Since this is the cover page I had to truncate the title due to filtering. You get the gist.
After spending a weekend "out of town" I encountered more than my share of douchebags.
The wife and I (sorry ladies, I'm taken) took a winery trip with 7 other couples and I've made a few observations while getting drunk.
Here's the short list:
Douchebag Bartender
Who hasn't ran into one of these idiots?
You know who I'm talking about. This is the guy who's way too cool to be popping caps off your bottle.
And then taking your money.
This weekend I was at a winery (some of them are serving micro brews.) and my buddies and I move up to the bar and order our overpriced beers and the guy could care less.
My buddy, Mr. Affliction, pays for a round with his plastic. The bartender runs his card, turns around and flings it onto the bar then slaps the receipt and the pen loudly on the bar. WTF?
So I call him out for being an asshole and he just tells us he loves his job.
Guess what dude. You're a fucking bartender. Get my beer, pop the top, take my money and get lost.
Better yet, get that hot piece of ass bartender to serve our swill.
Somewhat Hot Bartender
First off. Let's not confuse this bartender with the cute bartender that you get in Soulard who's fun and will show her tits and give you free drinks and is good for a laugh.
These are the ones that, like the douchebag, are way too important to be there serving you drinks. She's kinda cute but made cuter by serving you alcohol.
You know how when you see a cute girl out and she's with a total tool? Here's where they are when their jobless Camaro-with-T-Tops-driving boyfriend is home playing Xbox.
I'm just there to get buzzed and hang out. Be nice. Not everyone is trying to get in your pants.
Oh yeah, if you have to tell her how to make a drink and she says "I'm not stupid, you know..." that's a sign that she is, indeed, stupid.
Pretentious Wine Connoisseur
Who hasn't waited at the tasting bar of a winery behind or next to this guy?
Wine is complex. I get it.
I just like a dry, leggy wine that I can enjoy while hanging with friends while having an interesting conversation.
But this guy has to take forever plunging his nose into the glass, swishing the wine as he tastes it and makes all those asinine comments about balance, bouquet and finish. I'm betting this guy thinks he is Paul Giamatti from Sideways.
You know what, come during the week and get out the way. It's obvious you don't work anymore.
20-Something Drinkers at Wineries
This is Douchey McDouche with the backwards (or slightly off-kilter) baseball cap who should not be at the Wine Garden.
He is typically drinking from the wine bottle and referring to his frat-boy buddies as "bro."
You can typically catch this guy at your local winery during Octoberfest.
And then there's this guy:
What more needs to be said.
-Darth Taco
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