Not Everyone Gives a Sh!T about the Superbowl

Listen, you might be excited that the Superbowl is this weekend; you might be stoked for the commercials; you might be excited to drink yourself into actually thinking you should be commentating instead of whatever that fat guy's name is; you might be making plans to take off on Monday because you already know you'll be hung over.

But not everyone gives a shit about the Superbowl.

In fact, a lot of people don't. Myself included.

I only like football when my team is winning and when I say my team I mean the team that plays out of my home city. I by no means clam the f*cking Rams, but unless they are winning, I don't give two rats asses about football. So since the Ram's aren't going to the Superbowl, I don't give a damn about it. Sorry.

There are many things about sports fans that I find both repugnant and fascinating like;
- feeling the need to memorize completely unimportant statistics about players, don't you have anything better to do with your time and brain? Its not like there is any major pay off to know all that bullsh!t anyway. The NFL is not likely to send you a check for knowing the average number of yards per reception that Ochocinco recorded last season versus the season before. All I've even seen this kind of brain-waste do is prevent you from remembering important stuff like your kids' birthdays or to renew your license plate.

- explaining why a play didn't work to the guys sitting next to you as you suck down you fifth beer. Wasn't he is watching the same TV you are. Are you sure you know what your talking about since your sitting on your ass watching the game and not out on the field couching it? Shut up already!

- swearing that the officials are against whatever team you are rooting for. What would be the point in screwing your guys up? The officials don't make your team do the stupid sh!t they do! They are just calling them on it. Besides what in it for them anyway? Do you think there's some kind of clandestine "how many bad calls can we get away with" pool or something?

I realize there is more to the Superbowl than the game. People keep telling me that they are going to watch it "for the commercials" or "for the half time show".

Whatever.

The commercials aren't a one time thing idiots. The advertisers don't spend that kind of money on a one shot deal. And if you really have to see the latest is brainwashing advertising, go to youtube and pull up the ads. The people that sit through the game just to see the commercials are likely the same idiots that stand in line outside of Walmart on Black Friday. They'll sit through anything, likely because they have nothing better to do.

I've watched my share of Superbowl half times. Actually a total of 3. They were all horrible. When they try to get to many people up on stage at one time it makes me nuts. Take the 2004 half time when Janet Jackson gave us the infamous nipple shot. There were like 20 people on the goddamn stage and I missed the tit. Completely and we were at some friend's house who didn't have a DVR so I complete missed it. And aside from Janet's tits, the rest of the show was a big cluster f*ck of performers all trying to figure out what they were doing.

Or take the following year with Prince. Prince? For the Superbowl? Seems like an odd choice to me, a 95 pound, long haired, high-pitched singing little dude up on stage performing for a bunch of what are assumed to be manly men since they watch football.

Nevermind the endless interruptions to tell you that the half time show is going to start, then they cut to a commercial and back to commentators then a commercial, then to a bumper that the show is going to star, then a commercial...

Sorry I just don't get it.

But if you do, great go have fun. Just don't tell me about it on Monday, because I don't care.

With all due respect,
The Chief