Review: Apocalypse Culture II

Angry Brady's Book Review Corner: Come have a seat children!!

Well, I couldn't sleep! My bottom front teeth are hurting. The result of a dental procedure I'm in the process of. Long story, maybe I'll tell it sometime. So... I decided to review a book out of my home library; for your reading pleasure, or not! It makes me no difference. This shit just keeps the gerbil that runs that little wheel in my head, from driving me certifiably bat-shit!

On with the review! Apocalypse Culture II is the sequel to, obviously, Apocalypse Culture, which I may review at a latter date. Edited by Adam Parfrey and published by Feral House ('cause you like nice things'. My insertion there. Not the publishers.) As a side, Feral House is a damn ballsy, and excellent publisher! If we had more publishers in this society like them, we might not be in the sad shape we're in! Of course we might not BE! Check out some of their other titles if you dare...BWWAAHAHAHAHA!

Apocalypse Culture II is a compendium of Paranoids, Alternative Thinkers, Satirists, Writers, Artists, Psychotics, and Killers. The book is definitely NOT for the faint of heart,or that have delicate, morning dew on a Fall Pansy, sort of constitutions. Some of the articles are written by the likes of, Boyd Rice, Crispin Hellion Glover (yes McFly!), George Petrose, Charles Darwin, and Ted Kaczynski, just to name a few! 'Who the fuck are they?!', you say. Well, if your asking yourself this, and have managed to read this far....STOP!... and move along to the FaceBook profile you were trying to find, or to the Betty Crocker Institute of Cooking with Lard, or whatever the hell you were trying to waste you time doing! If not.... Read on.

One of the most interesting stories to me was,The Strange Crime of Issei Sagawa. It is the factual story of a Japanese man, living in Paris, who befriends a female and eventually kills and eats some of her flesh and organs. Which is, of course, for our T.V. Babies, nothing new. What IS interesting is, how big a celebrity he became! Not only in Japan, but in European countries as well! This after a stint in mental institutions,jails,etc. He then began writing very strange poetry, and the story evolves from there.

Another article that was quite an eye-opener was, The Late, Great Asthetic Taboos. This talks about how we Americans, love to talk about our freedom of Press and lack of censorship with one side of our mouths, then scream about indecency and lack of personal responsibility with the other. Basically it's only okay with us, as long as it doesn't offend our Puritanical leanings. It pushes the envelope of moral standards and belief structures. Interesting though.

The story entitled, Real Doll, (this one's right up 'America's addiction to sex' alley), is about the cottage industry of producing 'life-like sex dolls'. Some of these baby's go for upwards of  $5000 to $7000 dollars a pop (pun intended)! They are made of silicone and prosthetic skeletal structures. Some even come with voice chips and real human hair, in all the right places, wink-wink, nod-nod.

Lastly, the read entilted, Hi-Tech Market Research, is a veritable plethora of information on how 'Big Business' uses psychology, sociology, body language (in the form of EKG, EEG, Galvanic Skin Response, and EMG's), studied in controlled clinical environments. All to better 'understand' what you, the consumer, wants! And if you happen to not want it, well, you will soon enough! Some of it is a dry clinical read, but well worth the effort. It's a who's- who of big name companies you know and love, that are analyzed, their secret's divulged, by some of their very own. A must read, if you believe you are any kind of a thinking person, and may not  yet feel you are in the full clutches of, what I like to call Psycho-Consumerism. Or possibly you are feeling the tinges of that biggest of Consumerist diseases/lies called, BUY ENOUGH SHIT TO FILL THAT BIG HOLE  INSIDE-ITTIS! No matter how much you wish it away, spend it away, waste it away! You know what I'm talking about? Like when you start getting all AMPED when you're about to purchase that new Rube Goldberg Machine. The one that washes your clothes, while it orders your dinner, and allows you to watch "Those Dallas Cowboy's on your T.V." all at the same time!! Then once you get it home, as the days and months go by, the love affair wanes, kinda like that $8000 BowFlex you just knew that if you had, you too would be as buff as the young Aryan stud on the info-mercial using it was! To quote Jello once again, "It never happened, did it?"

My summation, if your not too enamored with the latest Dean Koontz thriller, or busy reading the latest Danielle Steel soft-core porn; It would behoove you to find this book and put it in your brain! Of course, ignorance IS bliss! Besides, you may be too busy even to be reading anything of consequence, 'cause you're too caught up in who might be the best dancer on  "Dancing with the Schmaltz", or possibly extremely concerned about which Tribesman gets kicked off the Island next. Or possibly, you may be waiting with bated-breath, with heart palpitations even, for news or views of the next Eninenima/Poop Daddy  bling-fest to stare at! Ah!! The shit that keeps the North American continent afloat. I understand. Thinking is better left to those that can handle it.

Latters!!!

Rappers and Hip-Hop Celebrities Suck!

So I'm watching the tube tonight and I'm assaulted by the stupidity and lack of talent by Flo-Ri-Duh on American Idol. What a terrible performance. The dorkiest of contestants have more talent than this poser.

First off, for those of you who are already dismissing my opinion because you think rap is cool, fuck off. I know I'm not cool. I watch American Idol, collect Star Wars shit, play D&D and blog about shit that doesn't matter. Also, thinking your cool is the first sign that you are not.

But I digress. So Flo-Ri-Duh sounded terrible. He had to have some chick sing every other verse and he had to have the typical posse guy on stage backing his ass up with the "lyrics" and the usual "yeah" "yeah". Tripe.

Wake up America. Why do you eat this up?

Holy shit. Why hasn't this crap ran its course yet? I remember in the 80's when this shit started emerging thinking to myself "10 years, it'll be gone and people will come to their senses. Like disco." Then Hip Hop  creeps in its ugly head...fuck. I hate that most of that shit too.

Here it is 20 years later and the fucking shit is thriving.

Damn it. I hate being wrong.

So back to the ever-talented Flo-Ri-Duh. Stay in the studio mother fucker. Stay where they can remix and filter your ass. While your at, why don't you find some other songs from 20 years ago and put your own magic touch to it. So many of these dickheads like raping the '80s and early '90s of their music. I hope the guys from Dead or Alive are getting paid for you taking their song and bastardizing it. While we're at it I wish they would come up with their own material (better yet, no material). This means you P-Douchey. Sure Sting was cool about raping "Roxanne". That doesn't make it alright. Sting, you dumb-fuck.



Don't even get me started on that "genius" Kanye West. I wish the judges on Idol were present during that guys performance a month a so ago. Yet again, Terrible. Did anyone notice that they got rid of the judges during his performance? They don't do that for everyone. Kanye probably didn't want America to see Simon wincing at the performance. It should be mandatory for every guest performer to go through the judges' critiquing when they appear.

Wake up America! Quit buying this bullshit. Don't give them any more money. I don't want to see another one of these no-talent fucks on another episode of Cribs. What I DO want to see is "Cribs: Where are they now?" It will be an episode showing all of the rappers and hip-hoppers who once flaunted their wealth and material possessions slumming it out in their mom's basement (because they don't know their daddy's, yeah, I said it).

Let them all go the way of MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice!

Peanut Allergies, Where the Hell did this Come From?

I'm almost 40, so I've been around for awhile. Long enough to know that we used to get a lot more snow in St. Louis, we used to more than one video store to rent from, we Used to think that pot was not as bad as cigarettes, we USED to think that fucking monkeys created AIDS and we USED to be able to EAT GODDAMN PEANUTS AT SCHOOL!

I had never in my life ever met someone that was allergic to peanuts until about 5 years ago, when some kid at my son's elementary school was red-flagged as allergic. Then holy shit, ever fucking kid you came across was allergic. Or had a religious conflict with walnuts or was intimidated by cashews. Its completely new and no one seems to find that strange? Its so bad that now, elementary school kids have "peanut free tables" in the cafeteria and if you bring a peanut butter and banana sandwich to school in honor of the King's birthday, everyone acts like you brought a bucket full of Ebola. Right now I think there are 2 kids in my daughters grade level and the whole group of little snots has to have boring shit like white bread and saltines for their parties for fear that some food may have been in contact with a nut.

Not to say that I don't feel for a kid whose throat swells shut after seeing a Payday, but Good Grief already, does the whole fucking world revolve around one kid? And for that matter is funny how 5 years ago there was 1 kid in the whole school and now there are at least 2 in each and every classroom.

I think I smell bullshit.

Could it be that there are just a few legitimate cases of nut allergies but since the world is fully of ninnies, especially the over zealous bitches raising kids in west St. Louis County, that a nut "allergy" is just a new way to make your kid different, to be able to exert some power over the school and the other kids? Or is it hysterical mothers and their need to over-protect until the kid is 25 and carries a blankie?

I know I smell bullshit!

I just don't buy it that all of a sudden, in 1998 the whole fucking world became simultaneously allergic to a food that has, for the better part of two centuries, been a mainstay in the American diet.

Bullshit.

Unless...unless there is something else that is causing the peanut to be an allergen. Like...like all the fucking chemicals in our food, or all the fucking antibiotics that parents have their kids on because they get snotty noses. Our entire society is addicted to antibiotics. Hey Nancy Nursemaid, have you ever heard of letting the kids cold run its course? Maybe its because the Chinese have put something in the toys that the kids play with to make them hyper-allergic, or the Muslims are spraying shit out of the airplanes in the sky or maybe...maybe...

Maybe its Aliens.

Do you smell Bullshit?

The Chief

Osbournes Reloaded? - Load of Shit You Mean

Did anyone see this? I think I may be one of the only people that actually Tivoed this travesty. It was 12 minutes of really bad teleprompter reading by the Osbourne family and 28 minutes of buffers and theme songs replays and recaps. All the usually buffoons were there, the fat son, the fat daughter, the Sharron monster and Ozzy, who didn't seem to be as doddering as he has, but still moves like an 80 year old man.

The show is essentially supposed to be a audience participation program wherein they put douche bags up to ridiculous tasks and situations. Out of the box, Sharron has Kelly go out into the crowd and find "the hottest guy she can find" who turns out to be some Chicano dude named Juan Carlos who could stand to lose 25 pounds and get a toupee. She then asks Kelly to find him a kissing partner to wit Kelly asks male or female in an attempt at seeming outrageous. Juan Carlos wants a girl and Kelly find a half-way decent looking 20-something as his victim. They are blindfolded and told to kiss for 15 seconds, which was both gross and hard to watch. After the 15 seconds they are told to do it again but for 30 seconds and as the blindfolded couple goes to kiss, you guessed it, they change the young girl for someones grandma. It was neither clever or funny, just nasty. He figures it out right away, he pretends to be into it for a second, but then asks "what the fuck it this". Its all very awkward and unfunny.

Their next bit is to trick a guy that was "randomly selected" from the audience into marrying his desperate girlfriend who has set the whole thing up. He's a fucking fat, bald dork and she is totally pathetic. They whisk them off to the contemplation room where he pretends to mull it over, while she cries in anticipation. Really, REEEEAALLY stupid. At the end of the show, they get married and everything is wonderful. What a fucking mess. They have some stupid band playing White Wedding to make it seem all rock and shit, but again it comes off dumb.

There is a bit where Kelly and Ozzy go to work at a fast food drive-thru. Ozzy can't hear the orders and Kelly cusses everyone then Ozzy throws food at people. Very dumb.

At the end of the show Ozzy sprays the front rows with some kind of foam out of a fire hose. I can tell you right now if some cocksucker soaked me in shit I'd jump that stage and shove the fucking hose down his throat. I can't believe that anyone would put up this that, even if they were told that they might get shit on them. He completely drowned this one chick and her boyfriend. Uh, I would have fucking killed him and the producer.

All in all the show was bad. It was amateurish at best and looked like it was directed and produced by high school kids. I think my son's high school theater group does a better job and their jokes and gags are actually funny.

There is little chance that I'll waste my time with this again, but if you do let me know. I'm curious if anyone else finds this entertaining. The Osbournes need to go back to what they do best, cussing, letting dogs shit all over their house and drugs.

With all due respect,

The Chief

Television's Digital Conversion a Sucksess?!

So, after a week or so of  infrequently, and I do mean infrequently, viewing a television with the RAD new digital signal, I have to say how completely underwhelmed I am! I've never really been a big fan of television. Even my earliest memories are of the nice little 13" job my parents got, which my step-father, almost immediately de-soldered all of the channels on the manual channel changer, so we only received PBS. (For all you young pups out there, YES! One had to get up off one's ass to change the channel!). My step-father was an electrician by trade, and pretty intelligent at that! He also made it possible to turn the volume up and down, in addition to being able to turn the sound off completely with the use of a 1/4"  jack, some cable and what looked like to me some odds and ends from his shop. This, of course, made it very difficult to stare at the One-Eyed-BrainSucker for hours on end, and not get fucking bored as Hell! I used to complain about it, not having a big t.v., not having cable, not having a remote, etc. I believe today, WHOLE-HEARTEDLY, that my parents did me a big favor by doing these things! I probably ought to tell them both that one of these days.

Anyway, enough about that you say! Get to the point! Fair enough. So, the little experience I have had with the digital switch, makes me scratch my head until I reach brain matter! Weird audio glitches, out of sync audio, digitized blocking of the picture, tearing, stretched oblong pictures, (I'm assuming due to the program not being made for high Def), I mean the list could go on and on! WHAT IS ALL THIS SHIT ABOUT? Was this really necessary?! What was wrong with good 'ole analogue? I know, I know... You may be saying to yourself, " Brady must be a fucking Luddite! " No! I like technology as much as the next cyborg! My problem with this television switch stems from a much deeper root. I shall explain.....

In the early 80's, 1982 to be exact; the compact disc was released to the mainstream public. With much fanfare, generated mostly by Sony. People were told of the level of sound quality of CD's. They were informed that one may never have to worry about loosing their music collection to age, being it that CD's would last for thousands of years! Well..... After 27 years on the general market, any audiophile worth their weight in vinyl, will tell you that CD's actually have piss poor quality! And those thousands of years? Ask any technophile about degradation of CD/DVD's information storage capabilities over the long haul!

Then came all of the new audio and video gadgets made to utilize all of this new media technology. Things like, solid state receivers instead of tubes, digital tuners for stereos, or how about the Laser Disc player? A fucking movie on a disc the size of an LP, but looks like a CD! The VHS or Betatmax war's. ( Sorta reminiscent of Blueray or HD DVD of today. ) Again, any audiophile will tell you, tubed is better that solid state! Of course nowadays, I think there's been research stating that younger listeners think older audio sources sound bad, because they've gotten used to the ultra compressed and ducked sound of mp3's!! And all of this for what we are told is the ability to have our audio and video in new and exciting, and BETTER ways. 

Does anyone really think this is the case? Do you even think about it? Do you even think? Or is this the tried and true 'Snake Oil' routine? I do know that technology has brought us some amazing and useful things. Hell, the computer I'm pecking away at right now is probably Goddamn reversed engineered alien technology! 'Cause I can hardly believe something so useful could have been devised by the likes of a highly polished equivalent of a used car salesman. Which is what the major electronics companies really are! I know, I'm guilty of hipocracy! Why is he bitching about all of this shit as he admits to watching a t.v. and using a computer? Yes, I even own an mp3 player... Well, I am a part of the society in which I dwell. And as most people, I am partially a product of the larger environment  in that I exist. This doesn't mean that I don't have a brain and, that part of my psyche doesn't scream at me, telling me to ask these questions! Large parts of me loathe the desire to acquire the newest, shiniest, dog turd on the block!

Still, this begs the question. What makes the digital so much better?! I just see glitches and poorer service. Or is it that the powers that be just want us to incrementally lower our standards in preparation for better assimilation into our McLive's, and not analyze things as diligently as we might, provided we really had choice in the matter at all.

Happy Krampus kiddies....   Angry Brady

Conficker Worm - What A Let Down

I am completely disgusted. I had really been holding high expectations for this little guy. I was really, truly expecting utter devastation, but no. Nothing. Not even a snail trail on the collective keyboards of the PC world. Shit.

If you watched the news at all this week, or the week before; or if you listened to the radio, or read the paper, you totally knew the CONFICKER was going to completely fucking destroy the computer world. You knew because they kept telling us over and over and over again. They warned about Conficker more than they warned us about borrowing more money on our houses then their actually worth, but I digress. It was so scary that media was telling us that we should not even turn our computers on on 4/1 unless we absolutely had to.

You have to love the irresponsibility of the American Media Machine. If only half of the countries' consumers didn't buy anything online because their computers were off, it would kill nearly $35,000,000 is business for one day. It would also prove to the fucking little, zit-faced, basement dwelling douche bags that create these fucking computer diseases, that they can wield some kind of pseudo-power over the rest of us. Well, you PC using zombies anyway.

Now when Micro$oft puts out a bounty on your head, you must be doing something right. Obviously they know more about what could have happened they anyone. The question we should all be asking is why the fuck we have to buy software to protect the software Microshaft sells us. Or better yet why do people still use Windows and why dont these people tighten up their shitty OS?

I know, because they are all idiots! Thats right. If you have to live in fear of some guy stealing your bank data or your porn collection that even your mom would have made fun of when you were in high school then YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

Conficker con-fucked you all. It made Norton, McAffy, Microsoft and the media look like a bunch of dip shits. I love it!

Nice work Apple. You got 'em right where you want 'em.

The Chief

Goggle Has Become The Devil

So, I'm driving home from work today minding my own damn business, when suddenly I receive a buzz from my hip. Well of course, this is where I keep my handy-dandy phone. I knew immediately this meant I got a text message. I'm thinking maybe it's the Chief texting me to see if I haven't burst one of my major arteries yet. Or possibly my lovely wife texting something sweet.... NOPE! I was quite surprised to see as follows: FRM:noreply@google.com MSG: http://www.google.com/intl/en ALL......etc,etc,etc. I'm thinking to myself, 'What The Fuck?!' Maybe it's some new and shiny toy that Google wants to offer me. The funny thing is, after reading all of the 100's of paragraphs of Google's 'Term's of  Use',(yes I'm also the kinda guy that gets off on reading Webster's Unabridged 1938 Edition Collegiate Dictionary), I dont recall seeing anything about them being able to arbitrarily send me shit through text! Of course I'm no lawyer. They seem to be able to interpret things that in plain english seem fairly straight forward, only to have one tell you, you just signed away your right's to own your own soul, and that your next born child will be taken from you to study the effect's of Gamma radiation on developing gonads! Well... I don't get immediately angry, 'NO WAY!' you say, 'Impossible...Brady not fucking crazy angry out of his mind, as always?' I do have my lucid moments. Anyway, I get home and decide to calmly look up some contact info on Google....:) turns to :0!!!! Have any of you ever tried looking for way's to REALLY solve a complaint with Google? It's a Labyrinthian, maniacal undertaking! Especially when one considers that I had already called their corporate office, and got this fucking ROBOT of  a Cant Understand Normal Thinking idiot! Every time  I ask a question, the decibel level goes up on the other end of the line and the pre-rehearsed  swill grows quicker and more terse. Eventually I had enough with 'it, them, her' and I hung up. At this point I was becoming quite perturbed. On with more research. F.A.Q.'s, posts,other websites, looking for the answer to my question. Why is Google sending me texts? And how do I opt the fuck out? No real satisfactory resolution to speak of. Except that I did e-mail them! Of course the very end of that form e-mail that I eventually came across; something to the effect of 'if we need more info we'll contact you'. Which to me means, Fuck off, don't call us,cause we may anally rape ya'! Of course I haven't even mentioned the obvious fact that, that text cost me money.

This all begs the question. How much of our personal lives do we give to Google, or any corporation for that matter, and still think we lead 'private lives'? Do any of you actually read the fucking shit you sign? Or, do you just trust that Uncle Google, Brother Microsuck, and Grandpap's Name Your Preferred Corporate Entity is looking out for you, and cares deeply for your feelings, will always lend a helping hand, be there when you grow old, pick you up when you fall, and basically be your best friend. Or more likely waiting around the corner, ready to beat the living fuck out of you and steal your wallet! Gee! Ain't  Capitalism great?! SELL YOUR SOUL AMERICA! Halliburton will probably give you your weight in dried peanut shell's for a glimpse into everything that makes you tick. Fuck getting your car wrapped with the latest Red Bull signage!!! Get your mind tattooed with their fucking company letter-head!! Fuck!! Even better! Have someone surgically imprint Google's logo into your retina! So you never, ever have to be alone again! Have Muzak installed into your aural pathways. 

The long and short of it is, these Goddamn corporate giants treat the average person as though we are flies!  WHAT'S IT GONNA BE???!!! Are you a fly?....... I thought so.

 

UPDATE! As it turns out, and this makes me angrier, Google's text was a link to their April Fools joke. Which in one sense could be funny, except the fact that I'm not the only stooge they pulled this on. The idea that Google considers itself an advertising company is definitely proved! I bet your saying ' lighten up Brady, It's April Fools.' Well did you get texted? If so, how do you feel having a joke played on you like this? How many others got the same text? Maybe they don't have a text plan, or possibly over their monthly limit! I'll bet the Telco companies LOVE their little joke, all the way to the bank! I'd rather have my .23 back.  And BTW, If you think I'm over-reacting.... Well send me .23 and we'll call it even....

What do you think?

 

Update 2: So I get this no respond email from Zeke (a Google employee) asking about some of the specifics of my problem. I think it's funny that Google can email me, but I can't use there own product to email them back. I have to log in to my account and go to the thread and respond! Anyway, he? (his avatar is displaying a dog!) tells me Google sends absolutely no unsolicited texts. In turn I send him the exact text sitting on my phone. This of course after several post exchanges asking if I did this and that, etc. He said he is working diligently with his team, trying to figure out this situation, blah, blah, blah. Well after the exchange yesterday...... NOTHING... I'll keep you posted.