Smoking Bans? How about something a little stronger?

You may remember I little piece I did a few weeks ago called "Ever Notice - Smokers Are Retarded?" wherein I touch on a few of the idiotic behavioral nuances of the typical smoker. Thing like not smoking in their own house because it stinks the place up or not wanting to smoke while they eat. All things that smokers do to make the average non-smoker chuckle and the astute non-smoker write about them. As you might have guessed, I am not a smoker, never have been, never will be and I freely admit that if given the option of spending the evening in a smoky bar or at a funeral I'd opt for the casket duty.

This week the voters in St. Louis voted for a smoking ban in the St. Louis City and County. This ban prohibits smoking in business that do not generate the majority of their revenue from the sale of alcohol, so basically bars and casino get a pass. Not a problem for me because most bars and casinos are filled with idiots that can't hold their liquor or the money anyway so let 'em smoke up. They might as well put themselves out of my misery as quickly as possible.

The ban also does not go into effect until 2011 so we'll have to dodge these idiots at the front door of Target and Lowes for another year. This timeframe is something that I don't understand however, why wait? Are we trying to give all the smokers time to go out and smoke themselves silly at insert your favorite restaurant here?  Or is the local government hoping that they will all shut up and forget about it long enough to quietly expand it? I can only hope.

The one thing that this new law does which really strikes me as lame is it sets up a fine structure that just to me isn't adequately punitive. For the offense of smoking in a banned place you are fined $50. The owner or manager of then establishment that allowed you to smoke is fine $100 for the first offense, $200 for the second and $500 for the the third plus offenses.

$50? $100?

Thats ridiculous, especially when you consider smokers must have a lot of money, right? On average St. Louis County area smokers smoke 125 packs a year and at an average cost of $5 a pack, they spend $650 a year to poison themselves, so I figure hit them with a fine that they'll remember.

A nice round number like $500 would make them think twice before they light up again.

But I have an even better idea. I think we should relook at the whole ban and beef it up a bit. Instead of a ban on smoking in business and government places, how about a new hunting season for the Missouri Yellow Toothed Smoker. It could be a year long season and could incorporate bow as well as rifle subseasons. The county could issue licenses to hunters at a cost.

I mean lets be honest they're killing themselves anyway.

With all due respect,
The Chief