Misadventures in the Land of Simpletons

In an attempt at a possible ongoing series, I bring the reader some of

my experiences at my place of employment.

This particular story has to do with the Christmas preparations at

said employer, which are not only over the top, but understandibly

necessary for this particular place. What is not necessary are the

crazy and outright incompetent and dangerous levels to which some here

are willing to go to, just to celebrate their Lords birthday! I don't

know, maybe they want to visit with him sooner rather than later.

Because I'm mobile and don't have much time today, and of course I

don't want everyone to think Angry has " left the building " for good,

I give you this teaser to chew on for the day. See if you can guess

what dull-wittery is ocurring...

Until later... Peace.

Beati pacifici

More Misadventures Part 2:

So,  being at home now and being able to at least partially think and relax, I've decided to give you all a few more tidbits as to this Disaster in the Making...

Toes at the top of a 5ft. ladder are definitely NOT OSHA approved!





300-400lb manger scenes should most likely NOT be rested on a marble handrail, with merely a smidgeon of that scene being supported by said handrail. It's probably an even worse idea to have the rest of this potential, extremity crusher/ life ender sitting on a folding table that also happens to be around 3 inches shorter than the marble rail! And never a worse scenario be had when the very dim idea comes about to rest that behemoth on 2 small 2"x 6" pieces of well worn 2x4's, and some duct tape folded 4 times as a shim, as a finishing touch!!! :-0


All of this pales in comparison to the over-all placement, planning and stunning execution of this disaster in the making, ultimately of which, I regret to inform, I cannot show more pic's of, as it would reveal too many of those that I work with. This would of course set them up for understandable ridicule, and possibly serious thought by some, as to severing the passage of D.N.A. to the next generation, there-by pruning bloodlines for the benefit of millions to come!!

The entire process was not only quizzical for yours truly, but bafflingly ig-moronic! So much so that I laughed almost uncontrollably the entire time. Ever mindful was I, not to get too close or sneeze too hard! There were at least two trees, the highest and second highest, that were on tables too small for the feet to rest four feet squarely. The hyper-intelligent decision was made to shove a hammer handle under the two feet that hung off the very top tree, I assume trying to negate laws of physics and for sure laws pertaining to safety or concern for fellow biped's. I must say that this one, I absolutely could not let fly!!
The amount of numb-skullery that occurred that day could make an entire library of safety videos, and would take far too long to describe to go any further...

As you may now see, these are my dealings on a daily basis. This is why it MUST be recorded for posterity and will become a semi-regular feature from yours truly...
ANGRY brady

Christmas Lights - The Lame, The Tacky and The Just Plain Creepy

Last night my family and I drove around our general area to enjoy the local Christmas light displays. This is something that we do every year, at least a couple times, while typically eating some ice cream. Why ice cream and Christmas lights? I don't know, why not?

Most of our time is spent singing made up lyrics to the Christmas songs that are playing on the radio like "Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way, oh what pain it is to go with them left loose to sway-ay!", and making fun of people stupid inflatable shit.

Since my kids are pretty snarky like me, fun is had by all. Even though my wife doesn't make funny of anyone herself, she does appreciate our humor.

Our favorite display style to make fun of is those which contain more than one inflatable or animatronic. Usually people that have more than one of either have multiples of both, which creates a sort of creepy scifi Christmas at the droid factory / Christmas in the land of misfit toys look.

I know people put this shit in their yard to entertain their kids, but it does spread joy to guys like me as well. The joy of making fun of what a mockery they have turned Christmas into. Just how many semi-inflated snowmen and robotic Rudolfs do you need to get into Heaven anyway Jesus?

Most people put lights in their trees, around their bushes, their front doors, maybe down the drive way like some kind of fucking landing strip (which I totally don't get; probably the same people who as kids drew stick figures). Some folks do blinking lights and icicle lights on the house and eaves, but some people just have no taste.

At all.

Like the ass-wipe that puts five different colors of lights all over his yard then uses net lights on the bushes to get that whole "fish net Christmas" thing and finishes it off with the creepy three candles with the orange flames in the windows. You know the ones that they USED to sell in the 70's, that they must have either kept when their grandmother passed away or bought at a garage sale.

Or the people that run three strands of multi-colored lights around on goddamn straggly ass tree in their yard, in front of their 8,000 square foot three story. Come on douche, like you could afford another box of lights?

But aside from the tacky and creepy there are two displays that I totally want to get out and knock over. The first is the manger scene. I don't care that Christmas is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus. Especially since he wasn't born in December anyway. The manger is creepy. Bunch of fucking bearded dudes with hooks standing around looking at a baby while his mother tries to cover him up and the step father collects the gifts all in a horse stall with hay everywhere and farm animals milling about, probably lamb shit all over the place. Creepy.

The second display that makes me want to get out of the car, knock on the door and ask the douche bag who put it up to take it down is the strand of white lights up a pole with a half-ass star on top. Too religious, not fun, not Christmasy, all it lacks is an inflatable Pope in front of it.

Finally, what is the deal with LED lights? They are so frigging bright that it hurst my eyes and who the hell pays $11 for a strand of 100 lights, when I can get a strand of 100 regular lights for $3? In the words of Charlie Brown, Good Grief! Give that extra Christmas light money to the bell ringer Griswold!

With all due respect,
The Chief

Nuttin' Wrong Here Ma'!!

I know that a lot of people think I wear my tinfoil hat 24/7/365. I'm happy for you, if you may be one of those people I will say to you, keep downing those Twinkies, trusting those in authority (they would never lie to you!), salivating while watching, what some call news, hoping the Bryl Cream coiffed robot shuts up so you can just get to what's really important!! SPORTS! And just being an all around good consumer! "Drink up! Happy hour is now enforced by law!"

I have a true story...

Last weekend, my lovely wife and I were out and about wasting some time. We happened to be driving East on Wabash a.k.a. McCausland. We headed under hwy. 44 at the River DePew, when my wife said something about there being a strange color coming from what she believed was said river. At the next available opportunity I had a brief glance. To my surprise the river was definitely in a state that was shocking, even for River Desperes. I whipped the car around and looked for a place to park. We got out of the car and both took out our cameras and started to shoot. I took 3 pictures and my wife took 3-5.So, what's so strange you say? What would make Angry stop, park, and photograph a miserable open pit sewer...Erh, sorry, river?! Well the river was somewhere between the color of human blood and maroon!! Not just a light tinge either. As far as the eye could see N.E. to S.W. was this strange site.

Returning home I sent some friends some of the pic's (yes Angry has friends, and not always angry with them either). It was suggested I contact someone in the news media, a person that a friend knew and had dealt with many times. So I did. After several days of on again off again exchanges it was off, officially. No they wouldn't do the story, it was explained, rather sheepishly I might add. So I sent them to the other corporate mouth-pieces known as our local news channels. None responded immediately. Someone known fairly well to most that peruse the morning news finally did. It was about my picture not coming through and to please resend. I graciously complied, and heard nothing for a couple of days, so I emailed back to see where the 'Story' stood. I was informed, before any investigation was done to my knowledge that it was probably MSD and their use of tracing dye. I heard nothing more until a friend called and asked if those were my pictures that showed up on the local morning newscast! He said it was a blurb about the River Desperes and some pic's. Nothing more...The less important fact here is that no one contacted me to say "Hey dummy! We're gonna run that story. or, Can we use those pic's? or, Better look out cause the Illuminati knows you know!"

The most important fact is that to my knowledge there has been no explanation!! Someone can correct me if I'm wrong with one big caveat... If that explanation involves MSD and there harmless 'dye', well you can save it and go back to watching "Goose-stepping With The Stars", or what ever mindless drivel you partake of. Tell you what. I'll let the reader be the judge if all of this is something that looks harmless. Trust me, I've seen these "dye tests" that MSD does and I've never seen anything like this. That would have to be a lot of Goddamn dye. Hope no one's eating Channel Cat or Carp.
CLICK PICTURES FOR A FULL VIEW

100% Compatibility - Microsofts' Ransom Note

I hate Microsoft. Lets just get that out of the way.
Actually thats not accurate, I hate Windows. I actually really like Office, but Windows regardless of the version is complete shit.

Shut up, yes it is. You know it as well as I do. How many times in the last month have you had to restart your PC because it just locked up? How about in the last week? How many times have you had to get out the restore disc to get that Piece-of-Chit working again?

Ok how many times have you not been able to print to a printer that you just used? How many updates and security patches have you installed? How about the number of times you've tried to shut down or restart for whatever reason and watched the "Windows Is Shutting Down" message on the screen for an hour?

Probably more times than I have, I guarantee it in all cases.

Now that I've laid that out, lets look at Windows 7, otherwise known as Windows Vista - Pig in Makeup Edition. 100% backward compatibility. Remember the commercials? Or the ads? I do. I remember a faint tinge of fear that they might actually get it right this time forcing me to stop bashing their shitty OS. But no, the one thing Microsoft never lets me down with is their ability to NOT DELIVER.

Windows 7 was supposed to be 100% compatible with XP programs and all hardware that was "current". Really, they actually stuck out their skinny geek necks and promised 100% compatibility. But what they didn't tell you 100% backward compatibility is not available to everyone.

In fact some XP and Vista users, will not have access to XP compatibility at all unless they fork up the $199 to upgrade to Ultimate.

You see, in the Microsoft viewpoint there are no poor students or families just able to afford their computers or any customer respect. No just greed.

To get XP compatibility you have to run your XP programs in a "virtualized environment". Essentially Windows creates a second computer running XP inside your Windowns 7 computer. You can imagine that this is probably not going to give you the speed, graphic performance or stability that running the program in regular XP would, and you'd be imagining right.

The funny thing is that I run Windows apps on my Mac all day long doing the exact same thing, the difference being it doesn't crash my Mac or make it run slow and the rest of my computing experience is stable and smooth and doesn't require weekly security patches.

My most recent personal experience with this was with a new netbook computer running Windows 7. I bought it for work purposes and installed the one and only PC app that it had to run, which was written for XP. Guess what? The little netbook only comes with a crippled version of 7 called Starter and Starter doesn't include XP mode or even support it. My options were two, buy the $199 upgrade making my $400 netbook a $600 one or send the fucking thing back.

Give you one guess as to the option I chose.

What I don't understand though is why some many people are willing to put up with this crappy company, their crappy products and their complete lack of customer appreciation. I guess the world really is full of idiots.

Like you didn't see that coming.

With all due respect,
The Chief

A Story to Tuck your Kids in with...

Ok kids,

Time to tuck you in.

Tomorrow's the big day.

Santa will be here!

You've behaved all year I'm sure you're not on the Naughty List.

Now remember, you can't get up in the middle of the night or Santa won't come.

His elves have been toiling all year to make the toys for y....

Dammit. I can't lie to you anymore.

Kids. There is no Santa. Never was. He's just a control-figure we attempt to use to keep you in line and detract from the real meaning of Christmas:

The birth of baby Jesus.

That's what Christmas is about.

Christmas is the day that God gave man his only son so that he could teach us for a brief time on this earth and later die on the cross, all part of God's plan, so that he could free us from sin.

We should be celebrating his birth and give thanks to...

Dammit. I can't do it.

That's made up too. Ok. Maybe the guy is actually more likely to have existed than Santa Claus but he's actually a control-figure as well. He and Santa have both done some magic. Brought people back to life, shrunk to fit down chimneys, cured lepers, travel all over the world in one night, walked on water, made reindeer fly.

Don't be upset kids. It's for your own good. I'm stopping this cycle now so that you don't have to grow up and tell your kids the lies I've been telling you for years. The same ones my parents told me and my parent's parents told them.

Wow. This feels good. It's nice to get this weight off my chest. Now you can live your lives without these restraints. You can behave because it's the right thing to do. Not because some invisible bearded guy is watching you and judging whether you've been naughty or nice or said three Hail Marys.

Sleep tight kids. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

What's that?

Oh, they're just small parasitic insects that feed on human blood when they infest your bed.

Yes, THOSE, on the other hand, DO exist.

-Darth

My Adventures at the Genius Bar! or, the Pan-dimensional Apple Mystery Tour!!

 I recently started having all sorts of issues with my MacBook Pro with 10.6.2 on it. A lot of NULLS to what appeared to be RAM sectors, doClips repeating 100's of times, and panics. I initially did an Archive and Install... To no avail. I then attempted an Erase and Install, with similar results. I even slid in the old 10.4.11 disk to do the AHT. NADA! I took it in to the Genius Bar for a thorough going over. After 2+ days in Apple's possession, they found nothing wrong. I was informed that they made sure all of the pertinent updates were installed. I get home and fire it up. I have a quick look at the Console to see whats shaking. Close that. I begin to peruse my OS to see how things look and all of a sudden come across an .SPX file in my downloads folder... This is not a mac file to my knowledge. I click to open, 'cause I figure it's a fresh install with no other apps installed by me AT ALL. The file opens and voila' it is someone else's system profile, down to the nitty-gritty, sitting on my computer!! I was a bit alarmed at this and contacted the Apple store to discuss this. I asked how this could happen.... Was my Mac connected to their network? Did someone TargetD the thing? I was told that none of this could have occurred. It scares me because I literally had everything about this other persons profile, network IP's, programs used, etc. The really strange thing about all of this... The other computer has never even seen this country's shores, according to the manager!! Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had many more problems with a P.C. running WinBlows in any iteration than I’ve ever had with my Mac. I have also had an awesome experience any time I deal with Apple and their customer service. But this is re-Goddamn-diculous!! Seems like a pretty serious fuck-up to me!!
Anybody have any idea's????

ANGRY BRADY

Brief Bitch - Slow-ass Mother F*ckers

As you may have already gleaned from the various pieces that I've posted to this illustrious site, I am not particularly patient. I have little tolerance for people who go through life as if they are stuck in tar. I try to be respectful though and go around them, figuratively and literally, without even as much as a hurumpf, usually.

Today though every pokey ass cock sucker was out.

Every one.

And they were all in front of me. Sometime two at a time.

Case in point, I'm driving down a two lane street in a suburban area that has many side streets and lots of hills, so as to be expected the State has set the speed limit to 35. If they had asked me, it would be 45, because frankly if you can't navigate this sort of avenue, dealing with the various egresses and traffic at a reasonable pace then you shouldn't be driving. Its about 5:30 so its dark and the traffic is typical, heavier than a Sunday morning, but not "heavy". I come around a corner and to my chagrin I find myself behind some old fart in a Nissan Sentra doing 30.

Not 35.

30.

This is irritating to say the least but what the fuck, I'm not in a hurry...

Until we go up the next hill and he allows his car to slow to TWENTY FUCKING MILES PER HOUR!
20.

Son of Bitch.

Now, I'm in a hurry. In a hurry to get away from this jackass before my head explodes. Every goddamn hill we came to, and its Baxter for those of you in St. Louis so there are like 8 little hills, he would slow down to 20.

Just before we came to the point that Baxter opens up to 4 lanes, right before it crosses Clarkson, he turns off into a subdivision. It takes him a full 20 seconds to make a righthand turn on to his street.

I just about pulled my eye lids off.

I wanted his head on a platter.

Slow-ass mother fuckers stay home.

The Chief

Media Whores - Reality TV Wannabes

Just when I thought we had enough media time wasted on Richard Heene, he has been out done.

On a Presidential Scale.

Let me introduce to you, in case you just pulled your head from the sand, the Salahis, Tareq and Michelle as seen here during the Matt Lauer interview today.





These f!cking idiots would have us believe that they are the victims in this mess. They are trying to create a backstory wherein they were mislead to believe they were invited. These poor people are being railroaded by the White House. 

Bullshit!

If they had been invited, the Secret Service would have squashed this story immediately or Michelle Jones from the Pentagon would have never made they comment that she never told them they were invited.

But lets not judge the Salahis on this incident alone, but lets look at their history.

1) First and I think foremost, they wanted to be paid for their story. They didn't get paid by NBC, but I believe that they did the NBC interview at the direction of their legal council. I have a feeling they are in deeper shit then they thought they'd be and were told to get their sob story out before its too late.

2) They are also accused of crashing another political dinner just this past September. The Congressional Black Caucus Foundation spokesperson Muriel Cooper, confirmed that the Salahis were escorted out of a foundation dinner on 9/26. The couple was sitting at a $20,000-per-table section at the event where Obama was the keynote speaker. When the guests that actually paid complained that someone was in their seats, the Salahis were asked to show their tickets. They were asked to leave when they couldn't produce them. Security at the event escorted them out of the building. Very douchey.

3) The Salahis have been accused of running a fake charity as well. The Virginia State Attorney General reported  to Alex Bogdonovich of The Fauquier Times-Democrat in May 2009 that the Salahis’ charitable organization, Journey for a Cure, was not registered with the State Corporation Commission and warned givers that the State “could not be assured that funds were being spent for charitable purposes".

4) To top it all off, Michelle Salahi like our beloved Richard Heene, is a hopeful for a reality TV show. She is being considered for Bravo's upcoming "Real Housewives of Washington DC". Bravo has confirmed that they were actually taping the Salahis that day but will not comment on whether or not they got any footage inside the State Dinner. 

Now what does this all mean for the Salahis, the Secret Service and the President? 

Well my guess is that the Salahis will wear out their 15 minutes, she won't be on Bravo and their businesses will all suffer as a result of the publicity and the time and money they will spend defending themselves in the impending federal investigation. 

The Secret Service will fire lots of people, blame one guy and figure they got lucky with just some cheesy photo-ops and news coverage. 

The President will go on about his life just like he has these last 200 something days, with the feeling that someone is always trying to get to him and that he needs to keep any eye out for nut jobs.

As for Richard Heene, well to update you he and his wife have pled guilty to felony and misdemeanor charges for concocting their little hoax back in October. Its likely, per the prosecutors, that they will serve some jail time and the fines will be in the $30,000-$50,000 range. His wife, Mayuki Heene is a japanese citizen and faces possibly deportation for a felony conviction. They Heene's attorneys will no doubt avoid that due to the concern both the Heenes and the prosecutors have for the Heene's kids, which is ironic when you think about the fact that all their trouble was because they pretended to loose their son in balloon.

Dipshits.

With all due respect,
The Chief