The iPad

Well, I'm not the kind to do a lot of dissin' on Apple, but I must say that the release of the iPad to the public was a major disappointment! Apple has done a lot of innovating in the last decade, shit for that matter most of it's existence! This thing, as released is a TURD!! I shall count the ways...
1. No camera! WTF!? That means no video chats or conferences, no photo taking, no video taking, NADA!
2. No app multi-tasking. With a processor this fast it's a waste of resources not to take advantage of that! I'm using X app and want to listen to say Pandora... NOPE! No can to dummy!
3. No true 1080p HD. When you want to watch a movie that's say filmed in 2.35:1, which a lot more theatrical releases are nowadays, you're only gonna take up about half the screen in portrait mode!! BUMMER!
4. No selection of other data carriers. I personally haven't had one problem with AT&T( and I even moved across the country with my first gen, nary a blip in service, except in mountains which I'd expect). I, on the other hand, just in principal don't like seeing any of the cell providers get too big or get a lock on anything!!
FUCK EM!! This is possibly the biggest faux pas on Apple's behalf! A lot of other humans HATE AT&T!!
5. No tactile feedback or more complex Gestures, as can be had on say, the newer MacBooks! Shit! Those even have 3 and 4 finger Gesture support!! LAME!
6. This is just a personal gripe of mine... FUCK E-BOOKS!!! Fuck em all to Hell!! Gearing us up for 

Fahrenheit 451 and shit!! I'd much rather have the ground up, chain sawn down, ozone depleting real thing in my hands! Ever see the e-book selections out there???!!! Hope you like reading the same shit as most everyone else!!

I realize this is merely the opening salvo from Apple, but if'n they don't get their shit together on the next version, it'll be considered a dumb move from many!!

The Price point ain't too bad considering 

it's an APPLE product... At least they got 

that ehhh??

Sorry Apple I still think you got the best products out there. just don't fuck this one up any more than you have.

That's my 6 cents.

AnGRy bRaDY

Real Review - Legion: What A F-ing Waste!

Legion
Directed by Scott Stewart
Written by Peter Schink and Scott Stewart

WorldFullofIdiots Rating:

Saturday my wife and I went to the movies. The plan was to see Daybreakers, the latest vampire movies. It looked good, but apparently its not. Its been out only a few weeks and its already down to one show, at 10pm on the smallest screen in the theater.

So we went for my next choice, another movie that during the trailer I remember saying, "oh fuck that looks goood," Legion.

The plot basics of this movie are nothing new, its about Judgement Day or Armagedeon, or whatever name (insert name of religion here) calls the end of the world at god's hand. The twist this time is that god is mad at us, and decides that he isn't going to put up with any more of our bullshit so he send a legion of angels to earth to kill us all. The crazy thing is that the angels possess our bodies and turn us into evil, flesh eating zombies.

I'm not sure but I think angel-possesion-induced-flesh eating-zombieism is mentioned in Leviticus.

Anyway the deal is that the angels are to wipe us out, buuuuut, god missed something. He didn't remember that this trailer trash little whore in the desert of New Mexico somewhere, is pregnant with what is eluded to be never called the Second Coming.

It's weird that omniscient God missed this. Seemed obvious enough to me within the first 10 minute.

Ok maybe the first 5 minutes.

So he send the Archangel Michael down to kill the mother or the baby or something. Its never really spelled out because before we know what is is supposed to do, we discover that he's not going to do it.

So far, pretty cool. Michael is some dude I've never seen before but he reminds me of whatever that guy's name is that play James Bond now and he seems to be capable of ass kicking.

The movie dissolves to a scene out in the aforementioned desert where the pregnant girl is working as a waitress in a shitty little diner owned by Dennis Quaid. The first and only scary scene in the movies occurs here and you've already seen it. The one with the demon-old lady? Yep that one and its pretty cool, but I had already seen it, for free, in the trailer. Kind of like when you used to by a CD for 14 bucks to later realize the only good song is on the radio, for free.

After this scene the movie begins to suffer from EXTREMELY poor editing. There's a bit where everyone is in a truck trying to get the victim of the old lady to a hospital. They're driving like mad across the desert straight in to a plague of flies. Next scene everyone is back at the diner, like the last 5 minutes never happened, leaving me wondering "how did they get back and who is the shit head that edited this movie?"

Editing is obvious throughout the movie, something that good editing should never be leaving you with several instances asking what just happened. Steven Kemper and the director Scott Stewart need to go back to film school and retake The Art and Craft of Film Editing. UCLA is offering it this spring through their extension campus.

The remainder of the film suffers from overwriting. Each of the characters that are in the diner at the beginning of the movie are given a sappy soliloquy about the tragic life, to the point that you hope the angel-possesion-induced-flesh eating-zombies come and eat them all and get it over with. I think the most memorable line is one delivered by Charles S Dutton playing Percy Walker the amputee fry cook. He tells us that when he was a little boy his daddy used to sit with him before he fell asleep and would ask him if he died in his sleep tonight, would he beproud of what he had done in his life so far, because if not he needs to get square. Or something like that.

At this I turned to my wife and asked, "who the fuck says that to a little kid right before he goes to bed?"

The movie's action and plot follow along a highly predictable formula; tough guy Michael, fights God's other right hand man Gabriel to the finish, saving the trampy waitress and her unborn baby, the diner owners semi-retarded son ends up with the waitress and all the angel/zombies go away and everything is fine.

I guess there is very little originality anymore, and even less in biblical fiction, but come on this was the best they could come up with?

All in all the movies gets a one ass-fist out of five, which means it sucked.

The Chief

Zombies: Way Cooler Than Vampires

"How many hours are in a day when you don't spend half of them watching television?
When is the last time any of us REALLY worked to get something that we wanted?
How long has it been since any of us really NEEDED something that we WANTED?
The world of commerce and frivolous necessity has been replaced by a world of survival and responsibility.
An epidemic of apocalyptic proportions has swept the globe casing the dead to rise and feed on the living.
In a matter of months society has crumbled, no government, no grocery stores, no mail delivery, no cable TV.
In a world ruled by the dead, we are forced to finally start living."


This is the text that appears on the back of every collected volume of The Walking Dead. I challenge you to find a better written book series out there. Far better written than that Twilight crap for 12-year-olds and more suspenseful and engaging than Charlaine Harris' "True Blood" books that seem to be written BY a 12-year-old. The funny thing is, it's not even a novel. It's a monthly B&W comic book.
It is by far, the best thing out there in literature. Yes. Literature.
Now, I'm not going to go into the argument of of great comic books are and how they're under-appreciated blah blah blah. It's all been done. Instead I'm going to give a quick breakdown of the premise of this great book in the hopes that you literary snobs out there will pick up an issue and get hooked.

Officer Rick Grimes is shot on the job. He wakes up from a coma in a hospital months later to find the staff gone and zombies roaming the halls. He sets off to find his wife and son. On his journey he runs into a variety of survivors and forms a group that struggle to stay alive while fighting off the dead, the elements and lack of food. They find that the most dangerous obstacle out there is not the dead but the living.
Not everyone is going to make it and you never know when your favorite character is going to bite the dust. There are constant WTF moments in the book. I have, on occasion, put the book down in disbelief at what just happened. Whether it's a major character getting bit by a zombie, someone getting their hand cut off or some atrocity being committed by people who exist in a world where there is complete anarchy. You will also witness the slow disintegration of a character's decency and sanity while you ask yourself what you would do in the same situation.

The book really pulls you in and gets you involved with the characters, good or bad, and what their fate will be. It's not just the great writing of Robert Kirkman but also the superb, minimalistic art of Charlie Adlard and Cliff Rathburn. Together they are master storytellers who aptly convey the desperation and fear in each character while they drive the story with great panels and a splash page here and there which blows you away with each little reveal.

Right now AMC has ordered a pilot for The Walking Dead TV series. It will swing into production in a couple months. Normally I'd be worried about something that I love so much getting the hollywood treatment but Kirkman will be producing along with Frank Darabont. Frank Darabont is the only guy to successfully adapt Stephen King onto the big screen with The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile and The Mist.

Let's face it folks, the majority of great movies out there these days are pulled from the comic book genre. Maybe it's because Hollywood has finally figured out how to do it right along with the fact that they are running out of good ideas. I'm perfectly fine with that. If they can pull off The Watchmen, Iron Man and 300 there's hope. We just can't forget travesties like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Constantine, Judge Dread, Batman & Robin and Superman III and IV.
So pick up The Walking Dead. It's available in Trade Paperback format, which is how I read it. They collect 6 issues in every trade. Right now it is up to Volume 11. Each trade will run you about 15 bucks. Well worth it. They are readily available at any Barnes and Noble or Borders or better yet, your local comic book store. My only advice: Try to spread them out. I read the first 8 trades over a 4 month period. Now I have to wait 3-4 months for each issue. It's a bit torchoreous.

Turn off your TV and read a book you idiots. It doesn't matter if it has pictures in it. It still counts.


- Darth

Yet Another Piece of Shit Company

In my attempt to expand my home music producing abilities, I purchased the M-Audio w/Pro Tools production suite, a.k.a. Fast Track. I distinctly remember asking the sales person if it was compatible with OS 10.6.2. The reply was YES. 
Off I was to the homestead to configure my new tool. This was a really great deal being that it had Pro Tools bundled, albeit a scaled down version for $99. Following each instruction, I eagerly installed the drivers and configured the hardware. The last step at hand was to install the Pro Tools suite. Insert the disk I did only to wait 45 minutes while the Goddamn load bar stalled at 95%. After an hour and 15 minutes... I get a message from my OS stating that the install failed and to contact the manufacturer. FUCK!
I went to M-Audio's website where I was informed that if I even remotely wanted help, I would have to register my software. ????????? Let's see here, register something I can't even get installed in the first fucking place!! That's classic! 
All of this to ultimately have a stripped down version of ProTools anyway!! 
So, after utilizing all of my options that stood before me, I decide to call M-Audio's tech support, which I wouldn't be able to do unless I had registered the fucking thing I can't use to begin with. I dial the number which just so happens to be some area code I had no knowledge of. Yes!!! Not even a 1-800 number! It was bothersome, but I have some 8000 plus minutes banked and figured what the Hell. As long as I get this resolved I can deal with a few lost cell minutes. And  NO I don't have a land line, so don't go there. I had 45  minutes before I had to pick the wife up from work, being it that I had the day off. Thirty minutes pass, and I listen to neo-techno Muzak! Real Horror Show! I have to go!!! I hop in the car and drive the 15 miles to my woman's work, she gets in and we start heading home. All the while, still on hold! Half way back to the house, dude gets on the line and sounds ever so happy to be working for M-Audio. I tell him my plight, in turn he tells me,"well sir, our site tells you that that particular piece of hardware isn't yet compatible with OS 10.6.2. But if I'd be patient an update should be forthcoming." When? I ask. He didn't know...... S.O.L. I exclaim that that is bullshit and unless you really want to sit down and search their website for an hour to find out it is not compatible with my OS, is really poor customer support and relations.
The long and short of this review and story is, in my humble opinion, DON'T BUY SHIT FROM M-AUDIO!!! Unless you appreciate being treated like a piece of human rubbish!! Die a quick death M-Audio or work like Hell on your customer support!!!

Pat Robertson - 1st Candidate for Biggest Idiot of 2010

If you are not familiar with Pat Robertson, please let me introduce him. Pat is the head of the Christian Broadcasting Network and the creator of the 700 Club. You know the 700 Club, the scary christian propaganda machine that brought us Jim and Tammy Fae Baker.

Pat also created the CBN News, which as Darth pointed out to me is ridiculous in that the news is supposed to be unbiased.

Funny,right? Unbiased news. Unbiased as in Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, Bill O'Reilly unbiased. Sorry, but unbiased news is about as real as Santa, virgin births and clean politicians. No such thing.

Pat has a history of making wonderfully stupid statements during the weekly addresses to his flock. Time Magazine has created a list of the Greatest Pat Robertson gaffes, so I won't recreate it here, but I want to point out the two that I am most fond of.

In 2005 good old Pat said that god allowed and caused hurricane Katrina to kill nearly 2500 people and decimate New Orleans as punishment for allowing a Supreme Court Justice nominee (John Roberts) who promised to uphold Roe v. Wade to be appointed to the highest court in the Land.

He said god punished the United States for supporting the right to choose and killed 2500 people to prove his point. Nice.

In 1992, Iowa was voting on an equal rights amendment (the last state in the Union to do so) and Patty pleaded with Iowans to ban together to stop the vote saying that he would do anything in his power to rid this country of women's equality. He went as far as a public plea on the 700 Club to ask people to donate money to an organization against the movement, the "Stop ERA" group. He penned a letter to supporters saying that feminist movement was "a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

I wonder if people remember the things he has said and done. I don't think so.

That's why I'm writing this.

You gotta love a f*cking nut! However this time he has really gone way off the deep end. This time he has mocked the tragic death of thousands and thousands of people in the name of BULLSHIT religion.

On January 13th, 2010 this lunatic said, "[The Haitians] were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal [...] ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other."

He goes on to add that the earthquake is just one of many retributive actions by his god against Haiti for their satanic contract.

I am all for First Amendment rights and would never sanction censorship or punitive action against someone for making a public statement that I didn't agree with, but SOMEONE NEEDS TO KICK HIS ASS.

The scary thing is that people actually believe and follow his bullshit. People you know, be sure of it. These are dangerous mother f*ckers.

They are just like the Taliban in Afghanistan, make no mistake. The Religious Right, the Southern Baptist and and the Evangelicals are no different in its intolerance, ignorance, fanaticism or oppression than the pricks our men and women in uniform are trying to root out of the mountains in Central Asia. They only differ in that they are Americans, who are too lazy and comfortable to do anything crazy like blow themselves up, at least not yet.

Don't be fooled though, these groups are full of nuts and horrors like the Oklahoma City bombing could happen again. These American Talibani feel their grip on this country slipping away eventually one of them will do something stupid.

Don't misunderstand me though; I don't think that conservatives are crazy and I don't hate Republicans, I just don't like religious zealots and hate-mongers like Robertson. Religion is a bad thing. If you don't believe me, look around you and tell me which conflicts that we are in right now don't have a basis in religion. Or take a perusal through your world history book and count the number of wars that have been waged in the name of some f*cking god or another.

BTW: Before anyone sends me an email to correct my mis-capitalization of "god" and "satan", don't bother. Its deliberate.

With all due respect,
The Chief

AT&T Double NAT Blues

I sit here tonight after one of the toughest, crumbiest, craptabulous, weeks in recent memory belting out my newest post from my phone, which is no easy task! After being sick, depressed, alienated at work, and getting a back injury trying to help a guy in a wheelchair down the stairs, only to get home and have more Goddamn network problems!!! Sometimes it feels as though it may be more than I can handle!
I realize people get sick. I don't handle it too well. I realize people sometimes get down. I don't handle that too well. I realize work a lot of times sucks. I don't handle that well. I realize trying to help others out can lead to personal harm to ones self. I'm ok with that. Regardless of my online persona, I honestly like helping others. But when a major corporation keeps fucking up a service I pay hard earned money for, I not only don't handle that well, It makes me want to eat the CEO of the offending company's heart for breakfast,with a side of chittlings culled from the Swine-like junior executives of said company!!!
The problem is that, especially with Internet service, the company ALWAYS wants to pass the fucking buck because of all of the inborn variables involved with such a service! I fully understand that most people that they deal with are ignorant in terms of computing and network communications. I am not! I refuse to be treated as such from "Bob", from middle-Dehli/America! Jim Goad is right!! We should be out sourcing people and importing jobs! Preferably starting from top down!!
SCREW IT!!! I'M GONNA HOOK UP MY ROUTER BACKWARDS AND BREAK THE INTERWEBS!!! That's all I got for now! I'm tired.
Angry Brady

Beati pacifici

A Parenting Lesson for Sports Fans - Tiger, Mark and Vic

Fathers for decades, possibly centuries, have taken their sons and daughters to games, read to them from the sports page and watched with them their heros on TV. These children learn at a very tender age that these athletes are not mere mortals but gods worthy of celebration and worship. Fathers tell stories of the greats from their childhood with both reverence and nostalgia; lifting the old-timers to nearly mythological greatness and illustrate how the new guys learned from them.

Which is most definitely true. The sports heros of today have taken many pages from the play books of yesteryear, some pages filled with great talent and others with philandery, excess and debauchery. The benefit that guys like Mantle, Chamberlin and Ruth had was that the media didn't have the access to their lives like today and their management maintained a better grip on them. It didn't come out until the latter days of the 20th century that the Babe was a ranging drunk, a fan of cocaine and physically abusive to his wives; a true degenerate's degenerate. Mickey Mantel was a drunk and a womanizer of the highest order. He would probably have been called a sex addict if he were alive today, along with Wilt Chamberlin.  Not to mention that nearly 4 in 10 prominent sports figures in the last 20 years have been arrested or at least stopped for drunk driving.

But does anybody really remember these facts when they reminisce about these sports legends? No, I don't think so. Does grandpa think back to what an inspiration the Babe was? Sure but does he'll tell you about the time he bet his second wife so bad that she was hospitalized for a week? Doubtful.

Now though, that's all gone. The Age of Heros has ended and all we are left with is plain old, fucked up people that are exposed to excesses and temptations beyond that which the rest of us ever see. So fathers don't build these guys up to your kids anymore because when they screw up, and the eventually all do, your kid might just be young enough to think it was cool as opposed to stupid and therefore draw the conclusion that drug abuse and adultery are behaviors to be celebrated. Or when they are older and their favorite bat jockey gets busted in a kiddy porn ring, there will be days of disillusionment followed by a deep sense of loss; the loss of childhood heros and of something to aspire to. Instead teach them to enjoy the game, have fun and try hard and remember that most of those guys on the TV screen are just overpaid idiots that got lucky.

I really don't get all the deification anyway. Are there no other people to look up to anymore? The best our culture has to offer are now guys that throw or hit something for a living? How about leaders in field that actual improve our lives? Like the people discovering cures for diseases, pioneering space travel and developing things like Twitter and eBay? Do you know their names? No, of course not, they're not sports figures. They haven't been pulled over for drunk driving and arrested for shooting someone in a bar...yet.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Big F-cking Shock - Mark McGwire Took Steroids

Really.

No shit.

I had no idea, I mean, his Popeye arms and Conan jaw never tipped me off.

First, I don't get why Major League Baseball and the FDA feel the need to regulate steroid use. Who cares? If I want to inject shit into my body that makes me big but also makes my nuts shrink and my hair fall out, why stop me. Besides baseball is entertainment, its nothing more. And as you know, entertainers all do drugs.

Shut up. Whoever you just thought of and said, "So and So doesn't do drugs..." does drugs. It may not be heroine or LSD, but I guarantee you they smoke pot to unwind or do some kind of stimulant to keep up their energy on tour or drink to excess after a show or game.

They all do drugs, but for once the drug Mark McGwire was doing actually enhanced his performance. Even I, as a dyed in the wool baseball HATER, thought he was kick ass. And make no mistake, he would have been just another big, goofing look player with bad acne scars had he not hit the bovine growth hormone.

Fortunately, I did not watch his interview wherein he confesses to steroid use. It would have just been time wasted. I didn't need the admission, I don't think anyone did. I surely didn't need to see the clip on this mornings news in which his voice cracks and his lip quivers. I don't give two rats asses about Mark McGwire, but I definitely don't need to see him pretend to cry and ask to be forgiven.

The American baseball fans need to ask themselves a few questions; Didn't you enjoy watching him hit number 63, Didn't he do it for your benefit and Is he really sorry. My guess is their answers will be yes, yes, and no.

With all due respect,
The Chief

Good Riddance Christmas!

I don't know about you but I am thrilled that the holidays are finally over.
I'm certainly no Scrooge but, really, I'm glad that sh*t is over.
Why?
The reasons are too numerous and we've covered a few of them already. Namely, peoples' lame-ass inflatable yard decorations and lights.
Here's a few others.

Christmas Cards.
OK folks. Only send these if they are a regular Christmas card that has a short, personalized inscription.
DO NOT send Christmas cards that are just a lame picture of your kids.I was over at a friend's house and noticed the abundance of tacky Christmas cards. There's your typical family portrait ones. That's OK. No big deal. But guess what? I don't want to see pictures of just your kids on the front. If they're my relatives. Barely appropriate.
My beef is when you send a pretentious POS card that has photos of your kids engaged in polo, football or swimming. WHO CARES? Face it; no one likes your kids as much as you do.
These are very typical "Look-At-Me" people.
And don't send Christmas letters. Get on Facebook and update people that way, you narcissist.

Cookie Parties.
Don't do these anymore. A group of wives will bake cookies and get together and trade them off. No one ever makes them as good as you. If there was a guy version of this and the dudes brought beer you would be the one bringing the fancy imported sh*t and everyone else would bring Miller Light and PBR.
I take it back. Men respect each other more than that.

Gifts.
Admit it. Your gifts suck every year since you've been a grown-up/parent. As much thought that your spouse or kids FEEL they have put into your gift it will NEVER come close to the AT-AT your parents (Santa) got you when you were 9.

Politically Correct "Happy Holidays" Crap
It's Christmas, people. I'm far from being a christian but I agree that the season needs to be called Christmas. I'm not offended if the checkout person says "Merry Christmas." Anyone who doesn't recognize this as Christmas just stay home. Screw Kwanzaa and Hanukkah. Those are separate, and let's face it, one is just made up.I'm sure I'll expand this list next Christmas. After all, I'm getting more negative and crotchety in my old age.

'til next time, you whipper-snappers!

-Darth

Tiger Woods, Brit Hume and Why Christians Get Off the Hook

Tiger Woods. You know the name right? Possibly the greatest golfer to ever play the game, at least the most celebrated. Even if you don't follow golf though I'm sure you also by now you have read that Tiger is a major poon hound. At last count, he has cheated on his wife with 16 women, some of whom he has maintained relationships with for years.

Not bad for a funny looking dude with a stupid name that looks like a cross between Webster and Alvin the Chipmunk.

Adultery is bad. Especially when you are a major repeat offender, but I don't recall ever hearing that Tiger was beating up his wife, or his kids or his girlfriends. I also don't remember reading that he was a drug addict or that he has sexually harassed anyone, like say RUSH LIMBAUGH OR BILL O'REILLY. Actually it would appear that the ladies like Tiger's wood.

It occurs to me that the only crimes that Tiger has committed are trying to be too squeaky clean and not being a Christian. At least that is my interpretion of the bullshit that Brit Hume spewed on Fox News a few days ago when asked if he thought Tiger would emerge from all the controversy.

In case you missed it here's the clip, wherein Brit says "He's said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. So my message to Tiger would be, 'Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.'"





Its interesting that Brit Hume feels that once Tiger is forgiven and redeemed by Jesus that all the pain and embarrassment he has caused his wife and family vanish.

That is what I love about Christians, you can do f-ing anything and as long as you say your sorry to Jesus its OK. No problem. Kill some guy and steal his car? "I'm sorry Jesus," and its over like it didn't even happen. They sell out their whole concept of punishment and reward by saying that if you do something really bad but you're sorry, you won't have to go to hell. You still get into heaven, because you're sorry.
Reminds me of an old Steve Martin bit where he says that there are two words in the English language that can relieve you of any responsibility for anything you may ever do, "I forgot." As in "I forgot armed robbery was illegal, or I forgot to pay my taxes." I don't think Steve meant it and I doubt if Jesus did either.

I bet if you ask his wife, she'd probably not just forget the whole thing as long as Jesus said it was OK with him. You see the problem is that Elin and Tiger and you and I and Brit Hume and all the miserable prols you see everyday, we all live in the real world and even if you say your sorry to someone that you can't see, all the stupid shit you did was still done and the results are real, tangible and irreversible. All the "I'm sorry"'s and Hail Marys do not change the fact that you screwed up and real people with real live have to deal with it.

Once humanity gets passed deities and demigods and accepts the fact the we are all stewards of our own lives and that in order to be happy we have to NOT take happiness away from other or they will do it to us idiots like Brit and Rush will not just get away with it because they kneel at the right alter.


With all due respect,
The Chief