phones and driving something; the next time you look over to see me talking on the phone and start yelling for me to hang up remember IF YOUR LOOKING AT ME YOUR NOT LOOKING WHERE YOU ARE GOING! SUCK IT ASSHOLE!

-The Chief

Microsoft Steals Another Idea from Apple

but will fuck it up too!



"Hey Kids, Welcome to MicrosoftlandstoreiWindblowsExperiencePlace! I'm Clippy and I'll show you around. Come on!

Over here we have one of my favorites, the Zune. Its like that other MP3 player, you know the one, but its way better because it can play all your favorites, well except not at the end of the year or if the stuff you want to listen to is in that old WMA format or if your trying to use it with Windows...

Speaking of Windows, have you guys seen Vista? Its great and it protects you from running anything that could mess up your computer, like Word or Outlook or Firefox. Really secure and its stays secure with hourly updates..."

Yep the have announced they're going to open a store. A Microsoft retail outlet. Just like Apple. And they're going to use a Walmart guy to shove it down your throat. Apparently Microsoft hasnt noticed that people aren't buying stuff these days.

But lets say for arguments sake that this is a good idea, that Microsoft can follow in Apples footstep to the retail store market. Do you think they will also have a Genius Bar, or will they call it a Genius Center or a Jenius Bar or better yet a eGenius eBar? Do you think they will have a area where the youngest Windows users can play games and surf the net and have their machines lock up and loose all their data too? Do you think they will have people that carry mini purchase terminals where they can help you make your purchase, swipe your credit card and then allow some hole in Windows 7 beta to leak your credit card number to the Iranian mofia? Will the Microsoft store be bold enough to have Zunes with headphones attached playing all the DMA free music that you can't actually buy and keep from the Zune Marketplace or will it be playing high quality FM radio?

Can someone explain to me why the rest of the world puts up with Microsoft and their shit products and completely blantant theft of every idea any one of their competitors comes up with? Why are you reading this on a computer that you have had to reboot at least twice since you started reading and why do you insist that buying a PC is more ecomonical as you pay for the third update for the registry cleaner, ant-spyware and disc defragger as well as the new video card that you had to have because your old one wasn't compatible with that last "security update"?

Anyone, anyone? Cue the crickets, Eugene!
-the Chief

I'll have sommore credit please!

I have to convey another story, which happened today, that makes me want to fucking spew brain-matter asunder.

I received a credit card offer from Amerikan Xpress, AHHHHHH! the supposed Holy Grail of C/C companies.In it they informed me that because of my excellent credit score; I would be shat upon with their glory!!

Here's what they had to offer: 1 year free membership(valued at 95 smackers). A detailed summary at the end of the year(for my taxing pleasure). 10,000 bonus points; for what I have no Goddamn clue.

And here's the piece de' resistance!!....... UP TO 5 EXTRA CARDS TO GIVE TO MY 'FRIENDS' SO THEY CAN HELP ME EARN BONUS POINTS MORE QUICKLY!!!!!!!!

Now, I mind the reader, that I have a 758 credit score (what ever the fuck that means nowaday's). Which is neither here nor there really.

The 2 things that get my goat like a good bar of soap up the ass in prison, are: 1. Do they really think people are that fucking dumb? Oh wait they really are that dumb, never mind.

The 1 thing that makes me want to squeeze Wall Street's neck until the hypo-campus squirts out their fucking pores is, and this is really just a continuation of my last rage-fest, WE JUST GOT THROUGH GIVING THESE RETARDS TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF 'SOCIALISM'.
And they want to help me and you, dear reader, dig our way to fucking Hell a little quicker!!!!

What the fuck is wrong here?! Are there any sane people left (whatever that is)?

EAT SHIT, FUCK-TARDS!! GODDAMMIT! I WISH I HAD AN UPPER-CASE, UPPER-CASE KEY TO EXPRESS THE TOTAL STUPIDITY OF THIS WHOLE THING!!!!

I'm done-----for now.
-Angry Brady

Political Phallus-waving Contests

I wanted to convey my complete disdain for the assholery that is prevalent in America today!
Well, now we have a new CEO running our mass fuckeditude of a country! Will anything change?! Hell no! If anyone thinks we'll any better off or any more secure; well, you a
fucking self-deluded douche bag!
While I'll admit, the last 8 years were like the Dark Ages; hell! I'll go a step further, the Goddamn Pre- Cambrian
Era; there will be no REAL change!
These ASSHOLE politicians don't have your best interest in mind!
It's all about POWER and getting more of it for themselves!
All told we stand at, what, half our GDP in 'bailout welfare' for a bunch of greedy, self-important crooks; who should be roasted slowly over a spit, at the very least.
And now these dickhead politicians are going to have a phallus-waving contest over another 'stimulus' package that you and I are going to pay for! For generations!
I'm not going to even get into universal health care or college that could be affordable with this money we're pissing down a rat hole.
THAT WOULD BE SOCIALISM!!!
I'm sorry, am I dumb as a twisted stump? Isn't that what we just did with the last 50 warehouses full of cash we just shat out?!?!
PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES AND MORONS!
Fini!
-Angry Brady

Christian Bale- We Invite You

Christian Bale,

We hereby invite you to be our Celebrity Asshole of the Month!

All we ask is for a few key words on the topic of your choice. We have absolutely no lights that could distract our attention away from you, and we’re far too lazy to go strolling around in your business. Tell us how you transitioned so nicely for example, from your once-nominated TV role in A Murder of Quality, to your extraordinary voice work in Pocahontas. We keep telling people you’re so much more than Bruce Wayne, but as you know too well, the assholes here in America just don’t listen. They are content holding their superheroes in a god-like regard (which is so unfair to the larger complexities of split personalities like yourself).

http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_audio/020209_christianbale.mp3

Join us please, if only for a few moments.
-Champagne

Street Joggers

One of our faithful sent us this complaint via email.

Everyday that I go to work, I have to drive through Webster Groves and Kirkwood, and there are all of these motherfuckers out jogging!
While one may say 'so what?!'
These self-important pricks jog; in the
dark, on the street!! To top it off they look at me as though I am some how I am moving in on their territory!
Get on the sidewalk fuck heads!!!
ASSHOLES!

BB

We have to agree. The street is for cars, eat shit cyclist but you and the goddamn joggers are just in the way. It would be different if you would get over or stay off the street during the peak drive time or it you paid some kind of tax to be in our way or if you ever got ticketed for running stop signs. I can't imagine the thought process; (read this is a dumb-fuck voice, like Homer Simpson) "I love to jog...Look at all those cars, that looks like a good place to jog...that way I won't be lonely...everyone is so friendly to joggers...they always honk and wave when they go by..." Retards!

Cocksucker

Cocksucker

Noun	1.	cocksucker - a person who performs fellatio sensualist - a person who enjoys sensuality
	2.	cocksucker - insulting terms of address for people who are stupid or irritating or ridiculous asshole, bastard, dickhead, mother fucker, motherfucker, prick, son of a bitch, whoreson, SOB, shit dirty word, vulgarism, obscenity, smut, filth - an offensive or indecent word or phrase disagreeable person, unpleasant person - a person who is not pleasant or agreeable

An interesting observation can be made about the word cocksucker in that it is a vulgarity almost exclusively used by men. The first above-given definition is rarely the one intended and personally I have never heard anyone use the word "sensualist". Sounds kind of faggy.

IMHO it is the harshest expletive used to describe a man. For one thing, the way it sounds is offensive. Its actual utterance is rude and the way it wonderfully blends two words already considered profane in many situations, really makes this a special word. Cock, not something your say in front of grandma unless she is Blue Iris and sucker just connotes something lewd.

The great thing about cocksucker is that it can be used in many situation and is always offputting and by simply changing the inflection, the location of the verbal accentuation, you can completely change the affect. For example, "That COCKsucker just screwed me out of $50." is completely different from "cock-SUCKER that hurt!". The former referring directly to someone who you believe may actually put someone else's penis in their mouth and the latter being a more general expletive that is analogous to fuck or goddamn. However in the second instance there is some debate whether or not the cocksucker is actually Mother Nature, the world at large or the supreme being himself.

A parallel use of cocksucker is to tell someone, usually during a road rage episode, to suck your cock or dick. An obvious use of the word in agreement with the first definition. The affect here is to imply that the person you refer to would either enjoy giving you fellatio or could be forced to give you fellatio as some kind of punishment. In either case, it is assumed that the person would later realize that giving you fellatio would in some way negatively impact the fellator.

As a person note, I have on many occations called someone that has offended me while driving a cocksucker. On one such occasion, after issuing this reference, my wife said, "I suck your cock. Is that such a bad thing?", to wit I replied, "Well no. Ah, Shit now I have to think of something else to call that asshole!"