Misadventures in the Land of Simpletons

In an attempt at a possible ongoing series, I bring the reader some of

my experiences at my place of employment.

This particular story has to do with the Christmas preparations at

said employer, which are not only over the top, but understandibly

necessary for this particular place. What is not necessary are the

crazy and outright incompetent and dangerous levels to which some here

are willing to go to, just to celebrate their Lords birthday! I don't

know, maybe they want to visit with him sooner rather than later.

Because I'm mobile and don't have much time today, and of course I

don't want everyone to think Angry has " left the building " for good,

I give you this teaser to chew on for the day. See if you can guess

what dull-wittery is ocurring...

Until later... Peace.

Beati pacifici

More Misadventures Part 2:

So,  being at home now and being able to at least partially think and relax, I've decided to give you all a few more tidbits as to this Disaster in the Making...

Toes at the top of a 5ft. ladder are definitely NOT OSHA approved!





300-400lb manger scenes should most likely NOT be rested on a marble handrail, with merely a smidgeon of that scene being supported by said handrail. It's probably an even worse idea to have the rest of this potential, extremity crusher/ life ender sitting on a folding table that also happens to be around 3 inches shorter than the marble rail! And never a worse scenario be had when the very dim idea comes about to rest that behemoth on 2 small 2"x 6" pieces of well worn 2x4's, and some duct tape folded 4 times as a shim, as a finishing touch!!! :-0


All of this pales in comparison to the over-all placement, planning and stunning execution of this disaster in the making, ultimately of which, I regret to inform, I cannot show more pic's of, as it would reveal too many of those that I work with. This would of course set them up for understandable ridicule, and possibly serious thought by some, as to severing the passage of D.N.A. to the next generation, there-by pruning bloodlines for the benefit of millions to come!!

The entire process was not only quizzical for yours truly, but bafflingly ig-moronic! So much so that I laughed almost uncontrollably the entire time. Ever mindful was I, not to get too close or sneeze too hard! There were at least two trees, the highest and second highest, that were on tables too small for the feet to rest four feet squarely. The hyper-intelligent decision was made to shove a hammer handle under the two feet that hung off the very top tree, I assume trying to negate laws of physics and for sure laws pertaining to safety or concern for fellow biped's. I must say that this one, I absolutely could not let fly!!
The amount of numb-skullery that occurred that day could make an entire library of safety videos, and would take far too long to describe to go any further...

As you may now see, these are my dealings on a daily basis. This is why it MUST be recorded for posterity and will become a semi-regular feature from yours truly...
ANGRY brady

Christmas Lights - The Lame, The Tacky and The Just Plain Creepy

Last night my family and I drove around our general area to enjoy the local Christmas light displays. This is something that we do every year, at least a couple times, while typically eating some ice cream. Why ice cream and Christmas lights? I don't know, why not?

Most of our time is spent singing made up lyrics to the Christmas songs that are playing on the radio like "Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way, oh what pain it is to go with them left loose to sway-ay!", and making fun of people stupid inflatable shit.

Since my kids are pretty snarky like me, fun is had by all. Even though my wife doesn't make funny of anyone herself, she does appreciate our humor.

Our favorite display style to make fun of is those which contain more than one inflatable or animatronic. Usually people that have more than one of either have multiples of both, which creates a sort of creepy scifi Christmas at the droid factory / Christmas in the land of misfit toys look.

I know people put this shit in their yard to entertain their kids, but it does spread joy to guys like me as well. The joy of making fun of what a mockery they have turned Christmas into. Just how many semi-inflated snowmen and robotic Rudolfs do you need to get into Heaven anyway Jesus?

Most people put lights in their trees, around their bushes, their front doors, maybe down the drive way like some kind of fucking landing strip (which I totally don't get; probably the same people who as kids drew stick figures). Some folks do blinking lights and icicle lights on the house and eaves, but some people just have no taste.

At all.

Like the ass-wipe that puts five different colors of lights all over his yard then uses net lights on the bushes to get that whole "fish net Christmas" thing and finishes it off with the creepy three candles with the orange flames in the windows. You know the ones that they USED to sell in the 70's, that they must have either kept when their grandmother passed away or bought at a garage sale.

Or the people that run three strands of multi-colored lights around on goddamn straggly ass tree in their yard, in front of their 8,000 square foot three story. Come on douche, like you could afford another box of lights?

But aside from the tacky and creepy there are two displays that I totally want to get out and knock over. The first is the manger scene. I don't care that Christmas is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus. Especially since he wasn't born in December anyway. The manger is creepy. Bunch of fucking bearded dudes with hooks standing around looking at a baby while his mother tries to cover him up and the step father collects the gifts all in a horse stall with hay everywhere and farm animals milling about, probably lamb shit all over the place. Creepy.

The second display that makes me want to get out of the car, knock on the door and ask the douche bag who put it up to take it down is the strand of white lights up a pole with a half-ass star on top. Too religious, not fun, not Christmasy, all it lacks is an inflatable Pope in front of it.

Finally, what is the deal with LED lights? They are so frigging bright that it hurst my eyes and who the hell pays $11 for a strand of 100 lights, when I can get a strand of 100 regular lights for $3? In the words of Charlie Brown, Good Grief! Give that extra Christmas light money to the bell ringer Griswold!

With all due respect,
The Chief

Nuttin' Wrong Here Ma'!!

I know that a lot of people think I wear my tinfoil hat 24/7/365. I'm happy for you, if you may be one of those people I will say to you, keep downing those Twinkies, trusting those in authority (they would never lie to you!), salivating while watching, what some call news, hoping the Bryl Cream coiffed robot shuts up so you can just get to what's really important!! SPORTS! And just being an all around good consumer! "Drink up! Happy hour is now enforced by law!"

I have a true story...

Last weekend, my lovely wife and I were out and about wasting some time. We happened to be driving East on Wabash a.k.a. McCausland. We headed under hwy. 44 at the River DePew, when my wife said something about there being a strange color coming from what she believed was said river. At the next available opportunity I had a brief glance. To my surprise the river was definitely in a state that was shocking, even for River Desperes. I whipped the car around and looked for a place to park. We got out of the car and both took out our cameras and started to shoot. I took 3 pictures and my wife took 3-5.So, what's so strange you say? What would make Angry stop, park, and photograph a miserable open pit sewer...Erh, sorry, river?! Well the river was somewhere between the color of human blood and maroon!! Not just a light tinge either. As far as the eye could see N.E. to S.W. was this strange site.

Returning home I sent some friends some of the pic's (yes Angry has friends, and not always angry with them either). It was suggested I contact someone in the news media, a person that a friend knew and had dealt with many times. So I did. After several days of on again off again exchanges it was off, officially. No they wouldn't do the story, it was explained, rather sheepishly I might add. So I sent them to the other corporate mouth-pieces known as our local news channels. None responded immediately. Someone known fairly well to most that peruse the morning news finally did. It was about my picture not coming through and to please resend. I graciously complied, and heard nothing for a couple of days, so I emailed back to see where the 'Story' stood. I was informed, before any investigation was done to my knowledge that it was probably MSD and their use of tracing dye. I heard nothing more until a friend called and asked if those were my pictures that showed up on the local morning newscast! He said it was a blurb about the River Desperes and some pic's. Nothing more...The less important fact here is that no one contacted me to say "Hey dummy! We're gonna run that story. or, Can we use those pic's? or, Better look out cause the Illuminati knows you know!"

The most important fact is that to my knowledge there has been no explanation!! Someone can correct me if I'm wrong with one big caveat... If that explanation involves MSD and there harmless 'dye', well you can save it and go back to watching "Goose-stepping With The Stars", or what ever mindless drivel you partake of. Tell you what. I'll let the reader be the judge if all of this is something that looks harmless. Trust me, I've seen these "dye tests" that MSD does and I've never seen anything like this. That would have to be a lot of Goddamn dye. Hope no one's eating Channel Cat or Carp.
CLICK PICTURES FOR A FULL VIEW

100% Compatibility - Microsofts' Ransom Note

I hate Microsoft. Lets just get that out of the way.
Actually thats not accurate, I hate Windows. I actually really like Office, but Windows regardless of the version is complete shit.

Shut up, yes it is. You know it as well as I do. How many times in the last month have you had to restart your PC because it just locked up? How about in the last week? How many times have you had to get out the restore disc to get that Piece-of-Chit working again?

Ok how many times have you not been able to print to a printer that you just used? How many updates and security patches have you installed? How about the number of times you've tried to shut down or restart for whatever reason and watched the "Windows Is Shutting Down" message on the screen for an hour?

Probably more times than I have, I guarantee it in all cases.

Now that I've laid that out, lets look at Windows 7, otherwise known as Windows Vista - Pig in Makeup Edition. 100% backward compatibility. Remember the commercials? Or the ads? I do. I remember a faint tinge of fear that they might actually get it right this time forcing me to stop bashing their shitty OS. But no, the one thing Microsoft never lets me down with is their ability to NOT DELIVER.

Windows 7 was supposed to be 100% compatible with XP programs and all hardware that was "current". Really, they actually stuck out their skinny geek necks and promised 100% compatibility. But what they didn't tell you 100% backward compatibility is not available to everyone.

In fact some XP and Vista users, will not have access to XP compatibility at all unless they fork up the $199 to upgrade to Ultimate.

You see, in the Microsoft viewpoint there are no poor students or families just able to afford their computers or any customer respect. No just greed.

To get XP compatibility you have to run your XP programs in a "virtualized environment". Essentially Windows creates a second computer running XP inside your Windowns 7 computer. You can imagine that this is probably not going to give you the speed, graphic performance or stability that running the program in regular XP would, and you'd be imagining right.

The funny thing is that I run Windows apps on my Mac all day long doing the exact same thing, the difference being it doesn't crash my Mac or make it run slow and the rest of my computing experience is stable and smooth and doesn't require weekly security patches.

My most recent personal experience with this was with a new netbook computer running Windows 7. I bought it for work purposes and installed the one and only PC app that it had to run, which was written for XP. Guess what? The little netbook only comes with a crippled version of 7 called Starter and Starter doesn't include XP mode or even support it. My options were two, buy the $199 upgrade making my $400 netbook a $600 one or send the fucking thing back.

Give you one guess as to the option I chose.

What I don't understand though is why some many people are willing to put up with this crappy company, their crappy products and their complete lack of customer appreciation. I guess the world really is full of idiots.

Like you didn't see that coming.

With all due respect,
The Chief

A Story to Tuck your Kids in with...

Ok kids,

Time to tuck you in.

Tomorrow's the big day.

Santa will be here!

You've behaved all year I'm sure you're not on the Naughty List.

Now remember, you can't get up in the middle of the night or Santa won't come.

His elves have been toiling all year to make the toys for y....

Dammit. I can't lie to you anymore.

Kids. There is no Santa. Never was. He's just a control-figure we attempt to use to keep you in line and detract from the real meaning of Christmas:

The birth of baby Jesus.

That's what Christmas is about.

Christmas is the day that God gave man his only son so that he could teach us for a brief time on this earth and later die on the cross, all part of God's plan, so that he could free us from sin.

We should be celebrating his birth and give thanks to...

Dammit. I can't do it.

That's made up too. Ok. Maybe the guy is actually more likely to have existed than Santa Claus but he's actually a control-figure as well. He and Santa have both done some magic. Brought people back to life, shrunk to fit down chimneys, cured lepers, travel all over the world in one night, walked on water, made reindeer fly.

Don't be upset kids. It's for your own good. I'm stopping this cycle now so that you don't have to grow up and tell your kids the lies I've been telling you for years. The same ones my parents told me and my parent's parents told them.

Wow. This feels good. It's nice to get this weight off my chest. Now you can live your lives without these restraints. You can behave because it's the right thing to do. Not because some invisible bearded guy is watching you and judging whether you've been naughty or nice or said three Hail Marys.

Sleep tight kids. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

What's that?

Oh, they're just small parasitic insects that feed on human blood when they infest your bed.

Yes, THOSE, on the other hand, DO exist.

-Darth

My Adventures at the Genius Bar! or, the Pan-dimensional Apple Mystery Tour!!

 I recently started having all sorts of issues with my MacBook Pro with 10.6.2 on it. A lot of NULLS to what appeared to be RAM sectors, doClips repeating 100's of times, and panics. I initially did an Archive and Install... To no avail. I then attempted an Erase and Install, with similar results. I even slid in the old 10.4.11 disk to do the AHT. NADA! I took it in to the Genius Bar for a thorough going over. After 2+ days in Apple's possession, they found nothing wrong. I was informed that they made sure all of the pertinent updates were installed. I get home and fire it up. I have a quick look at the Console to see whats shaking. Close that. I begin to peruse my OS to see how things look and all of a sudden come across an .SPX file in my downloads folder... This is not a mac file to my knowledge. I click to open, 'cause I figure it's a fresh install with no other apps installed by me AT ALL. The file opens and voila' it is someone else's system profile, down to the nitty-gritty, sitting on my computer!! I was a bit alarmed at this and contacted the Apple store to discuss this. I asked how this could happen.... Was my Mac connected to their network? Did someone TargetD the thing? I was told that none of this could have occurred. It scares me because I literally had everything about this other persons profile, network IP's, programs used, etc. The really strange thing about all of this... The other computer has never even seen this country's shores, according to the manager!! Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had many more problems with a P.C. running WinBlows in any iteration than I’ve ever had with my Mac. I have also had an awesome experience any time I deal with Apple and their customer service. But this is re-Goddamn-diculous!! Seems like a pretty serious fuck-up to me!!
Anybody have any idea's????

ANGRY BRADY

Brief Bitch - Slow-ass Mother F*ckers

As you may have already gleaned from the various pieces that I've posted to this illustrious site, I am not particularly patient. I have little tolerance for people who go through life as if they are stuck in tar. I try to be respectful though and go around them, figuratively and literally, without even as much as a hurumpf, usually.

Today though every pokey ass cock sucker was out.

Every one.

And they were all in front of me. Sometime two at a time.

Case in point, I'm driving down a two lane street in a suburban area that has many side streets and lots of hills, so as to be expected the State has set the speed limit to 35. If they had asked me, it would be 45, because frankly if you can't navigate this sort of avenue, dealing with the various egresses and traffic at a reasonable pace then you shouldn't be driving. Its about 5:30 so its dark and the traffic is typical, heavier than a Sunday morning, but not "heavy". I come around a corner and to my chagrin I find myself behind some old fart in a Nissan Sentra doing 30.

Not 35.

30.

This is irritating to say the least but what the fuck, I'm not in a hurry...

Until we go up the next hill and he allows his car to slow to TWENTY FUCKING MILES PER HOUR!
20.

Son of Bitch.

Now, I'm in a hurry. In a hurry to get away from this jackass before my head explodes. Every goddamn hill we came to, and its Baxter for those of you in St. Louis so there are like 8 little hills, he would slow down to 20.

Just before we came to the point that Baxter opens up to 4 lanes, right before it crosses Clarkson, he turns off into a subdivision. It takes him a full 20 seconds to make a righthand turn on to his street.

I just about pulled my eye lids off.

I wanted his head on a platter.

Slow-ass mother fuckers stay home.

The Chief

Media Whores - Reality TV Wannabes

Just when I thought we had enough media time wasted on Richard Heene, he has been out done.

On a Presidential Scale.

Let me introduce to you, in case you just pulled your head from the sand, the Salahis, Tareq and Michelle as seen here during the Matt Lauer interview today.





These f!cking idiots would have us believe that they are the victims in this mess. They are trying to create a backstory wherein they were mislead to believe they were invited. These poor people are being railroaded by the White House. 

Bullshit!

If they had been invited, the Secret Service would have squashed this story immediately or Michelle Jones from the Pentagon would have never made they comment that she never told them they were invited.

But lets not judge the Salahis on this incident alone, but lets look at their history.

1) First and I think foremost, they wanted to be paid for their story. They didn't get paid by NBC, but I believe that they did the NBC interview at the direction of their legal council. I have a feeling they are in deeper shit then they thought they'd be and were told to get their sob story out before its too late.

2) They are also accused of crashing another political dinner just this past September. The Congressional Black Caucus Foundation spokesperson Muriel Cooper, confirmed that the Salahis were escorted out of a foundation dinner on 9/26. The couple was sitting at a $20,000-per-table section at the event where Obama was the keynote speaker. When the guests that actually paid complained that someone was in their seats, the Salahis were asked to show their tickets. They were asked to leave when they couldn't produce them. Security at the event escorted them out of the building. Very douchey.

3) The Salahis have been accused of running a fake charity as well. The Virginia State Attorney General reported  to Alex Bogdonovich of The Fauquier Times-Democrat in May 2009 that the Salahis’ charitable organization, Journey for a Cure, was not registered with the State Corporation Commission and warned givers that the State “could not be assured that funds were being spent for charitable purposes".

4) To top it all off, Michelle Salahi like our beloved Richard Heene, is a hopeful for a reality TV show. She is being considered for Bravo's upcoming "Real Housewives of Washington DC". Bravo has confirmed that they were actually taping the Salahis that day but will not comment on whether or not they got any footage inside the State Dinner. 

Now what does this all mean for the Salahis, the Secret Service and the President? 

Well my guess is that the Salahis will wear out their 15 minutes, she won't be on Bravo and their businesses will all suffer as a result of the publicity and the time and money they will spend defending themselves in the impending federal investigation. 

The Secret Service will fire lots of people, blame one guy and figure they got lucky with just some cheesy photo-ops and news coverage. 

The President will go on about his life just like he has these last 200 something days, with the feeling that someone is always trying to get to him and that he needs to keep any eye out for nut jobs.

As for Richard Heene, well to update you he and his wife have pled guilty to felony and misdemeanor charges for concocting their little hoax back in October. Its likely, per the prosecutors, that they will serve some jail time and the fines will be in the $30,000-$50,000 range. His wife, Mayuki Heene is a japanese citizen and faces possibly deportation for a felony conviction. They Heene's attorneys will no doubt avoid that due to the concern both the Heenes and the prosecutors have for the Heene's kids, which is ironic when you think about the fact that all their trouble was because they pretended to loose their son in balloon.

Dipshits.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Black Friday - Further Proof that People are Idiots

Sure. With this economy we need any push we can get.

Buy stuff. Buy stuff. Buy stuff!!!

Who doesn't like a good deal? I know I do. These days money is tight and many of us are questioning whether we really need that latte this morning or should I buy the store brand gallon of milk to save 60 cents.

BUT WHO ARE THESE RETARDS who are getting to the stores at midnight so that they can save $50 on a $800 flatscreen or be guaranteed that you get the hot Elmo-Jerks-Himself-Off for your two year-old who'd be happy playing with an empty box?

Come on. I had a couple friends call me to let me know of their Black Friday Adventures. How they got there, found what they needed in the first twenty minutes then spent 2-3 hours in the checkout line. I'm certain there are worse places to be, but for me, I would have to compare it to something out of Dante's Inferno.

Now for those of you who partake in Cyber Monday: Right On.

In fact, do it while you're at work. Stick it to the man! Make money while you save money.

Just don't tell us about how awesome it was.

No one cares.

-Darth

HATE IS GOOD

Hatred.
What can be said about it?
It's in all of us. Where does it stem from?
How much is too much?
We have an "Angry" contributor on this site and I can relate to it. I'm angry at times but I try not to let it get to me.
But Hatred. That's different.
Do you ever say to yourself "I hate that cock sucker" or "I hate when these assholes don't know how to drive"?I had the unpleasant experience a year ago to lose my job. I saw it coming as I clashed with a new coworker who I just didn't see eye to eye with. In fact, no one did. This guy was, and is, what you would call a total jerk-off. Sure, he could do his job but he was power hungry and made it his mission to weasel his way into being the company owner's new pet. This is how I knew my day would come.
So when that day finally came I was OK with it at first. A little relieved actually. All that stress from the job was gone. I'd be OK. I'd find another job less stressful. Not as much money of course. Then we went into the worst recession we've seen in our lifetime.Every week I got more and more depressed and, of course, pissed off. I'd be driving and I'd would just start thinking about this dude who had to show me who's boss and I'd just start seething with hatred. I would start thinking about how I'd love for something bad to happen to him. Not just your run of the mill something bad. We're talking BAD. Like I hope one of his kids gets a disease and he has to watch that kid deteriorate ultimately resulting in his wife leaving him and so on.
Then I thought to myself: I am one sick fuck.
What is wrong with me?
Am I bereft of all things human?Then I had my buddy come over the other night so I could help him with his resume.
Guess what? He lost his job too. From dealing with the same prick. The big difference was that this guy was fired by him. He had clawed his way up to being everyone's boss.
I told him of my angst I've been feeling and the hatred I hold for this guy.
He went on to tell me, in detail, how he hoped and prayed that the bastard would have to watch as horrible things were done to his wife and kids while he was helpless to do anything about it. I can't go into detail. The Chief would shit a brick if I retold the fantasy verbatim.
But trust me. It was some nasty, horrible stuff. My jaw dropped and I told him, "Jesus, dude. That's fuuuucked up!"But deep inside. I related.
And then I thought: That would be awesome. Especially if it made the news.
Ah. I feel so much better.
Hate is good.
-Darth

Ever Notice - Look At Me Assholes

I don't begrudge anyone the desire to stand out, to be heard above the din, to be less ordinary. There are many ways we can make our marks and raise our heads above the sea of the boring, mindless conformist that fill the elementary school lobbies and shopping mall, however few are genuine and unique enough to be successful. The level of failure varies with geography and demographics but there are a few that seem to permeate nearly every level of society.

The Noise Makers 

Loudness = Coolness, right? No, wrong. Completely and utterly fucking wrong. The fact that you deliberately modified your vehicle to produce more noise than was designed in order to get the innocent people that your piece of shit disturbed to turn their heads in your direction is proof enough that you are officially a douche bag does not go unnoticed.

There are numerous iteration of this prime example of Look-At-Me Assholes like The Biker otherwise known as the Weekend Harley Douche, The Drifter otherwise known as Rice Dick and The Monster Truck / Hot Rod Diesel Owner or as I like to call him Big Loud Pickup BOY. These guys all have one thing in common, if they had one more inch they'd be king, one less they'd be queens. Length challenged or as the medical community refers to it Micropenis.

Sorry guys, loud cars or bikes does not make girls think you have a big dick, they are all in on the joke and laughing at you as you pass.

As subset of these particular group is the Hummer Owner. If there was every another vehicle designed by and for people with Micropenis that more loudly screamed "Look at me, I paid $70,000 for a fucking Chevy Tahoe clad is queer plastic!", I can't think of it.

The 80's Called and They Want Their Mohawk Back

There is no reason to ever walk around sporting this look unless you just stepped out of a time machine and didn't know that the punk movement ended, 20 years ago or you're go to a Halloween party. These dipshits like many Look-At-Me Assholes think that by looking like some kind of sideshow freak they strike fear in to the hearts of everyone that unfortunately sets eyes on them. Truth is ass-face, that we all know that you can't fight, you still drive your mom's car and you really don't like that shit scream metal that you listen to.

You really should give this look up because it just draws attention to what a complete fucking waste of organic material you are. We'll come see you at the local record store, twenty years from now.  Loser.

And by the way don't get all bent up and confrontational when people look at you, isn't that what you wanted?

Surgery Queens

Men like tits.
We like them a lot.
Some of us like a handful, others more, few less.
No one likes tits so big that they have their own gravity, except maybe other women with similar emotional problems.

These sad bitches are probably the worst of the lot. Typically they are or were decent looking women but somewhere in their past they were looked over for a chick with a better set which, sets off years of mammary envy. Eventually they get up the money/nerve to get an enhancement and fall prey to additional insecurity by mistaking "bigger is better" is valuable and valid advise from their equally pathetic boyfriend who is typically 20 years their senior.

Big is good.
Humongous is just ridiculous and a complete turn off.

You could have just grocery shopped naked, if you wanted everyone that you walk passed to stop and stare. If you really think that the other moms at soccer practice are jealous you're as delusional as you are whorey because its not jealousy the brings the whispers and the sideways glances, its awe. The kind of awe that makes traffic come to a complete stop when a semi crashes into a loaded school bus on the opposite side of the highway.

I could go on, and perhaps one day I will. If you see anyone this idiots out don't fall into their trap. Don't look at them and surely they will wither and die like the social vampires they are.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Real Review - The LG FX-1 Multimedia HDD

I recently decided to purchase a multimedia control unit for my wife to use. While I was fine hooking up my Mac to the LCD TV and plugging in my terabyte HD to that to watch movies, it was not the most user friendly experience.
I did my homework. I got to see some of my buddies media centers in action. I priced units and decided on two models that would probably work for us. We went to Worst Buy and started looking. Immediately, we were approached by someone that could possibly be of service. After some discussion with the "expert",  he convinced me to purchase the LG FX-1 Multimedia HDD. This sounded great! It was supposedly capable of reading virtually all needed files, including the ever-so important subtitle files, SRT's, etc. The bonus being that unlike its competitors, it has a 500 gig HD built in! This is important because it was the same price as the non-HD units I was considering. It also said "Mac compatible".
Eagerly we drive home to set up our new gadget. I unpack the unit, making sure all is there. The first sign something may be amiss was seeing one of those mini-cd/rom's in the box and no hardcopy owners manual. 
The paperwork that did come with it told me I could go straight to LG's site for further assistance. I decided to fire it up plugged into the Mac. As I suspected, the HD was formatted NTFS. 
No worries, the Mac has a nifty little program called Disk Utility in which I can format any drive into just about any conceivable format. This includes FAT-ass 32 and NTFS (NoTFuckingSafe).
I format the mounted volume to Mac OS Extended(Journaled), and drug some files over to test. Things go down hill from here.


Attaching the FX-1 to the TV, I turn the unit on and then the television. The FX-1 immediately informs me it is formatting itself... I start to frown a bit. It finishes. I check for my files. Gone! The FX-1 gets unplugged. I plug it back into my Mac. Disk Utility reports as I had feared, NTFS format! I repeat the steps. To no avail...
To those of you that know Mac's, they are very forgiving. They can read FAT and NTFS files like a champ! The same is not true of FAT and NTFS! Hence my need to make this FX-1's HD Mac OS compatible. NO DAMN DICE!!


Here's where the teeth gnashing and hair pulling session come in. I'm not about to stick that miniature cd of death into my laptop, so I go to LG's website, per the instructions given in what little paperwork I had. 
UHHHHH.... LG's website has never heard of this product. I even tried typing in it's fucking serial number, to no avail. I tried LG's over-sea's sites. NADA!
At this point I'm relegated to looking for a pdf of the owners manual. Nothing on RapidShare or like sites. Nothing on Bitorrent. Nothing on sites that reviewed the damn thing!! ZERO!
I calmly wrapped the piece of stinking, poorly engineered, shit up and returned it the next day!
 I considered loosing my cool to a manager at Worst Buy, telling him/her about my wasted gas, wasted time, and the employee that recommended this contraption, knowing full well I asked about its Mac compatibility. I did not this time, for fear my anger may get the best of me.
I haven't given a rating for anything yet on this site, so I have no guideline. So how about this... I'll call them ANGRY YELLS. The order being 1 Angry Yell being the best and 10 being the worst. This steaming hunk of wasted time gets 7 ANGRY YELLS.

LG has FAILED!!!


DO NOT BUY!!
P.S.   Just today while writing this I found the damn thing on LG's site dedicated to it's junk. Try sitting through the "flash fest" that is it's site and tell me if you still have the nerve...
On another note--- I got the Western Digital TV Live. Works like a damn champ!!




ANGRY BRADY

Wasting Tax Dollars for Public Safety?!?!

My wife and I were traversing our fair city's streets this weekend when I noticed something that struck me as rather peculiar and asinine. At the corner of the intersection of a well traveled thoroughfare, was a sign that read "Vision Impaired Person Crossing". This being an intersection with no known 'Homes' for the disabled, or to my knowledge, anyone remotely ever exhibiting blindness crossing this intersection. I cross this street day and night and in all days of the week. There are actually several signs in close proximity to each other, and they don't look as though they've been there for years or anything. This is all well and good, except that it got me thinking about a few things. UHH-OH....


First off, why the expenditure for all the signs for 'fantom' blind people? If there are any, I am convinced they would be better served by a sign stating something like, "LOOK-the-FUCK-OUT for the 14,000 potholes your about to drive over, cause it's St. Louis" type sign. Drivers would possibly pay a bit more attention to the stray blind guy or gal aimlessly zig-zagging through busy intersections! Probably not though, 'cause everyone I see here in The 'LOU is too busy yacking on their cell phones, while eating fried food, putting on mascara, and generally looking dour. It's as if most of them are looking for any reason to plow into you to teach you and your ancestors and offspring a lesson! That's another story though...

Secondly, why not make up about 13 more signs? Things like: Auditory  Impaired/ Mentally Impaired/ Melanin Impaired/ Chromosome-nally  Impaired/ Money Impaired/ Caring Impaired/ Age Impaired/ Male Impaired/ Pet Impaired/ Car Impaired/ Sexually Impaired/ Alcohol Impaired/ Lear-Jet Impaired. Why leave anyone out?!? I thought our society was all P.C. and shit!! I feel discriminated against dammit!! Maybe I've got grounds for a Civil Rights lawsuit against the city for being left out of the warning sign pie! 


Thirdly, as my wife so keenly pointed out, the sign is rather vague anyhow!! Hell!! Everyone is visually impaired dependent upon who is being judged and against whose standards! To a Peregrine Falcon we're all as near-sighted as a shrew!


Fourthly, the mere act of putting up so many signs expressing

the same thing and with such bright colors, would seem to constitute a public safety hazard .Thereby impeding commuters from displaying the proper attention to the act of driving, thereby endangering not only the visually impaired, but all others too, rendering said commuter "Visually Impaired" also! 




Anyone else have any bright or dumb ideas on this matter???


ANgry BrAdy

No, we don’t need healthcare reform (a cautionary tale) EDITED FOR A SOFTER GENTLER WEB EXPERIENCE

I thought I would relate my personal experience with “The World’s Best Healthcare System”.

I provide this information for the reader’s consideration.
How about some background first. I have had many different insurers from United Healthcare and Blue Cross, to the West Coast version of GHP, called Group Health Cooperative, including GHP Midwest. All of these insurers have their good and bad points. 

  The reason for my posting today stems from the insurance I have now. It is called “Fundamentals”, and it is provided by, provided is a misnomer, CIGNA. This “insurance” is quite possibly THE WORST, MOST ILL-CONCEIVED, ORWELLIAN, PILE OF UTTER RUBBISH KNOWN TO ME!!!

This plan, so very graciously offers 5 whole trips to the doctor per calendar year! $25 copays. 70% of x-rays, lab tests, urgent care visits, chemotherapy, ambulance benefits, and emergency room visits. After a $500 dollar deductible (which doesn’t sound too bad). It has $15/50%/25% prescriptions. Hospitalization---100% up to $750 a day and ICU 100% up to $2000 a day So what’s the major malfunction Angry?!?!?!


The FINE PRINT is the beef here. The fine print being things like, $25,000 policy year maximum, a LIFE TIME BENEFIT amount of guess....... $50,000!!!! $ 50 mother-f**kin’ thousand!! That’s right. That could be done in one serious trip to the hospital!!! Wanna know what else?! In amongst a veritable laundry list of exclusions and limitations is this doozy, and this is verbatim, The treatment of mental or nervous disorders, alcoholism, or any form of substance abuse, except as specifically provided. WTF!!! That sounds like blatant discrimination!! F**K THAT!! IT IS BLATANT DISCRIMINATION!!! Mental Problems, Alcoholism, Drug abuse, and the like are some of THE MOST problematic and serious public health problems in ALL of society!!!!!!! That’s not my thinking, check out the W.H.O.’s website, or the N.I.H.’s website. More societal problems stem from the big three than from Cancer, AIDS, and Diabetes com-f**king-bined!!! It could be argued those diseases directly, in part, stem from the prior!  

Wanna know what else?? I get all of this for a mere $40 per paycheck!! That’s a lot of G0ddamn money for this crumby excuse of a health insurance policy!! To top it off.... If I’m not mistaken, the C.E.O. of CIGNA was one of the highest paid C.E.O. of ALL insurance companies!!!!!!!!!!! $9,478,634 to be exact!  

One of the other big benefits I receive... I get a letter at least every three weeks asking me to PROVE I need whatever treatment I got and a continual SNAFU at Walgreens any time a prescription needs filled!! 
Yeah!! F**K H/C REFORM THATS F**KING PINK-O SOCIALISM!! LET’S KEEP THIS FREE MARKET THING ‘CAUSE IF NOT THOSE G0DDAMN COMMIE FREE-THINKER TYPES WILL WRECK OUR ENTIRE SOCIAL FABRIC!!! AND MAY HURT EDWARD HANWAY’S AND HIS ILK’S BOTTOM LINE!! MAYBE MR. HANWAY SHOULD TRY FORGOING HIS SALARY AND JUMP ON HIS “FUNDAMENTALS” PLAN WITH HIS WIFE AND KIDS, SEE HOW WELL THEY FAIR!! BTW, If I wanted to include my wife on this ROCKIN’ plan she would be $357 a month extra! 

I’m not saying Uncle Sam would be the best guardian of a new system, but we need change like f**king NOW!!

ANGRY BRADY

Ever Notice - People in Waco are Really Creative

Waco, Texas.

Home of David Koresh and his Branch Davidians and Trista Joy Lathern.

Trista faked having breast cancer and told people that she was on chemotherapy.

She went as far a shaving her head and putting out fliers all over Waco for a fundraiser in her honor to help pay for her bullshit-treatments because "her health insurance had run out".

Hundreds of apparent suckers showed up at the event that hosted four bands a raffle and a bake sale. Upwards of $10,000 was raised for Trista's titty fund.

Titty Fund? Yes!

Trista used the money to get breast implants.

I have to admit this is the most creative way I've ever heard of someone raising for my implants.

It almost worked too, except as creative as Trista was, she's not real bright. She went to a plastic surgeon in Waco that HAD SEEN THE FLIERS FOR THE FUNDRAISER.

Needless to say the doc was suspicous and called the cops when Trista brought over 3 grand in cash for the down payment on the surgery.

The best part is that her husband was fouled as well. He maintains that he did not know that she didn't have cancer until the police came to question her.

Trista was arrested on November 4th for theft by deception and was released on bond two days later. The same day in fact that her husband filed for an annulment of their 7 month marriage. He also requested custody of their two son's ages 3 and 5.

Ages 3 and 5? 7 month marriage? Well its Texas after all. At least she's not 14.

Trista was re-arrested on the 9th because the Waco PD found a warrant for her on check fraud charges from 2007. Obviously the Waco PD is really on the ball. Aren't they the ones that freaked out on the Davidians and called in the AFT?

With all due respect,
The Chief

When They Tell You To Put Your Hands Up, Put Them Up!

If you check Youtube or Failblog or any number of other sites you can find hundreds if not thousands of videos of idiots being Tasered. The ridiculous thing about all these videos is the the police tell these shit-heads at least 30 times to comply and they just don't.

People, what is it about a cop yelling "lay down on the ground or we will taser you!" that you don't understand? Why would anyone ignore a cop screaming at you while holding a fucking thing that looks like a phaser from a 80's scifi TV show? I just don't get it.

Actually I do get it. People are idiots and cannot be expected to properly respond to even the simplest orders. Take this guy, Utah's Bruce Harper for example.



The Davis County officers are being sued now, because they tasered this dipshit 6 times after they asked him 60 times to stay in the car or to get on the ground. Now granted maybe tasings #3,4,5 and 6 were excessive, but this ass-wipe deserved1&2.

Even more idiotic though is that this jerk was pulled over for a crooked license plate and didn't just stay in the goddamn car, he wasn't even inebriated.

Just Stupid.

One of the best examples of "idiots that get tasered because their stupid" is the case of 72 year old Kathryn Winkfein in Travis County Texas. She is pulled over by a Travis County cop for 60 in a 45. She then refuses to accept or sign the ticket which is required by law in Texas and results in arrest if you refuse. She then gets out of her car to argue with the officer. He tells her to get back in her car and to step back away from him or that she will be tased to which she stupidly replie "I dare ya". Just watch.



Why did she get out of the car?

What the fuck is wrong with people?

I seem to remember a my father telling me when I was about 12, "Son, pick your battles and know when to shut up." Not like he ever did, and I certainly failed to remember this sage advise a time or two myself but really when they tell you to put your hands up, put them up because like my grandfather who was a high school principal once told me, "Do you know what the bullies in school grow up and become? Gym couches and cops." My grandfather also gave me this jewel as well, "the average IQ in this country is 80. Most of the bullies in my school have below average intellegence."

Do you think he was trying to tell me something?

With all due respect,
The Chief

The State of Bigotry in America 2009

Sure. We have a black President and we've come a long way from the 50s and 60s. Racism has calmed down. It's definitely still there but not to the point where it's a national concern. Bigotry, however, is alive and well. I would say thriving.

Before you ask, there is a difference between Racism and Bigotry. As much as you'd like to say you're not a bigot I want to ask you a few questions. Has any of the similar to the following ever happened to you?

• Have you ever been stuck in line at a store behind a Middle Eastern guy and his wife? Was he stern and difficult with the checkout lady, questioning every other item's price when it rang up, all the while his wife stood there obediently? Was he purchasing 20 2-liter bottles of Pepsi and 10 cases of Mountain Dew? Can you make bombs with this shit?

• How about being in a different neighborhood buying beer on Sunday, taking a break from football, with your buddy and in front of you in the checkout lane you spot MC Hammer. He's wearing sunglasses inside and about 10 different chains with a brand new fancy shirt and sneakers. You laugh as your buddy points out that he's paying with WIK vouchers. Whaa?

• How about traveling out to Jefferson County and getting gas and having to lock the car when you're out of it because everyone seems to be smoking meth?

• How surprised were you when you heard about the Fort Hood shootings only to find out that the shooter was named Nidal Malik Hasan? And, get this, a Muslim. Shocker!

• Don't you love waiting at a stop light and you avoid eye contact with the loser who's panhandling a couple cars ahead? Don't you think to yourself how hard you just worked to earn the money in your pocket?

• Are you aggravated every time you use an ATM and have to choose English or Spanish? And you live in the Midwest?

Is it me or do we have a long way to go?

I'm sure it's me.

-Darth

Smoking Bans? How about something a little stronger?

You may remember I little piece I did a few weeks ago called "Ever Notice - Smokers Are Retarded?" wherein I touch on a few of the idiotic behavioral nuances of the typical smoker. Thing like not smoking in their own house because it stinks the place up or not wanting to smoke while they eat. All things that smokers do to make the average non-smoker chuckle and the astute non-smoker write about them. As you might have guessed, I am not a smoker, never have been, never will be and I freely admit that if given the option of spending the evening in a smoky bar or at a funeral I'd opt for the casket duty.

This week the voters in St. Louis voted for a smoking ban in the St. Louis City and County. This ban prohibits smoking in business that do not generate the majority of their revenue from the sale of alcohol, so basically bars and casino get a pass. Not a problem for me because most bars and casinos are filled with idiots that can't hold their liquor or the money anyway so let 'em smoke up. They might as well put themselves out of my misery as quickly as possible.

The ban also does not go into effect until 2011 so we'll have to dodge these idiots at the front door of Target and Lowes for another year. This timeframe is something that I don't understand however, why wait? Are we trying to give all the smokers time to go out and smoke themselves silly at insert your favorite restaurant here?  Or is the local government hoping that they will all shut up and forget about it long enough to quietly expand it? I can only hope.

The one thing that this new law does which really strikes me as lame is it sets up a fine structure that just to me isn't adequately punitive. For the offense of smoking in a banned place you are fined $50. The owner or manager of then establishment that allowed you to smoke is fine $100 for the first offense, $200 for the second and $500 for the the third plus offenses.

$50? $100?

Thats ridiculous, especially when you consider smokers must have a lot of money, right? On average St. Louis County area smokers smoke 125 packs a year and at an average cost of $5 a pack, they spend $650 a year to poison themselves, so I figure hit them with a fine that they'll remember.

A nice round number like $500 would make them think twice before they light up again.

But I have an even better idea. I think we should relook at the whole ban and beef it up a bit. Instead of a ban on smoking in business and government places, how about a new hunting season for the Missouri Yellow Toothed Smoker. It could be a year long season and could incorporate bow as well as rifle subseasons. The county could issue licenses to hunters at a cost.

I mean lets be honest they're killing themselves anyway.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Hey Morons! Start decorating!!

So, one of the most excellent holidays of the year, Halloween, is over.

What's next?

Thanksgiving?

Nope. Sorry. Let's just move onto Christmas.

I'm at Lowe's this morning to buy some leaf bags (because it's fall) and guess what is everywhere the minute you walk into the home improvement store?

Christmas shit.

Those obnoxious inflatable front yard decorations and numerous other crap for those people who have nothing better to spend their money on.

Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas and I love Christmas decorations.

I just don't like them on November 1st!

Why does it get earlier every year? It's ridiculous.

How early is it going to be next year? The day after Labor Day?

It's going to get earlier and earlier if we (you) don't stop buying this crap.

Since we're on the subject of Christmas. It's Christmas. Not some generic Season's Greetings bullshit so that we don't offend the Jews, Muslims and those 5 people that celebrate Kwanzaa.

Kwanzaa. Wasn't that one of Jabba's guards in Return of the Jedi?

I need to stop writing about Christmas already. It's only November.

Angry’s Favorite Director (or how NOT to get ahead in advertising)

While chewing the fat last weekend with Darth at The Chief’s shin-dig; We got to talking about movies. I happened to mention some of my favorites, including my all time favorite director David Lynch. Darth made the suggestion I review either some movies or the like, which is rather out of character for me.I know, I know...I think he’s right on this one.
For those of you not familiar with Lynch, he wrote and/or directed such greats as: Eraser Head, Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, Lost Highway, Mulholland Drive,the most non-Lynch-like The Straight Story, Twin Peaks, the list goes on.
In addition to these he is a jazz musician, sculptor, painter,and all around strangely sanguine, even nerdy sorta guy born into a family in Missoula, MT. unsettlingly familiar to some of the “Leave it to Beaver” type families, ‘with a twist’, Lynch has in his cinema.
One needs to understand the impression he had on me at a very young age to be able to fully appreciate why his movies are burned into my psyche’. I was probably 12-13 when my Pop brought home this video called Eraser Head. He probably said something like, “Come on boys! I’ve got the new Rambo flick! Only better!” My dad was that way, always fucking with our young brains. Don’t get me wrong. My dad was a great guy, brilliant too, I think even Darth and The Chief would concur on that one. Anyway, there I was swept into an entirely, not just new and strange, but absofuckinglutely twisted and enlightening new universe!! Lynch busted this boys Amygdla and Thalamus wide open! Ain’t been quite the same since.
Eraser Head is too fucked to try and explain here. WATCH IT!!
Blue Velvet was the next movie I watched. This is probably still my favorite Lynch film. A Brief synopsis: College boy visits quite home town. Boy finds ear. Boy gets involved in the dark and dangerous underbelly of said town. Boy gets to meet Frank Booth, a twisted cat that likes to huff Oxygen( yes, Oxygen,Lynch interview said so) then get really schitzo and run amok! “Don’t you fucking look at me! Daddy wants to fuck! I’ll fuck anything that moves!!” Dean Stockwell (Quantum Leap fame) plays a freak called  Benny... You Gots to Check it Out!! Good times will be had bay all!! Especially that first date. wink-nod.
Wild at Heart is another great piece of cinematic glory. It stars Laura Dern and Nicholas Cage,(yeah before he started smokin’ that big time Hollywood producer Pole! Shithead!) This is, I do believe, the first movie I took my wife,at that time still girlfriend to. A rockin’ good time was had by all!! It’s basically a re-telling of The Wizard of Oz. Except only as Lynch could do it. Lots of cameos. Lots of good music. Lots of 1/2 dimension away from ours weirdness! Check It! Mulholland Drive: This is one of Lynchs’ newer films. It stars Naomi Watts(who plays two roles I later gleaned), and Laura Herring. Those two have probably one of the hottest sex scenes I’ve seen!! Fuck-O! Oh, and a briefly encountered Billy Ray Cyrus! Mullet and all. Basically, a starlet is riding in a limo. Her drivers try to kill her. Instead they get into an accident and she stumbles down the Hollywood hills with amnesia. She gets befriended by a wanna-be ‘starlet’. Things go Twilight Zone shortly after that. The scene in the diner, where these two, totally unrelated to the story, guys are talking, one  is telling about a recurring dream he has, that has to do with the diner that they are in presently. A walk ensues, to behind the building. The story teller is reliving his dream. He gets to a corner where the garbage bins are, and is completely horrified by what starts to peer around the corner back at him.....FUCKING CREEPY!!! I shit you not!
The movie on it surface, seems one of Lynchs’ more approachable, by the casual viewers of the usual tripe that passes for cinema. It has me firing all 8 gerbil wheels at once, more times than not trying to come up with another theory 'bout what's actually going on.
To put things a little more cut and dry... Lynch is like taking your brain to a swinger party only to find out, all in attendance either have no genitalia,or the ones that do, remind you of your first pet you loved so much, that died; Only to be brought back from the dead with messages of good will from the god Quetzalcoatl, provided you make a small sacrifice..
Long Live Lynch!!!  I hope you give his work a try. Besides, haven't you seen Monsters Inc.35  or  SAW 700 enough???

AnGRy BraDy

Stop Trying To Kill Halloween

Oh No! Look Out! Little Satanist Are Coming To Your Door!

As kids, we all remember the excitement that the end of October brought; pumpkin carving, costume parties, "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown", and Halloween episodes of your favorite 80's sitcoms. Every store in town had an aisle dedicated to costumes, all of which were in cardboard boxes with clear windows on the top so you could see the hard plastic mask inside and the vinyl costume underneath and the aisle with more candy than you had seen all year. The school Halloween parties where each kid wore their costume and paraded down the halls and through the classrooms to show off your bitchin' Darth Vader outfit or you Bionic Women kit.There would be half a dozen haunted houses that teenagers would stand in freezing rain to go through and bon fires for the adults to stand around in half-ass costumes while inbiding on Pabst or Falstaff.

All of this Halloween fun went on year after year my entire childhood and believe it or not...

We didn't all turn into Satanists!

But now, the elementary school kids in our school district (Rockwood) can't have Halloween parties. There are billboards in several parts of St. Louis adverstising "Realty Houses" as an alternative to Haunted Houses and today I saw signs available at a gas station in Kirkwood that say "NO TREATS! BAN THE GLORIFICATION OF SATAN!"

Really.

People have lost their minds.

Who the hell really thinks that Halloween has anything to do with Satan? No one but an idiots, and well you know the world is ful of them. Halloween comes from the traditions of Samhaim which was a day to celebrate the honored dead and remember family members that had died and to wear scary costumes to ward off evil, not call for it. I'm sure you know who to thank for the Satanic slant on Halloween, I don't think I have to name them, but it rhymes with Tristan.

Now and for nearly all of modern history Halloween has been about two things; candy and pretending to be someone you're not. There is nothing else to it. You crazy churchies can give up on all the Satan crap, we're not buying it. Anyway, Satan, really? Give me a break.

The funny thing is that the more churches try to stop Halloween the more people start to see how ridiculous churches are. To give you an idea how far they will go, there is a baptist church in Eureka Missouri that is doing a "reality house" that is a spin on the Hell House concept wherein the house displays scense of tragity and violence and attempts to scare you into thinking that if you don't drink their kool-aide your going to go to hell. The concept is really disturbing and uses fear to prompt people to convert.

Isn't that sort of against the very basic ethics of Christianity, just sayin'.

I've included a clip of a documentary on a hell house in Colorado that should fully illustrate my point.

I say, leave Halloween alone! Stop trying to turn everything kids have into some kind of mind control and keep your religion out of my fun!

With all due respect,
The Chief

Five Great Places to Eat within 5 Minutes of the Lone Wolf Coffee Company

Being a West St. Louis County resident presents a dining dilemma; where to eat/drink/hang that isn't a chain restaurant. In the Ellisville/Ballwin/Wildwood area there are many places to eat, but really only a few that offer a quality, varied menu and good service in a atmosphere that makes you feel like your eating a place that loves your community. We've lived in the Wildwood area for 17 years, and have impatiently waited for the menus to grow with the population. There have been some great places come and stay, and a few that stayed too long and we've tried them all.

As you may have read, a couple of our readers think that I am unsatisfiable. I am critical, picky, a bit harsh and sometimes downright nasty, but I want something other than Sysco re-heats and Sam's Club products for my dollar. 

To remove any concern that I "hate everything" I offer this "cluster-review"of my favorite places to dine, with your family, within five minutes of my least favorite place.

5)  Peppers Deli and BBQ - near Summer Winds Nursery, close to the corner of Clarkson and Manchester
     36 Clarkson Rd
     Ellisville, MO

After 11 years of serving some of the best smoked and barbecued meats in the area, Pepper has our vote. The location may not be glamorous, but the food kicks ass. My wife is the real Peppers fan. We get a big tray full of their smoked chicken quesadillas for our annual Halloween Party, about 50 and they are usually gone within first 10 minutes. Almost every year we have people ask us where they come from and we never hesitate to tell them.

We love to stop in for a quick and simple dinner during the week and typically split the Southwest BBQ Wrap with pulled pork. Its huge and filling and delicious. They have a big menu with everything from their 11 different wraps to 10 salads and gourmet dogs and sandwiches. Best of all though is they have like 11 different meats that are rubbed and smoked to perfection. Anything from angus brisket to buffalo burger to half chickens and most if not all of it is ready to take home in the coolers or can be order for pick up.

Like all the places in this review, the service here is as good as the food. Its a small place and there are usually just a couple of people working, but they knock out the orders in minutes and have the time to chit-chat with you while they do it. They even have a little patio area to the side, which is where we usually enjoy our wrap when the weather is decent.

Best of all, this year the owner called my wife to make sure that the quesadillas met her expectations and to thank her for her business over the last few years. He didn't have to call, we would have ordered next year anyway, but its nice to know that he noticed.


4)   Senor Pique - in front of Marshals and Homegoods
      14870 Manchester Rd
      Ballwin, MO 63011-4620

I am a mexiphile. Love the country, love the food, y la gente.  My whole family does. There are lots of mexican joints in the far West County area, but for my peso this place is the best. They don't sell you ground beef tacos and bland chicken fajitas that taste like your Aunt Edna made them with a Lowrys Seasoning packet. Their flavors are strongly authentic and their offerings are well beyond the standard Tex/Mex style of many of their competitors. They offer plates you just don't find anywhere else that I've been; like Tacos de Chicharon Verde - small "open face" tacos of porkloin cooked in jalapenos, or Tacos de Cameron - spicy grilled tiger shrimp tacos with chipotle cream and avocado or my personal favorite Chile Morita con Puerco - porkloin simmered in the house chile morita sauce that will burn your frigging eyes out but god its good.

As good as the food is, the service is better. The wait staff are all super friendly, super attentive and all seem to be having a good time. I've never had the opportunity to meet the owner/manager, but I've seen him in action. He always seems to be smiling and having a good time as well. Speaking of good times, they love to party at Senor Pique because they throw huge outdoor parties throughout the spring and summer starting with Cinco de Mayo.

And BTW they were voted the Best Mexican in St. Louis in the RFT for 2007. Great place.


3)  Sarah's Cafe and Bakery - by Elegant Child and Zick's Nursery
     505 Strecker Road 
     Wildwood, MO

I love breakfast. I love cupcakes. My wife does too.
We love Sarah's

I think we have been here almost every Saturday morning since sometime in March, with the exception of the past few months due to early morning 6th grade football games. I've had every scramble, the wheat germ pancakes, the waffles and the Southwest burrito. All crazy good. 

They serve espresso drinks as well a good cup of coffee and they keep your cup filled which I love.

The bakery stuff is ridiculous, -ly good. There are a lot of cupcake places in St. Louis all hoping to cash in on the Sprinkles craze and to be honest they all pale in comparison to Sarah's. These cupcakes are the right size, they have just enough frosting and the cake is high quality, not too sweet, moist, yum. The other bakery items are excellent as well like the cake truffles, the cookies and the bars. My wife is partial to the apricot bar which when they don't have it she almost cries.

They also do lunch but not dinner and the lunch menu is very good as well. I've only been there once for lunch and I had the Provencial Salad. The flavor and ingredient quality surpassed its $7.99 price tag.

Again, the service here is also excellent. You never wait for anything, your coffee cup is always full, your water glass is always full, your food is always hot and your order is always right. 


2)  Mulligans Grill - next to Gaffneys Sports, behind Pizza Hut
     11 Clarkson Road
     Ellisville, MO

21 beers from across the world, killer martinis, hot wings that call your name and burgers that could be served to royalty. Not your usual sports bar. I hate to even call it a sports bar because to me they're not places I usually want to go, but Mulligans is different, yet still a sports bar with TVs at every angle with every game on and the requisite Golden Tee.

They have honestly the best wings around. So good in fact, we have friends that come back to St. Louis three times a year after having moved to Wichita and always stop at Mulligans for wings, and take some home. I can't even imagine the way their car smells when they get home. Actually I doubt they make it home without eating the wings anyway.

My personal favorite is the Divot (all of the food items have golf related names) which is a huge albacore tuna fillet grilled with sautéed mushrooms and provel cheese on a kaiser roll. Its something that I can only go about two weeks without having to have it again. My wife craves the PGA wrap with their buffalo chicken strips, cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and green onions. When she doesn't do the PGA she does the house salad with their homemade ranch. Simple and delicious.

One of our family's most requested items from Mulligans though is their waffle fries, which really are the best I've ever had.

All of this great food, served in a quaint Pub atmosphere that's super family friendly and served by people that say things like "great to see you guys again" and "welcome back we missed you" make Mulligans a place that my family will always return to.


1) Faraci's Pizza - right in front of Shop and Save in Ellisville
    15430 Manchester Road
    Ellisville, MO

The Faracis; Joe, Dorothy, Vince and Pete are like family to us. We have been regular customers since 1994, eating there every Friday night as a family or with friends and sometimes Saturday too. We bring everyone we know here, especially people that have never had St. Louis style pizza.

Now, if you don't like St. Louis-style pizza they have great pastas a killer house salad, great sandwiches and heck they even have a burger that my picky-ass son loves. But seriously what's wrong with you? St. Louis-style pizza is like heaven and makes Chicago-style look like the overweight, greasy mess it is. Thin crisp crust, provel cheese, square slices, ahh St. Louis style pizza is the best.

The thing though about Faracis Pizza that brings us back is the people, the owners and the staff. They are just really good, friendly, caring people. They love what they do and it shows. The Faraci elders, Joe and Dorothy are there to greet you at the door, ask how your kids are, how's business, how's life, et cetera. While the boys, Vince and Pete, yell "hey guys" from the window between the counter and the kitchen. The wait staff, Rene and Michelle have worked there forever and bring you your usual beverage without having to ask. Its that kind of place. Their back up crew, Tim and Anthony, are right there with whatever you need and are always hustling. And everybody is having fun. Lots of laughs, lots of smiles even when they place is completely full and has a line out the door.

There are other places in the five minute zone that are good too, but these are our favorites. If your favorite is not here, sorry, but feel free to say so. 


With all due respect,
The Chief