Ha Ha! Your Kid's in Jail!!

I hate celebrities. I don't care who you are. I relish in your downfall. There are few exceptions.

This week I'd like to pick on Michael Douglas.
You see, his son, Cameron, was just sentenced to 5 years in prison for dealing Meth and possessing Heroin.

This grabbed my attention a couple of days ago when I was reading the news on my phone and ran across the story entitled "Michael Douglas asks judge for mercy". Hmmm...click!
The story opens with Michael stating that "his family's fame and history of substance abuse helped drive his son into drug addiction and crime" and that "he didn't want to see him break." He also mentions "the pressure of finding your own identity with a famous father."

Is There a Cardiologist in the House?

So my wife totally f#cked up dinner.
It's an unseasonable chilly day in April and my wife and I are discussing what we're going to have for dinner. She's at the store. I'm still at work.
Chili.
What sounds better than that? Chili with Fritos, cheese and diced onions. What a perfect comfort food for a dreary day. Something to look forward to.
15 minutes from home I get the call.
No chili. She swore we had plenty at home so she didn't buy any. She got home to find ONE can. Turkey Chili. So she tells me she made it, added some more beans and tomato sauce and I'm not going to like it.
Long story short. I'm disappointed. I'm not eating that sh!t so we go out.

KFC sounds good. So we go to KFC (Formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken because "Fried" has become a bad word).
On our way in my wife points out the newest sensation: The Double Down. She goads me to try one. If it's horrible I can write about it to the idiots who peruse this site.
For those of you who don't know what the Double Down is here you go:

Goo-Googled

I'm not sure if anyone paid attention to word that Google got haXXord a few months back, purportedly by someone in China or quite possibly China itself. No big things happened we were told. Funny that Google asked the NSA for assistance in the matter, which is kinda like having the fox guard the chicken coop!
Two days ago Google came clean and said that its prized "Gaia" authentication program had in fact been also compromised. This is potentially a HUGE fucking deal for not only the self described " ad agency", but even more so for the end user! People that bank, pay credit cards, apply for home loans, and generally store WAY more info online than they should will potentially suffer the most.
This is why I have abandoned my gmail account. It's not shut down...YET. Oh no, I left some nice little surprises in there for the Shemp-witted Spambots and real live Spammers to deal with. I hope they like infinite loops!! Fuck sticks!
The news that was reported wasn't what tipped me off that something was going seriously awry in Goinkleland. It was of course the MASSIVE amounts of spam I had within the last couple of weeks had just started to receive. When I say massive I'm talking in the vicinity of 25-75 separate pieces of spam a day!! I have had this account since 2001 and never got this kind of spam! I've had several filters in place on top of that! NO...I'm not perusing porn sites or signing up for every piece of shit website I see!! I have other mail accounts for that kind of nefarity anyway ;-)!!!

Work

Well it's been awhile since I've posted... That's because I've been working like it's going out of style, and it's long ago become 1994, Everlast workout pant wearing, neon armed glasses sporting ass hole-ery for Angry! Working is one of those necessary evils, I understand. But this is ridiculous!!!
My boss, who's only there 2 days a week anyway, had a massive heart attack about 4 weeks ago. So, the only other guy that works with me, also 2 days a week, have much more on our plates. I am the only full time guy... Needless to say, when the bossman's heart throttled this ass, who took charge?? Not the guy (me) who he hired to take his place, but the guy that also works 2 days a week! Not that I mind not being in charge: I just don't like being told what my priorities should be by a guy that is only there a couple of days a week and has continued to state he wouldn't want my boss's job. Now he has been there much longer than I, but that's why I was told I was being hired!
That all being said Angry is completely drained and exhausted...
I will have more posts to come. I have also been doing some electronic music experimentation, and building a website that I will be able to host my creations, free for download and licensed under Creative Commons, so that anyone (except Mondo-corporations and their lackeys) can remix/alter/sample or just fucking delete if so inclined. That's that!
Hope you all have fun out there in Big Bad Web-Land!
As #6 says in the Prisoner, "Be seeing you".
ANGRY BRADY

Louis Letterier Raped My Childhood (A Clash of the Titans Review)

It's been a while since we've done a movie review. This means either we haven't been to the movies much or we've had pretty good luck with seeing good movies. This all ends after seeing Clash of the Titans.

Let's start off with me pointing out that I thought the original from 1980 was a great film. It was perhaps the last movie to depend on stop-motion and was the last Ray Harryhausen film. For those of you who don't know who Ray Harryhausen is, he was responsible for such classics as Jason and the Argonauts, Mighty Joe Young, Mysterious Island and the Sinbad movies.

Now, does the original stand up to the test of time? Sure, it's outdated but it had some charm to it. This update doesn't. I'm sure some of you will disagree, but you know what? You're idiots. I'm sure you're going to say how great and realistic the special effects are but really, they're just more of that over-CG'd bullshit. But I digress.

PLOT
Let's talk plot. The plot in this new version barely resembles the original. The character names are the same but they are mixed throughout the film and have different relations to each other than the original. Of course, Perseus is here, Andromeda, Cassiopeia, Pegasus, Medusa. The Gods are present: Zeus, Poseidon, Hades. Wait. Hades? Hades wasn't in the first one. Is this a bad thing? Yeah. It's the shittiest plot point in the film.

CAST

Guess who plays Hades? Voldemort. I mean Ralph Fiennes. But in this movie he gets to have hair and a nose. Totally unnecessary character in the film. I guess the director had the same coupon that Speilberg had for Schindler's List and Ralph Fiennes just came with Liam Neeson.
Speaking of Mr. Neeson. He's too recognizable to play Zeus. The entire time I was thinking "Liam Neeson needs a paycheck." Did he not have life insurance on his wife?
(low. I know even for me.)

Sam Worthington. Why does everyone think this guy is the next big thing? He was OK in Avatar, but really? Did he make the movie? No. The blue people, monsters and 3D did.
In Clash of the Titans he barely masks his atrocious Australian accent. He even had the same haircut he had in Avatar and Terminator: Salvation. Maybe this guy awesome like everyone says but I don't see it. McLovin' could have done a better job.

The other actors were just as replaceable. Granted the chick playing Andromeda was attractive but they weren't anywhere near as hot as the original actress. Maybe I'm just partial to the original actress because she was the first naked woman I ever saw at the age of ten.

A new character they added is Io, played by Gemma Arterton. She acts as the guide and is somewhat obnoxious. Not by her presence or lines but by her voice. This has to be one of the worst overdubs in film history. You shouldn't be able to tell that an actor re-records lines in a studio after everything is shot. Obvious.

All the other actors suck. Not worth mentioning.

THE 3D
Don't waste your time. The 2 minute preview of Step It Up 3D had more impressive 3D effects than this entire film. You could tell that the 3D was an afterthought because it was just lame. I want my extra $4.00 back. The movie was supposed to come out over a month ago but they saw the success of Avatar and thought they would jump on the bandwagon. There were probably a few cool 3D shots but I can't remember them. I do remember that the front of Liam Neeson's head was in 3D. Terrible.

THE CREATURES
Ok. This movie has a better Kraken. Of course you know that already because it was way overexposed in every trailer and commercial. It was a major selling point.

Pegasus was black and lame. In the original Perseus had to capture the horse and break it. In this he just walks up to it and pets it in the woods, it flies off to return when Perseus needs a ride towards the end of the film. Shocker. Pegasus is basically the token black character in the film. Off set it wears those lame Kanye shades.

The Stygian witches are grosser of course. They look more alien than witchy.
Charon the Boatman was kinda cool but not as creepy as the original "skeleton in a robe."
Hey Hollywood, do you have to overdesign everything?

Calibos is a very minor character. Could have skipped him altogether. In the original he was a major player who you hated but pitied. In this version if you blinked you didn't even know where he came from.

The Giant Scorpions were pretty cool but when the fight scene was going on you could barely tell what was going on. This is another shitty trend that Hollywood has taken on. Fight scenes that happen really close up so that you can't really tell what's happening. Gladiator was one the first movies to do this. Crappy action. Zoom out!

Finally, there's Medusa. I'm torn on this one. The new version was pretty cool. But of course it was way obvious that she was CG. Did the special effects guys even try to make her look real? She was similar to the original but she only turned ugly when she gazed at you and turned you to stone. That's fine. The Medusa scene was probably the highlight of the movie. But again, the original scene when they confront her in her lair is way more intimidating.

Good news though, Bubo the Owl did manage to make an appearance in the 2010 remake. Here's the scene:
Our heroes are equipping themselves to go on their quest. As they begin to leave Perseus hears hooting and clicking coming from the a trunk. He opens it and pulls out the mechanical owl who is perched on a branch. Perseus asks the leader, "What's this?" The leader replies, "Nothing. Leave it." Perseus drops it back in the trunk and leaves.
Louis Letterier (the director) to Ray Harryhausen: "Fuck you Ray, it's my movie now."

Don't bother. It sucked.

- DARTH

Reader Submission - Resist and Refuse, by Dr. Neil Wollman, Ph.D.

This reader submission came to us via email on April 8th. Dr Wollman is a Senior Fellow at the Bentley Alliance for Ethics and Social Responsibility; Bentley University; Waltham, MA. Hopefully Dr. Wollman will share more of his resume with us later.

Resist and Refuse
The Health Care Bill: Real Patriots Taking Real Actions Against ObamaCare

I'm tired of my fellow anti-ObamaCare folks complaining, but not really doing anything about the new law. Let’s not be hypocritical like my Republican brethren who complained about the Obama economic stimulus plan and then praised themselves for getting money and helping their states. The health care bill is a disaster and I’m not going to just shout at a few demonstrations and wait till it’s repealed.
Instead of “Repeal and Replace” the bill as suggested by Republican lawmakers, let’s “Resist and Refuse” the bill and not abide by it’s socialist and dictatorial control of citizens and the insurance industry. I don’t trust the Republicans either and as long as Barrack Hussein Obama is President, the bill will never be repealed anyway. So let’s fight it with all the weapons we can muster. I was going to call it “Reload and Refuse” like my sister Sarah Palin might do, but then our opponents would say I was provoking violence when they’re just dead wrong.
Let me highlight one example of what’s wrong with the bill and what I’m going to do. I have teenagers in my household and have heard that I can now keep them on my insurance plan till they’re 26 years old. Well, I don’t intend to. When they reach the age when I previously would have had to put them on new plans for themselves, I will. It’s just the right thing to do because that’s what the insurance companies have always insisted. Keeping my kids on my insurance plan is just another part of the Nanny state liberals want to foist upon us. It’s creeping socialism. First it’s up to age 26. Then it’s age 30 and who knows where it will end—maybe where all families will just always be covered by insurance forever! Health care just won’t be valued as much when everyone has it. And that’s the evil of socialism, telling you that you have to be able to get health care; which brings me to the blatantly unconstitutional mandate that everyone has to get health insurance. Sure, some will say that everyone has to pay for Social Security out of their paychecks. Well, people can just decide not to work. That solves that problem.
I feel the same way about other parts of this bill, which can only be labeled as terrorist in nature since it’s the worst attack we have experienced since 9-11. If insurance companies try to raise rates and are stopped because of the new law, I intend to pay what they requested. If I change insurance plans, don’t expect me to ask to be covered for any pre-existing conditions. And I can fill in any prescription drug “dough-nut holes” myself, thank you.
Anyway, it’s all a plot to hurt insurance companies that are just practicing free enterprise capitalism. I don’t want a government take-over of my health and life (and one-sixth of the economy), so I am just not going to let that happen. I will take advantage of what insurance companies used to offer and know that they are looking after my best interests. And it’ll put a few extra bucks in their pockets during these difficult times for all.
Maybe some day the whole bill will be repealed. But until then, I will fight it and hope that all patriotic Americans will join me. We have the best health care system in the world right now, so why make changes, right? And after we win this battle, we will take on Medicare and Social Security in the same way—until everyone has to fend for themselves, the way it ought to be. That's what made America great.
(This is, of course, a satire and fictionalized account, but the issues covered are very real.) Neil Wollman; Ph. D.; Senior Fellow, Bentley Alliance for Ethics and Social Responsibility; Bentley University; Waltham, MA, 02452

Time To Dye The Jesus Eggs, Again

Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote a piece with nearly the same title. This was a different website then, with a different name and look, but the sentiment of this article echos that of its predecessor.

What the f&ck do rabbits and eggs have to do with the resurrection of the most famous jew in history?

The simple answer is, i think, obvious. Nothing. But the actual answer is a bit more complicated and drives right to the heart of what makes me nuts about religions.

Most of the people that are reading this probably already know much of what I'm going to write here, but for those of the newly initiated, let me lay it out for you.

The name Easter is derived from the Anglo-Saxon word Eostre, which was the name of the goddess of renewal and her celebration timed in junction with the vernal (spring) equinox. There are many conflicting analyses of the exact date of the resurrection, but most put it somewhere around our April 28th CE 31; which is actually 28 days after "Easter" that year. Jesus also did not rise from the dead on a Sunday morning as your preacher would tell you during his Easter Morning Service since he is said to have risen "As the sun was about to set, ending a Saturday Sabbath, the women were at the city gate and prepared to exit as soon as the new week dawned, which is when the Sabbath travel restrictions ended" Matthew 28:2. (That will be the one and only time you'll see a bible quote on these pages)

Easter bunnies are obvious I think, especially when you consider that the entire holiday was lifted from pagan traditions. There are countless pagan traditions wherein the vernal equinox is celebrated as a time of fertility and renewal and what's more fertile than a rabbit?

Easter eggs, obvious connection to new life, fertility and renewal. Pagans dyes eggs and hung them from Maypoles during their spring rites and the Zoroastorians have painted eggs for their New Year for more than 2500 years. More Christian holiday highjacking. A few hundred years after the establishment of the Christian church, the orthodox Christians did began dying eggs red to symbolize the blood Jesus shed on the cross; really a fun bunch those Christians!

Chocolate bunnies, et al. good marketing by Hershey and Faberage.

What you should draw from all of this is that the Christians didn't have a celebration for their resurrection. They had to steal other religions ideas. Interesting and typically Christian.

One last though on Easter eggs and bunnies and chocolates, isn't there a prohibition in the bible against idolatry? Just asking.

With All Due Respect,
The Chief